How did you know you weren't in love anymore?

[treasure47]

My husband and I have recently separated but still living together. Getting along actually better than before we (I) made the decision but it's confusing because I find myself thinking "do I really want to separate? Things aren't that bad".
But I have no desire to be intimate or affectionate with him, I'd have to force that, it doesn't come naturally to me anymore. I also don't particularly look forward to him coming home or spending time with him, we have different interests now. I'm sure I just love him as a family member or friend.
How did you know you didn't have those feelings anymore?

Trying to stick to my decision (after over a year of turmoil and going around in circles) and not just think it's easier to stay for the sake of DS.

I can relate to this so much. I’ve been in the same boat as you for two years, going around in circles, thinking I’m the worst person that has ever lived for potentially hurting him, and out DCs. I’ve raised it a few times but it has almost immediately been like nothing has happened and he has gone back to being lovey dovey, while I’ve been pulling away as it all just felt so wrong. I care about him, but we really do live as housemates and I don’t want anything more than that. The more he ignored it and carried on like normal the more I felt like my feelings didn’t matter. We’ve been married 20 years so a lot to unravel in my head, but I know separating is the right thing to do. Eventually we had another conversation (the 4th!) but I was more blunt about it, and made it clear that we couldn’t just keep going around in circles. We’re still living together (until the summer to get our daughter through her exams without too much disruption) and we get on fine, but I had to make it clear that our relationship as it was is over. I’d love us to be able to go forward as good friends but I have no idea how that will pan out in reality. It took a long time for me to accept that this wasn’t something awful that I was doing to him - it’s something that is happening to us both.

I don’t feel as bad now though. The last chat that we had was the first time he actually seemed to take it in. And he has now told me that the day after that conversation he downloaded Tinder. One day!!! I don’t think anything has happened or that he’s been talking to anyone on it even, and to be honest I do feel kind of relieved that he’s done it in a weird way, but still - I thought he might have held off for more than a day!

I’m no help really, but just wanted to say I understand. I guess the moment I knew it was over was when the tiniest things started irritating me - the way he sniffs, or wiggles his toes, or burps every time he enters a room (that’s exaggerated but it feels like that!) I knew I didn’t want to have sex with him, I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him and my natural reaction when he tried to as to turn my head away.

Ultimately, I got to the point where I felt that this was just really unfair on him. He’s a good man, just not for me forever. And the longer I faffed about in limbo, the longer I was keeping him from finding someone who loves him how he should be loved. Suddenly where I felt like I was selfish for wanting to separate, I realised that actually I was being selfish by not doing it. In the end anyway - he’ll realise that one day!

God I really wish mine would join tinder and go and find someone. But he's slouched on the sofa snoring his head off, still in his pyjamas (wfh) giving Ds hardly any room to sit, while subjecting him to Question Time on full volume when he's not even watching it. Before that, me and Ds were chucking the sponge ball around the room, playing goalkeepers, having a laugh, and now he's sat there distracting himself with his iPad next to his dad who seems completely oblivious to the difference in relationship between me and ds, and him and ds. He's frankly a waste of space, brings nothing to the house or family, but if he was to read this or any other post I've put on here, he wouldn't recognise himself at all. I think that's maybe the clincher in me having absolutely no feelings or interest in him. He's so emotionally unaware. I'm hoping I can be brave enough to start the conversation this weekend. Sending support to everyone here xx

@treasure47

My H made several comments that completely destroyed my self confidence and self esteem a few months ago. Very derogatory comments regarding my appearance.
I don't know what his aim was but once we talked about separating I lost weight and gained a confidence back that I lost years ago. So it backfired on him.

I am older than you, early 40's and feel like it's now or never. I know I probably won't want to start over again if I wait another 10 years.

And no....I haven't told my H about the dalliance. Rightly or wrongly I never intend to. The OM is under the impression that we aren't over but we are.

@HoneyDaze

I can relate to this so much. I’ve been in the same boat as you for two years, going around in circles, thinking I’m the worst person that has ever lived for potentially hurting him, and out DCs. I’ve raised it a few times but it has almost immediately been like nothing has happened and he has gone back to being lovey dovey, while I’ve been pulling away as it all just felt so wrong. I care about him, but we really do live as housemates and I don’t want anything more than that. The more he ignored it and carried on like normal the more I felt like my feelings didn’t matter. We’ve been married 20 years so a lot to unravel in my head, but I know separating is the right thing to do. Eventually we had another conversation (the 4th!) but I was more blunt about it, and made it clear that we couldn’t just keep going around in circles. We’re still living together (until the summer to get our daughter through her exams without too much disruption) and we get on fine, but I had to make it clear that our relationship as it was is over. I’d love us to be able to go forward as good friends but I have no idea how that will pan out in reality. It took a long time for me to accept that this wasn’t something awful that I was doing to him - it’s something that is happening to us both.

I don’t feel as bad now though. The last chat that we had was the first time he actually seemed to take it in. And he has now told me that the day after that conversation he downloaded Tinder. One day!!! I don’t think anything has happened or that he’s been talking to anyone on it even, and to be honest I do feel kind of relieved that he’s done it in a weird way, but still - I thought he might have held off for more than a day!

I’m no help really, but just wanted to say I understand. I guess the moment I knew it was over was when the tiniest things started irritating me - the way he sniffs, or wiggles his toes, or burps every time he enters a room (that’s exaggerated but it feels like that!) I knew I didn’t want to have sex with him, I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him and my natural reaction when he tried to as to turn my head away.

Ultimately, I got to the point where I felt that this was just really unfair on him. He’s a good man, just not for me forever. And the longer I faffed about in limbo, the longer I was keeping him from finding someone who loves him how he should be loved. Suddenly where I felt like I was selfish for wanting to separate, I realised that actually I was being selfish by not doing it. In the end anyway - he’ll realise that one day!

The being selfish for not doing it makes a lot of sense. I think that's why things came to a bit of a head a few days ago, I could see just how much this was all hurting him. I just felt awful and as much as I don't want to hurt him by leaving I felt that I was hurting him just as much, if not more, by staying in this limbo period. We've also done the whole, having conversations about things and then nothing really changing. It's difficult when we're in the same house and we have that familiarity of a LTR, it's hard to break a lifetime pattern in a way.

Downloading Tinder the day after is a bold move! 😂 Maybe he was trying to make you jealous or something!

I keep having major doubts but it's mainly because I feel sad for DS. I think if DH were both on the same page and could agree to be friends it could work out really well.

I don't want to regret my decision either way!

@19Bears

God I really wish mine would join tinder and go and find someone. But he's slouched on the sofa snoring his head off, still in his pyjamas (wfh) giving Ds hardly any room to sit, while subjecting him to Question Time on full volume when he's not even watching it. Before that, me and Ds were chucking the sponge ball around the room, playing goalkeepers, having a laugh, and now he's sat there distracting himself with his iPad next to his dad who seems completely oblivious to the difference in relationship between me and ds, and him and ds. He's frankly a waste of space, brings nothing to the house or family, but if he was to read this or any other post I've put on here, he wouldn't recognise himself at all. I think that's maybe the clincher in me having absolutely no feelings or interest in him. He's so emotionally unaware. I'm hoping I can be brave enough to start the conversation this weekend. Sending support to everyone here xx

Good luck!

I'm definitely the more "fun" parent and it's not at all how I expected things to be. I was more serious before I had DS I think!
DH can be lazy and that's something I've never liked as I'm the opposite and probably take too much on by myself. I find motivation such an attractive quality in a person and I've noticed over the years I've been more attracted to him when he's been proactive about things (happens sometimes but a lot of the time he needs a rocket up the bum 😅)
I think he's quite happy to plod on through life - he wants adventures too, but he's not one to actually plan them, he'd leave that up to me!
He's not a bad person though so in a way I feel mean for ranting. Last night he asked me what I liked about him and I struggled to answer though 😕
I kind of wish he could move out for a bit (or I could, but would be more difficult with DS) to get some space but I'd feel awful asking him to leave.

[quote donesomethingterrible]@treasure47

My H made several comments that completely destroyed my self confidence and self esteem a few months ago. Very derogatory comments regarding my appearance.
I don't know what his aim was but once we talked about separating I lost weight and gained a confidence back that I lost years ago. So it backfired on him.

I am older than you, early 40's and feel like it's now or never. I know I probably won't want to start over again if I wait another 10 years.

And no....I haven't told my H about the dalliance. Rightly or wrongly I never intend to. The OM is under the impression that we aren't over but we are. [/quote]
Sounds like your husband isn't very supportive or appreciative of you and that you're feeling neglected. In that way I can see how you could have got wrapped up in advances from someone else.

I would think on the far end of the extreme of what you might have to endure. If he had a stroke or a heart attack or something of that kind and you had to nurse him 24/7 how would you feel about that? With my DH I would be up for that 100%. With my ex I would walk away on day one. Thinking of a scenario like this will have all the answers you need OP.

My ex died last month. I haven't seen him since 2001 and yet I still felt a tiny bit of relief that he was gone.

@HoneyDaze

I can relate to this so much. I’ve been in the same boat as you for two years, going around in circles, thinking I’m the worst person that has ever lived for potentially hurting him, and out DCs. I’ve raised it a few times but it has almost immediately been like nothing has happened and he has gone back to being lovey dovey, while I’ve been pulling away as it all just felt so wrong. I care about him, but we really do live as housemates and I don’t want anything more than that. The more he ignored it and carried on like normal the more I felt like my feelings didn’t matter. We’ve been married 20 years so a lot to unravel in my head, but I know separating is the right thing to do. Eventually we had another conversation (the 4th!) but I was more blunt about it, and made it clear that we couldn’t just keep going around in circles. We’re still living together (until the summer to get our daughter through her exams without too much disruption) and we get on fine, but I had to make it clear that our relationship as it was is over. I’d love us to be able to go forward as good friends but I have no idea how that will pan out in reality. It took a long time for me to accept that this wasn’t something awful that I was doing to him - it’s something that is happening to us both.

I don’t feel as bad now though. The last chat that we had was the first time he actually seemed to take it in. And he has now told me that the day after that conversation he downloaded Tinder. One day!!! I don’t think anything has happened or that he’s been talking to anyone on it even, and to be honest I do feel kind of relieved that he’s done it in a weird way, but still - I thought he might have held off for more than a day!

I’m no help really, but just wanted to say I understand. I guess the moment I knew it was over was when the tiniest things started irritating me - the way he sniffs, or wiggles his toes, or burps every time he enters a room (that’s exaggerated but it feels like that!) I knew I didn’t want to have sex with him, I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him and my natural reaction when he tried to as to turn my head away.

Ultimately, I got to the point where I felt that this was just really unfair on him. He’s a good man, just not for me forever. And the longer I faffed about in limbo, the longer I was keeping him from finding someone who loves him how he should be loved. Suddenly where I felt like I was selfish for wanting to separate, I realised that actually I was being selfish by not doing it. In the end anyway - he’ll realise that one day!

Downloading Tinder the next day though? Ye Gods! Just goes to show you should always trust your gut eh? What a tosser!

My relationship with my ex and my relationship with my husband have been about the same length. For me, this is the easiest tell. When I was with my ex, I read a story in a magazine about a man who went out for milk and just left his family, contacting them a year later to say he had a new life and wanting to set up contact with his kids. I wondered how I would feel if it were him.

'Relieved' was my answer. I'd have been glad if he fucked off. With my husband I'd be devastated and I would never get over it.

@NuclearBunker

My relationship with my ex and my relationship with my husband have been about the same length. For me, this is the easiest tell. When I was with my ex, I read a story in a magazine about a man who went out for milk and just left his family, contacting them a year later to say he had a new life and wanting to set up contact with his kids. I wondered how I would feel if it were him.

'Relieved' was my answer. I'd have been glad if he fucked off. With my husband I'd be devastated and I would never get over it.

Is that because your ex wasn't a good person though? I can imagine it's easier to say something like that about someone who treated you badly but if there's none of that then it's not as straightforward.

@treasure47
@NuclearBunker

I think if someone’s DH is a out and out bad guy, it might be easier, but for me and I suspect some others it’s more a case that he has some good points (involved father, not lazy round the house, generous with money) and in many ways we have a lovely life, but his bad points (arrogant and self absorbed, rude to people he considers beneath him, drinks too much) are magnified precisely because I don’t love him. And I don’t love him because he doesn’t understand me, never considers my feelings in any situation, doesn’t cherish me or ‘get’ me in the slightest.

If DH left me, I would be relieved.

Alright then.

Would you be ok if he came home and said "I've met someone and I think I want to be with them" or would you be devastated and beg him to reconsider? Would it blow your world apart or would it make things a lot simpler?

Good luck 19Bears! I have to say, if my husband went all UKIP/Brexit on me, we'd have finished years ago! I've always had a strict 'never date a Tory' rule! Although living round here, once me and my husband do separate, that might well actually mean I'll be single forever...

Wow, a lot of what's been posted on this thread is resonating with me, and it's reassuring to know that others struggle with this too (although I wish we didn't have to). I really worry about this in our marriage, although I don't think I'm in exactly the same boat as some, and have no plans to voice my concerns anytime soon.

Like the OP, I feel I've changed a huge amount since I got married in my early 20s (I'm 44 now) - and I had a really uncharacteristic spell last year when I was quite sad about not really experiencing single life, and fearing that maybe I never will have the independence I sometimes really long for. I guess after 20+ years of marriage I feel quite cynical about it, and I resent some of the compromises - and many of the things that once attracted me to DH have faded long ago, admittedly some of these are superficial and he still has a lot of very good qualities. We just aren't a lovey-dovey, romantic couple, and that's ok with me I think... I don't wish for it with anyone else... I just think it's the way many long-term relationships settle down probably. Comfortable companionship instead of sparks flying IYKWIM?

I'm not really enjoying this sort of shitty mid-life era either, I think it's wearing us both down, we're tired and there are so many decisions to make, holding down jobs, parents to care for/worry about as well as the kids... it's a bit relentless, so it's not surprising that our relationship might take a back seat. It's not brilliant, but it is what it is.

Do we love each other? Yes. Are we 'in love' - I'm not sure... Am I 100% happy in our relationship? No, probably not, but who is? And would I be happier if we separated? - almost certainly no. It would just bring a whole other set of problems - more, probably - and blow apart the family unit we've worked hard to build. I don't think I could do it to the kids, or to our parents tbh.

I do worry about the mental toll of muddling through the tougher times and repressing the worries/fears sometimes, but on balance I think I'm in this until something changes for the worse, or (fingers crossed) things somehow improve with time.

Sorry for the essay! But it's quite cathartic, as others have said, to get this out - it goes around in my head often and I do struggle to work out the reality of the situation vs what I'm blowing out of proportion in my own head. There's a certain amount of post-pandemic, perimenopausal madness going on in there just now I think so that's another reason to sit tight - I don't trust my hormones affecting my own mental state sometimes!

OP I do hope you figure things out for the best - ultimately, you're the only ones who know how to make yourselves happy (or happier, at least), whether that's staying together or not.

@NuclearBunker

I’m not sure if you were asking me, but if my DH came home and told me I’d met someone else I’m sure I’d panic initially, but I’d be worrying about the kids, the finances etc rather than feeling devastated emotionally. The really horrible truth is it would make everything much easier and I’d feel less guilty as I wouldn’t be the bad guy. I might even feel happy for him that he’s found someone who loves him.

@NuclearBunker

Alright then.

Would you be ok if he came home and said "I've met someone and I think I want to be with them" or would you be devastated and beg him to reconsider? Would it blow your world apart or would it make things a lot simpler?

It would make things a lot easier yes! As someone else said, then I wouldn't be the bad guy 😕 I find myself worrying about what everyone would think of me - his family etc. although we never see his family tbh. They're not particularly involved in DS' life for example, so I shouldn't care too much.

@marriedlife

Wow, a lot of what's been posted on this thread is resonating with me, and it's reassuring to know that others struggle with this too (although I wish we didn't have to). I really worry about this in our marriage, although I don't think I'm in exactly the same boat as some, and have no plans to voice my concerns anytime soon.

Like the OP, I feel I've changed a huge amount since I got married in my early 20s (I'm 44 now) - and I had a really uncharacteristic spell last year when I was quite sad about not really experiencing single life, and fearing that maybe I never will have the independence I sometimes really long for. I guess after 20+ years of marriage I feel quite cynical about it, and I resent some of the compromises - and many of the things that once attracted me to DH have faded long ago, admittedly some of these are superficial and he still has a lot of very good qualities. We just aren't a lovey-dovey, romantic couple, and that's ok with me I think... I don't wish for it with anyone else... I just think it's the way many long-term relationships settle down probably. Comfortable companionship instead of sparks flying IYKWIM?

I'm not really enjoying this sort of shitty mid-life era either, I think it's wearing us both down, we're tired and there are so many decisions to make, holding down jobs, parents to care for/worry about as well as the kids... it's a bit relentless, so it's not surprising that our relationship might take a back seat. It's not brilliant, but it is what it is.

Do we love each other? Yes. Are we 'in love' - I'm not sure... Am I 100% happy in our relationship? No, probably not, but who is? And would I be happier if we separated? - almost certainly no. It would just bring a whole other set of problems - more, probably - and blow apart the family unit we've worked hard to build. I don't think I could do it to the kids, or to our parents tbh.

I do worry about the mental toll of muddling through the tougher times and repressing the worries/fears sometimes, but on balance I think I'm in this until something changes for the worse, or (fingers crossed) things somehow improve with time.

Sorry for the essay! But it's quite cathartic, as others have said, to get this out - it goes around in my head often and I do struggle to work out the reality of the situation vs what I'm blowing out of proportion in my own head. There's a certain amount of post-pandemic, perimenopausal madness going on in there just now I think so that's another reason to sit tight - I don't trust my hormones affecting my own mental state sometimes!

OP I do hope you figure things out for the best - ultimately, you're the only ones who know how to make yourselves happy (or happier, at least), whether that's staying together or not.

It is crazy how many people are in such a similar position! I'm not sure of everyone's ages here but I've noticed a few of you are mid 40s. I'm guessing in a way that's when you'll feel most "stuck" too as your children will be at an age where they'll know what's going on etc. It seems too young to be feeling like that about your life 😕 I'm early to mid 30s and tbh I feel like I spent the second half of my 20s in a panicked state because I knew I wanted to have children and always felt like the clock was ticking (ridiculous really when I look back!) So far in my 30s I've found I've stressed about my age less. It is what it is! And I'm just a lot more relaxed in many ways. I think the pandemic definitely had an effect on a lot of couples. Being in lockdown and having no outside distractions was almost like putting everything under a microscope. Although I was mostly alone with a baby whilst having to work at the same time (I'd just gone back after maternity leave and DH had to work throughout).That's definitely when we started to really drift apart because I think we were both too exhausted to make time for each other.

I generally just feel like I'm a bit lonely in the relationship. Even when he's here, I think because we don't "connect" anymore, I feel a bit alone. My mum said that's how everyone with young children feels and maybe she's right but then I think how do so many people get pregnant again when they have a toddler?!? 😅 It's the last thing on my mind!

I remember around 4 years into our relationship I had this really strong urge to be on my own and I very nearly broke up with him but he was devastated and I really didn't want to hurt him (and I also worried that I'd be alone forever...) so I stayed and that feeling went away eventually. But I'm wondering if it's always been there since then just bubbling away.

It is the guilt that keeps me here. I genuinely don't think we are good for each other. I don't think I'm good for anyone to be honest but I've told that story elsewhere. But DW is adamant that if I leave I will destroy her. I do wonder if we had more money she would say the same as I think some of it is fear of being badly off in old age. She'd quit work tomorrow if she could.

Do I have the right to increase my happiness by decreasing someone else's? The argument that "if there are problems, sporadic acts of awfulness by both of you then neither of you are happy so split up and you'll be happier" isn't truly valid.

Whilst neither of us are as happy as we could be together it does not mean both of us will be happier apart. It is a gamble. I am willing to take the bet, DW is terrified of it.

@Notsuchaniceguy

It is the guilt that keeps me here. I genuinely don't think we are good for each other. I don't think I'm good for anyone to be honest but I've told that story elsewhere. But DW is adamant that if I leave I will destroy her. I do wonder if we had more money she would say the same as I think some of it is fear of being badly off in old age. She'd quit work tomorrow if she could.

Do I have the right to increase my happiness by decreasing someone else's? The argument that "if there are problems, sporadic acts of awfulness by both of you then neither of you are happy so split up and you'll be happier" isn't truly valid.

Whilst neither of us are as happy as we could be together it does not mean both of us will be happier apart. It is a gamble. I am willing to take the bet, DW is terrified of it.

My DH is the same and thinks very negatively - said he thinks he'd be alone forever, wouldn't want to meet anyone else etc which I know is understandable for him to feel like that because it's not what he wants. I do get a "how could you do this to me?" feeling from him which is awful because it's not something I'm choosing to feel, but I think at least a part of him thinks it is. I also read the "Too good to leave..." book and there were only a couple of the areas that came out as I'd be happier leaving. He's not abusive or uncaring or any of those things. I think he could do more to help me out sometimes, he's a bit oblivious in that he'd probably happily let me do everything and not think anything of it. Out of all the household/childcare tasks, he does the washing up and occasionally cleans the bathrooms, we alternate DS' bed/bath times. That's it... I do work part time so it is easier for me to do most of it but even before we had a child and I worked full time it was the same. I think I've probably built up some resentment because of that. I have spoken about it too so it's not like I'm letting it bubble up inside me and not talking about it. He's just not that kind of person. I think he saves all his self-motivation for his job.

I do sometimes wonder if I was with someone else would I look back and think that things with DH were better or worse than I thought they were at the time, if that makes sense. When you're used to the same thing for so long it's hard to see outside of that, and what something different could be like (good or bad)

Sorry, waffling on 😂

Guilt is such a strong feeling isn't it, it's consuming.

Start noticing more men, craving excitement and wondering what life could be like with another man. Feeling repulsed by the thought of kissing them. I was ok with sex but the intimacy of kissing I didn't need. Everything they did irritated me. I ended up shagging an ex behind his back then ended it. He wasn't all innocent though, he could be really vile and abusive and I don't regret it. Happily married now.

When the thought of him meeting someone else or having an affair made me deliriously happy

I was all of you for many many years up until 5 years ago…

The straw that broke the camels back was my 38th birthday. Woke up to no card and vague promises of an evening out at some point in The future, no cards from DC and no token present from them either. Was upset and said so. My now EXH said “well I’ll make you breakfast in bed then shall I?”

I lay in bed miserable and he returned with a white coffee with sugar and a white bread bacon sandwich with ketchup. His perfect breakfast.

I drink my coffee black and like toasted bacon sandwiches with brown sauce.

I cried in my car on my way to work and finally decided that if, after 10 years of marriage, my husband didn’t even know how I drink my coffee, I deserved more. I deserved someone who looked after me as much as I looked after him.

I’m now nearly 43, l live in my dream house with a kind, caring, considerate man who I have fantastic sex with all of the time, I have lost weight, I have been promoted and I have a great life.

Our children are absolutely fine, we both (to be fair to ex) put them front and centre of every decision we made and we have never fought in front of them or slagged each other off.

It wasn’t easy but it was so so worth it.

@FingerBubble snap; me too 100% I'd love to just pack up and go but being adults with a mortgage & DS complicates it so much! Sending solidarity !

[quote FingerBubble]@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

It is really sad, and I also know I’m fortunate I so many ways, but I don’t think it’s being spoiled to admit to being unhappy and to want to be cherished. And even if you never meet anyone else, it’s surely got to be better than pretending? At least, I think it is, but then I’m terrified of the implications of saying that! At the moment it feels unthinkable to uproot my kids and cause them such upset but…Your marriage is supposed to be the anchor point of your life, and if it’s basically a shell, it sort of makes a mockery of everything else.

Someone asked me recently what DH felt about a certain situation, and my first thought was that I couldn’t have cared less how he was feeling. And it wasn’t a stray thought, that’s how I feel deep down - I just have no feelings for him, beyond annoyance when he is an selfish arsehole (which is a frequent occurrence, but he has always been and I turned a blind eye, so in some ways it’s a bit rich for me to complain about it now - I feel like my friends ( many of whom I’ve lost as they disliked him so much) and family will say I’ve made my bed and I should lay in it. And that’s what I’ve been doing up til now, and telling myself it’s fine to not feel attraction to your husband, it’s fine to have no emotional connection, it’s fine to wish he would have an affair, etc etc.

It’s so awful to write this down, but very cathartic[/quote]
My gosh, the more I read, the more it feels like I'm looking into a mirror. Everything, and I mean, Everything you've said is resonating so deeply with me. All of the feelings; I've felt a veil lift the past 2 years and finally see my marriage for what it is, over. Tried to tell my H last year and he projected it all onto me saying I had emotionally neglected him. Even though he had stonewalled me for 4 months previous to that conversation! Complete silent treatment. He then cited I've caused him mental health problems because of it. I felt so guilty so said we could coparent and cohabit while he got help. Now I feel totally and utterly trapped. He's living his best life as if nothing is wrong and slowly but surely I'm an disappearing, I can feel it. I went to divorce lawyer and found out I would lose so much more than him financially as I'm the higher earner. That was a shock; then when I number crunched I knew I would struggle providing a nice quality of life for my DS alone. Incidentally, DS adores his father. What to do?? Despair 😩

@findthecourage

So sorry to hear you are in this position too, though I’m somewhat cheered by the solidarity, if you know what I mean! - have you discussed this with anyone in Real Life? I can’t bring myself to do it, it will make it too real.