Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

[Milomonster]

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

His kind of saying don't expect to see him very much cause his too busy ! He sounds a bit of a knob head

"it seems selfish to rob the world of the benefit of your engagement and creativity by wanting to spend time with you" sent with a straight face.

or perhaps send a deadpan reply thanking him for the message and say you'll be keen to meet when the stars align then be unavailable due to a conflicting, exciting event that is different each time he is available. Be creative - film premier with an old flame, running a marathon, city break to NY, awards ceremony in your line of work, launch for a side venture and so on.

@Zilla1 my response to him was rather mundane, unfortunately, but I think he got fed up of me mentioning all the cool things I’d been doing (in the true spirit of adventure).

Yeah, I’d love to do that (Zilla). Taste of of his own medicine! . One of the stranger things I’ve read on MN - “When our schedules align?” His message overall seemed vaguely fearful, panicky, despite the jokes and justifications. Why put these thoughts in a formal text like that when he barely knows you.

Good for you, OP. Odd such an adventure seeking chap isn't interested in the cool things you were doing. Hope the next one along for you wants to spend time with you and is interested in the cool things you do when you're not with him.

@2bazookas

I think it's fine for him to say up front that he doesn't do that clingy needy thing where people text 24/7 and cry if there's no answer.

Now you know; you can either drop him, or see how it works out.

That would have been fine if that was what he'd said. But he didn't.

@Zilla1 yep. In fact, I asked him on the date whether he enjoys theatre and other shows, and he said he did, but he hadn’t been in a long time. I asked if he was traveling over the Easter break or any plans this year. He said no. What are these adventures he speaks of?

Golf was, indeed, mentioned.

@msc6199

Arrogant. Probably wifed-up. Avoid!!!

Oooh I like that expression!

OP so grateful to you -this thread had kept me going for a few days that were otherwise tedious -loving the wisdom and humour on here! Good to have a thread that remains healthy debate!

[quote Milomonster]@Zilla1 yep. In fact, I asked him on the date whether he enjoys theatre and other shows, and he said he did, but he hadn’t been in a long time. I asked if he was traveling over the Easter break or any plans this year. He said no. What are these adventures he speaks of?

Golf was, indeed, mentioned.[/quote]
You were supposed to be impressed by general mention of a busy life. Instead you called him on it — and turned out to have a genuinely interesting and busy life. I think his response to you was defensive: intending to put you off because you intimidated him. As you say, men say they want strong, independent women but the reality is too much for them. He hadn't done his date-training thoroughly enough to know that for most women golf is a red flag, had he?

@davidwebb

Women only date/match very good looking men from Online Dating apps/sites..

Chances are this very handsome bloke can afford to be self absorbed

Bollocks

Massive red flag.

@Coffeepot72

But even if he’s just after casual sex, their schedules would still have to align?! What an idiot.

Maybe he wanted to do it on Zoom. He sounds stupid enough.

@Socksorting

It’s Geller.

Isn't golf classed as an adventure ??!?

Imagine the mindset of framing golf as the adventure pinnacle and into which you'd have to coordinate an opportunity, presumably part of the adventure is playing on different courses?

You need to raise your game from theatre and the other pursuits you spend your time on, OP, to hit the heady heights of playing golf.

Can you post cryptic updates about work visits to St Andrew's, Sunningdale, Carnoustie and Augusta every now and again?

Yeh, normally i think the "he was intimidated by you' line rings hollow as men often just dont want more than casual, but your busy life held a mirror up to this guy's view of himself

I wonder what other hobbies could lead/encourage/delude someone into thinking they lead a life full of adventure. Adventurous lycra-clad cycling? Adventurous drinking in pubs every weekend? Adventurous going to watch football every Saturday?

Those would all put going to the theatre, gigs, art galleries, city breaks, off-the-beaten track foreign travel, starting a business, studying, volunteering, writing novels, gigging, making art and other less adventurous activities in their unambitious mundane place.

@Zilla1 I love your replies.

Did I not mention he runs 20k at the weekends, so that ticks off Lycra (along with a trip to Cafe Nero).

I did actually follow your suggestion in my messages. Re specifics of my gallery visit, I told him it was about the decriminalization of sex workers, my film trip was to see Almodovar’s new one, and my theatre visit was about the life of Khalil Gibran. I threw in I was meeting my girlfriends on International Women’s Day. My intention was not to come across as a pretentious bellend, but a woman with specific interests. So, I had followed your advice, but it may have been part of my downfall with this guy.

Jangolina I concur about this thread 🙂 generally.

I am wondering about golf as an issue ‘tho …

@Milomonster Total thread derailment but where is this theatre show about Khalil Gibran?

@gingerhills Here is the link. It was beautiful and very moving.

charingcrosstheatre.co.uk/theatre/broken-wings

Sorry op but this thread has made me chuckle

Thank you!

[quote Milomonster]@Zilla1 I love your replies.

Did I not mention he runs 20k at the weekends, so that ticks off Lycra (along with a trip to Cafe Nero).

I did actually follow your suggestion in my messages. Re specifics of my gallery visit, I told him it was about the decriminalization of sex workers, my film trip was to see Almodovar’s new one, and my theatre visit was about the life of Khalil Gibran. I threw in I was meeting my girlfriends on International Women’s Day. My intention was not to come across as a pretentious bellend, but a woman with specific interests. So, I had followed your advice, but it may have been part of my downfall with this guy.[/quote]
He'll have been bamboozled!