Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

[Milomonster]

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

What a pompous way of telling you that he's going to be an inflexible nightmare who never prioritises seeing you.

I'd be chucking him back, OP, not least because I couldn't be arsed reading that kind of waffle every time he wanted to explain to me why I was bottom of his list of priorities.

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Did' to' just have one o? Ltb for that.

Seconded

Agree with pp that says ghost him. He's a twerp.

I wouldn't bother with someone who sent that after one date.

To be helpful, you could edit his response with the correct spelling of too, for when he copies and pastes this message again.

Instant ick

Sounds like he thinks he is very busy and important. The men who in fact are busy and important tend to be too busy and important to tell you about it in such great detail and will make time for you, no matter how busy they are. "If you want something done, ask a busy person".

I'd probably wait, message him in a day or so saying "cool, glad to know, me too." Then let him make the next arrangement, let him chase you, and if he bails, sack him off.

If you can be bothered. Not sure I could...

This would get my back up completely. I agree it comes across quite pompous. I wouldn't deign to give it a reply.

@arethereanyleftatall 🤣

Pretty much unanimous. He was very down-to earth, funny, charming, beautiful manners, and absolutely gorgeous. There was nothing pompous about him at all. I don’t think the message reflects how he was in person. That’s what baffles me.

Self important waffle

The tone of that is awful - it’s saying that he’s so busy and interesting that he won’t have that much time for you, without any evidence of him wondering or caring if that will be offputting to you. Just an innate assumption that you’ll wait around and take what he decides to offer. The arrogance is staggering and I wouldn’t be able to let that pass without attempting to put him back in his place and show you’re not desperate or interested in his crumbs.

I think either don’t reply at all which will drive him nuts, or wait a day or two then send a breezy ‘aww that’s so lovely of you but I’m not sure I’m really feeling it between us. Hope you’re not too disappointed and I’m sure you’ll find someone eventually!’

That’s not exactly it but basically a message that sets the tone of you rejecting him. I couldn’t stand to let some arrogant twat like that think they had in any way rejected or disappointed me but I’m petty!

As you said what a pompous dickhead message to send. I would reply with something like no worries, thanks for letting me know. I wish you well x

Yep it's offputting to me as well, like "don't expect too much!".... Later he does something lazy/rude... "I told you not to expect much!"

Having said that, I wouldn't call it off over this, it's possible he meant it nicely and said it in an awkward way. So I'd take it at face value for now but be slightly on guard, as I'm sure you are anyway when dating.

How about a bit of obtuse sarcasm:

"Right you are then".

🤣 what a self important twat.

That's the kind of thing married men say to manage your expectations.

@Huckleberries73

Urgh Just urgh

He thinks he is so goddam special.
Bin now

This!

He's basically saying he will try, maybe, to fit you into his oh so, so, busy life as and when or if he feels like it. So please don't be demanding.
At least he's shown you he's a dick without wasting too much of your time.

Just text back "ok"

If someone told me after our first date that he wouldn’t have much time to fit me in, I’d bin him immediately. Talk about setting a low bar.

@theonlygirl

He's basically saying he will try, maybe, to fit you into his oh so, so, busy life as and when or if he feels like it. So please don't be demanding. At least he's shown you he's a dick without wasting too much of your time.

Exactly this!

"Cheers for the heads up! I'll find someone with a little more time to socialise. Good luck!"

@LizzieSiddal

I’d take it to mean he’s being honest about the fact you won’t be seeing him very often. I personally wouldn’t like that, so I’d bin him.

I'd agree with the first sentence definitely. Second one is up to you.

Just take it at face value. Why all this over analysis and second guessing? If you want to see him three times a week, then look elsewhere. If you don't mind something with a slow burn then carry on. And then you can try to work out whether he is a bigamist, MI6 agent, cocklodger, narcissist or Vladimir Putin in disguise as and when you actually have some information instead of wild speculation and "spidey senses".

The tone of that is awful - it’s saying that he’s so busy and interesting that he won’t have that much time for you, without any evidence of him wondering or caring if that will be offputting to you.

Yes. And how many of us have been super-busy yet still made time for important relationships in our lives? And if you are thinking, "Well, I really am too busy" don't go on a dating app!

He's telling you to have literally no expectations of him, that any relationship you have will be on his terms and his terms only.

NEXT.