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Original poster

Would you date a 53 year old if you were 35?

186 replies

Clamchowder07 · 08/03/2022 21:35

Matched with someone on tinder. Have got on very well so far.. He was very upfront about his age.
I'm wondering if it's too much of a gap? Conversation has been good and free flowing. Are there more cons to pros with a significant age gap?

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 09/03/2022 01:19

No, men tend to not age well. Poor habits, reluctance to go to the doctor. He'll be retired and you still working.
You'd end up being his carer.

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 09/03/2022 06:48

I would, yes, if he was in good shape and youthful.

DoobryWhatsit · 09/03/2022 06:53

In general, I'd say the right person is more important than the right age. But. I'm 35 and my husband is 45,and even that feels like a very big age just now (much more so than when we were 25 and 35, which I wasn't expecting. I thought the gap would feel less as we got older)

Rainbowqueeen · 09/03/2022 07:42

No
And definitely not in the case of this guy. He’s clearly lied about his age as otherwise he would not have matched with you given your filters. So in my mind he’s a proven liar, a bit creepy and certainly not worth the risk

Littlebylittlelittle · 09/03/2022 07:43

Have you asked him how he came up in your searches when your age guides was set below his age ?
I’d ask this and then if he says he had his age set lower I’d be asking why ? It might reveal a lot about his attitudes towards women and especially women aging

notthatonethisone · 09/03/2022 07:54

I dated someone 20 years older than me. Yes he lied online to fit my filters... he never actually came out and said he'd lied either.

We did have a connection. He's lovely. And we still chat occasionally. But it became quickly apparent how different our lives are. His eldest has kids so he's officially a grand dad. Mine were at primary school. He was winding down his business to retire. Me I was working like crazy to pay for my divorce. We had different outlooks on what we wanted. He wanted to escape and travel more (as he was retired!) I was organising play dates. Practically we just didn't work. Which is why I love him as a friend but we were never going to be a couple.

Also I met someone online who was a serial dater of women 20 years younger than him. That gave me the serious ick. What the fucks wrong with a 50 year old guy that he can't talk/date with women his own age. He just kept saying he had nothing in common and he didn't fancy older women. ('Older' being his age...)

I was in perpetual fear he would ditch me when I got too 'old' for a younger model. Plus it soon became clear he was very fixed in his attitudes. He just wanted someone young and malleable. I was out.

I'm not saying either are like your guy. But there are some serious questions about him lying about his age and why he's looking for someone so much younger. Id ask him what he thinks of the age gap.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 09/03/2022 08:02

No.

I'm almost 55 and no way would I consider a relationship with a 73 year old. I would never have wanted a relationship with someone old enough to be my father.

BottleBrushTree · 09/03/2022 08:29

No, ick

Enko · 09/03/2022 08:36

I would and the him being retired me not would not worry me. Compatability counts for so much and for me I'd rather have the time with someone I love and care about and enjoy my time with than miss out on it.

3 of our friends suddenly died healthy men in their 40s and 50s and their wives have had to rebuild from a pow of having years and years left. If you start out knowing the years may be shorter you wil go for ensuring they have value

Happinessl · 09/03/2022 08:37

Honestly no way.

DH is 8 years older than me, and that feels too big of a gap sometimes. Especially as I am nearly 40, he’s 48, and we talk about one more baby (he says he feels too old so that’s a no), and what we want in the future - I want more active holidays etc, but he’s getting pretty tired now. Plus he has a bad back etc.

I know you don’t want any more children, but DH - at even 8 years older than me - is at odds with what I want with my life right now.

VaddaABeetch · 09/03/2022 08:37

My sister is 51 married to a 69 year old. Her phone calls all start to me with ‘he’s driving me mad’! She also says that he has slowed down but he wants her to slow down too. Doesn’t want to go out, wants to go to bed at 8.

Sorehandsandfeet · 09/03/2022 09:04

I wouldn't. Someone close to me married a man in his 40s when she was in her 20s. She was mature and career driven, he was funny and young at heart. Turned out he was controlling, verbally abusive and lazy. She feels trapped both financially and in regards to their children. The fun has gone.
Also, I know a man whose marriage with his wife (12 years younger) is breaking down. He has expressed to my (rightfully disgusted) DH that he is going to actively look for a 27/28 year old as they are easier to deal with. He is mid to late 50s. Uuurghh!

SauceGirl · 09/03/2022 09:14

@shamalidacdak have you seen the average women in her 50s 🤢

Crumbs22 · 09/03/2022 09:33

No as a rule. But it depends on what you want out of it. The fact that his eldest kid is only 7 years younger would give me major ick. Sorry.

Original poster
Clamchowder07 · 09/03/2022 09:36

The general consensus of this thread is NO............

OP posts:
5128gap · 09/03/2022 09:49

Not with the man being the older one, no. I'm 52 and find that men of my age are typically much older in outlook than me and my female friends. Less fit, less energy, onset of lifestyle related health problems, less enthusiasm for life and set in their ways. If they're not there at mid 50s they are likely to be in a couple of years or so. In the context of dating it can be possible to miss these traits, but once things settle into a comfortable long term scenario they often become apparant, and its very frustrating to have someone falling asleep in front of the tv at 9pm if you still want to be enjoying life. I wouldn't consider it at my age never mind at yours.

dizzydizzydizzy · 09/03/2022 09:58

I'm 54 and DP is 73. DM is 78. The age gap has never been an issue. We have a lot of similar interests and views. Our DCs are 17 and 19. We do have other issues though but nothing to do with the age difference.

Littlebylittlelittle · 09/03/2022 09:59

[quote SauceGirl]@shamalidacdak have you seen the average women in her 50s 🤢[/quote]
That’s exactly the attitude of men that women are talking about … the whole ‘women my age are disgusting ‘

And before you go screaming ‘double standard ‘ it’s a well established fact that women throughout their entire lives including their 50s in general take way better care of themselves than men
They spend more on personal skin care , clothing and self care , they visit their dr more frequently than men and are more likely to look into self development, meditation and self help
So yeah some women may not look after themselves but in general the numbers of older men who don’t is far greater
There is also a much stronger prejudice against older women from men than the other way around
Whilst a few women may find older men unsayable , many many men only want younger women
More pliable and boosts their fragile egos - another thing they could work on if they cared to do a little self development Smile

Halllyup17 · 09/03/2022 10:01

I know three couples in relationships with large age gaps. One is 35 with a 53 year old, and the other is 36 with a 60 year old. Both of them have been married for a few years and have children. The other is almost 80 and her husband died 30 years ago. She's been on her own ever since, and they didn't have children.

I'm torn, tbh. It's almost inevitable that you'll end up on your own, but I suppose that's not much different to now and you deserve to be happy. If your family/his family can accept it and it's not likely to cause any hostility then I'd probably go for it.

CatFacedGirl · 09/03/2022 10:02

So much stupid casual ageism on this thread.

Anyway, I think this is rather a moot point right now tbh OP. You've matched with him on tinder and not even met him yet? I really wouldn't concern your thoughts too much with a future of wiping his arse and cleaning his false teeth right now.

In your position, you'd be wiser to go for someone your own age for sure. But describing someone of 53 as being 'old af' - as a previous poster did - is just fucking rude. Ageing is a privilege denied to many eh?

5128gap · 09/03/2022 10:03

[quote SauceGirl]@shamalidacdak have you seen the average women in her 50s 🤢[/quote]
Lol. Everyday in the mirror and throughout my office. Looking great to a woman! Clearly you must have a high bar if other women prompt a sick emoji, so maybe post a picture so we can see what we should be aspiring to? Smile

Littlebylittlelittle · 09/03/2022 10:05

@CatFacedGirl

So much stupid casual ageism on this thread.

Anyway, I think this is rather a moot point right now tbh OP. You've matched with him on tinder and not even met him yet? I really wouldn't concern your thoughts too much with a future of wiping his arse and cleaning his false teeth right now.

In your position, you'd be wiser to go for someone your own age for sure. But describing someone of 53 as being 'old af' - as a previous poster did - is just fucking rude. Ageing is a privilege denied to many eh?

But isn’t it ageism when a man sets his age lower to attempt to only see women younger because women his age are somehow ‘below him ‘?
Littlebylittlelittle · 09/03/2022 10:06

@SauceGirl
Yes please post a pic so all us old hags can see what true beauty looks like

garlicandsapphires · 09/03/2022 10:08

Age gaps are fine IMO BUT I’d never date an older man again.

Lobaloo · 09/03/2022 10:11

I could write about my own experience of my 19 year age gap relationship but I'd be here all day. Don't do it.