Would you date a 53 year old if you were 35?

[Clamchowder07]

Matched with someone on tinder. Have got on very well so far.. He was very upfront about his age.
I'm wondering if it's too much of a gap? Conversation has been good and free flowing. Are there more cons to pros with a significant age gap?

I think as you are both on the same page with regards to more kids, then yes, I would continue to see him while you get in well.

No. I'm 50-ish and boyfriend and his mates talk sometimes about their previous dates with much younger women. How it's fun at first but hard work later because you're at different life stages, and how it's up much more comfortable going out with someone near your own age. Here are just a few potential issues :
-Might you want children in future? He almost certainly won't.
-You're missing lots of cultural reference points, films and music you liked as teenagers, different attitudes. All friction in the mix.
-For most men, sex will be different as they age. Most want it less often. Many will get erectile dysfunction. Do you want to be dealing with that in your 30s?
-Supposing this lasts... You would really start to notice the difference in 10 years' time. I noticed it with ex-husband who was nearly 10 years older than me. Health, attitudes, those differences become more pronounced as you age. They can seem like old men, while you're in your prime.

There have been some great threads on this board from women who've been there, done that - definitely worth a search!

As long as you don’t want more kids, sure.

Men around 50 start to decline big time imo, and many turn into stereotypical grumpy old gits. I know this is MN where it’s all unicorns and rainbows but that’s what I see in real life.

Not a chance. Im 46 and I wouldnt go out with a 53 year old. To me they look like old men. Or certainly the ones I have seen on old do. My ex was 10 years older. Young studs only for me now.

I generally go for older men, but 10 years maximum. This is pushing it a bit, suppose one date to suss him out wouldn't hurt.

@Skelligsfeathers 😂 thank you so much for this calculation.

@BlackCoffeeInAPoolOfSunshine

I must say I'm 47 and definitely would not want to be in a relationship with a 65 year old - that sounds worse than 35 and 53.

He'll be 71 when you're 53. The age gap is more palatable when you're the ages you are than it will be later.

I wonder if he'd go on a date with a 71 year old tomorrow?

/YEH< 35 and 53 sounds ok, a bit ''power couple'' perhaps (he is alpha, rich, still working, still looks ok for his age) but fast forward and then when you're 53 he'll be 71 and that just sounds awful.

The poster with the husband 25 years older than her, that's not something that most people could envisage. I just couldn't imagine feeling ''that way'' about somebody so much older.

@DivorcedAndDelighted

No. I'm 50-ish and boyfriend and his mates talk sometimes about their previous dates with much younger women. How it's fun at first but hard work later because you're at different life stages, and how it's up much more comfortable going out with someone near your own age. Here are just a few potential issues : -Might you want children in future? He almost certainly won't. -You're missing lots of cultural reference points, films and music you liked as teenagers, different attitudes. All friction in the mix. -For most men, sex will be different as they age. Most want it less often. Many will get erectile dysfunction. Do you want to be dealing with that in your 30s? -Supposing this lasts... You would really start to notice the difference in 10 years' time. I noticed it with ex-husband who was nearly 10 years older than me. Health, attitudes, those differences become more pronounced as you age. They can seem like old men, while you're in your prime.

There have been some great threads on this board from women who've been there, done that - definitely worth a search!

OK this puts everything in perspective 😳

No i wouldn't. I have a few friends who have and it never lasts after the honeymoon stage.

The other way round yes .... ie me 53 him 35. Women age better than men.

[quote bigbeautifulweirdo]@Skelligsfeathers 😂 thank you so much for this calculation.[/quote]
Sorry, I am genuinely interested.

It is SUCH a big gap- different life stages completely. How do you make it work?

He says on Tinder he's 53? He's 63 minimum. In my experience of Tinder (which is extensive) roughly 99.99999% of men lie about their age. ID him on your first date at least.

No way. I’m 57 and hoping to retire and travel in a few years. In 20 years I will be 77!! In 20 years you will be my age now. It’s fine when young but not as you get older.

@Skelligsfeathers
He had been married before but no children so didn't have any 'baggage' I guess. We didn't know the age gap until a couple of weeks in... he looked younger than he was and he said he thought I looked older too, seemed mature for my age at the time (said in the nicest possible way). We didn't go for 'dates' just went for a drink every now and then. I was new to the area and his wife had just passed away and so it was nice for both of us to have the company. It was kind of a slow burn get together, took us about 3 months to actually admit that we liked each other and cared for each other. Soon then moved in together and haven't looked back. I know the age gap of this much is unconventional but I consider myself very lucky to have found him. If it all ends tomorrow or goes downhill in terms of health etc it would have been worth it. Touch wood!

OP, don't let the age thing dictate the relationship. Just meet up with no obligation and see what happens. It's when people put pressure on themselves that relationships are unable to truly blossom. Here I am trying to sound like a love expert but I'm certainly not 😂

No. Think what it will be like in twenty years.

No way for me. I like someone around the same age so we can age together

Sorry op I didn't want to hijack the thread... just trying to show my experience as a positive one.

I'm 51 and my DP is 32.
We get on great, I've had my kids he never wants them, we don't feel the age gap.
I'd go for it, no one knows what's round the corner.

I think it is future prospects that put me off. When I'm 53, he'll be approaching 70 odd, I just think of that and it makes me think twice.

No. I’m 48 and dh is ten years older, and he is starting to feel a lot older. Tired more, less active, more grumpy. I love him a lot. But I’m not there yet.

When I was 22 I went out with a 35 year old for a few dates. It was like being with my dad then. He will now be 55 and as he was old fashioned then, I bet he is like my grandfather. It's all about attitude, I guess.

Yes.

This is a Tinder match we're talking about - I'd throw him back because you'll have plenty of other options soon, all within say 7 years of your age. Why bother with something that really could make life harder if it works out? The happy outcome for @bigbeautifulweirdo makes sense because they clicked and got to know each other first. Sometimes these situations find us! But why bother if you don't have that prior connection? At least OLD has some good points along with all the bad stuff, and one of those is the ability to filter people before you meet them!

Friend is 56 her husband is 66. They have had many happy years but she said she is becoming increasingly aware of the age difference now. He is very much slipping into 'old git' territory She is beginning to dread the years to come.

No way would waste my younger years on a man of that age! I am close to that age too. I bet they can't believe their luck!

I would definitely find someone closer in age.