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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Amazing first date but then he sent me this message.

605 replies

Milomonster · 10/03/2022 21:22

I met a lovely guy on Hinge, and had the most wonderful date. It ended with us saying we’d like to meet again. There were a few messages back and forth afterwards, and then he sent me this. My friends are divided on what he means. I think it’s the start of breadcrumbing.

“So I need to be completely open with you and I hope we can align our schedules but this will probably require a bit of patience so I apologise in advance. I typically have a very busy schedule, with kids, work can often very demanding time wise, varied friends and I tend to be an active individual. I’m sure you do to, which I think is great. Now I personally don’t see this as a bad thing but people have struggled with it in the past so I think it’s only fair to tell you. My good friends tease me about it. It’s just who I am, life is full of adventure. Now I’m happy to be patient, we’ll definitely find windows of opportunity.”

OP posts:
Wykid · 11/03/2022 11:23

If married men can make time for a mistress, then a single man can (and will) make time for a special person in their life

We all prioritise the important things in life

Geranium1984 · 11/03/2022 11:23

I'd just reply with a laughing emoji 😂
Enough said

AllOfUsAreDead · 11/03/2022 11:38

Aw I wish you had asked him if he is looking for casual then why is he dating? But does sound like he wasn't happy you had a busy schedule and he didn't. Quite sad that. But you're better off. Smile

foorisajar · 11/03/2022 11:39

I think he was giving you an out. Not sure why you think he should have apologised for the message though?

ThreeRingCircus · 11/03/2022 11:41

"I've aligned my schedule with a bottle of wine tonight......NEXT!" Wine

You sound great OP, I have a feeling you'll be just fine.

Maighnuad · 11/03/2022 12:03

I had to step away from something similiar a few weeks a ago and my pal "made" me write "Tapping out"
This is my new code for get yourself to ......

Spacecadetagain · 11/03/2022 12:03

Well done on your reply to him, I had similar a few years ago via OLD , was absolutely love bombed, met up , all went well then had a similiar wanky message the next day , I concluded he clearly wanted a FWB situation so left it at that

AndNowNo · 11/03/2022 12:14

What is OLD? I''m so out of date. Can someone help me catch up?

clumsiIy · 11/03/2022 12:15

@Onthedunes

Could you text him back though op. I can't wait for the next message.

Hillarious Grin

Please.

Same!

Sorry OP, but I'd find it entertaining interesting to see what he had to say next.
Seriously, what a silly man. I'd just ignore, or send a best wishes message (as above pp) or plain thumbs up emoji.

Spacecadetagain · 11/03/2022 12:16

@AndNowNo OLD - online dating

AndNowNo · 11/03/2022 12:17

Oh! Thank you :D

AbsoluteTruths · 11/03/2022 12:17

Why on earth didn't he tell you all this lastnight on the actual date then? Surely that's the kind of thing that comes up, your life, committments, hobbies and how busy or chilled your life is? I would run a mile, he is showing you exactly who he is and what you can expect. Unless you are happy with dregs of course but I'm sure you're not op.

Egghead68 · 11/03/2022 12:17

Oh god - just block and move on

AryaStarkWolf · 11/03/2022 12:19

Just read through your posts and his reply to yours, how weird though, he's clearly just looking for hook ups or someone he can control. lucky escape there I think!

clumsiIy · 11/03/2022 12:19

I've just seen the update. Good to have closure!

Loopytiles · 11/03/2022 12:26

His reply to your ‘thanks but no thanks’ text was also wanky! His busy life/work being ‘not fair on you’, after just one date!

Like you’d be waiting around for him. Pompous self absorption.

MrsWinters · 11/03/2022 12:26

Move on.

Bettyboopawoop · 11/03/2022 12:31

What if he genuinely is a busy person and just wants to be up front with you from the beggining? Perhaps that's why he is also on a dating app? However he could also be married and wanting a bit of fluff.

Kennykenkencat · 11/03/2022 12:38

My first thought were married and can’t leave the house regularly

Or he is single and he is letting you know you are far down on his priority list.
He will get round to you when he has nothing better going on.

Bromse · 11/03/2022 12:39

@AndNowNo

What is OLD? I''m so out of date. Can someone help me catch up?
'Old Ladies Dating', maybe :-). Something that I would fit into if I was thinking of dating, which I'm not Or could be, 'Old Lags...'. The mind boggles at the possibilities!

I imagine it's 'Online Dating'.

RockinHorseShit · 11/03/2022 12:39

DHs friend told his new GF this too... he wasn't married, but was in a very long term relationship & was laying the grounds for a compliant affair partner

It's basically letting you know you will be an option, not a priority to him & he will pick you up & drop you as he feels fit ... bollox said to that

RockinHorseShit · 11/03/2022 12:41

& hes fucking presumptuous after just one date. I think that shows a huge ego, that would put me right off without the laying foundations for taking the piss

Daisydoo99 · 11/03/2022 12:43

He wants to date so he has somebody to stroke his ego, go on dates with (when it suits him) and have sex with.

He is not intending to commit to someone.

You are more than someone to pass time withn his ‘ exciting’ life becomes slower paced from time to time.

Bin x

Daisydoo99 · 11/03/2022 12:44

*pass time with when

Bromse · 11/03/2022 12:44

It's good that you have closure, op, and you have both been honest so time to move on.

However I bet, in a few weeks or months, he will telephone you for a chat quite out of the blue.

Never mind that though, you will meet someone more suitable sooner or later.