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Original poster

Would you date a 53 year old if you were 35?

186 replies

Clamchowder07 · 08/03/2022 21:35

Matched with someone on tinder. Have got on very well so far.. He was very upfront about his age.
I'm wondering if it's too much of a gap? Conversation has been good and free flowing. Are there more cons to pros with a significant age gap?

OP posts:
Hydrate · 08/03/2022 23:23

I would not date someone who will die before me, I would aim for somebody closer to my own age to grow old with.

GreenClock · 08/03/2022 23:26

The positive age-gap stories on here come from people like bigbeautiful and threeboysandadog who didn’t meet their husbands on Tinder or the like.

I think age-gap pairings work better when you meet someone out and about or via friends/work, as they did.

You “matched” on Tinder - this fella seems to be seeking out thirtysomethings online which is a different story tbh. It’s a bit creepy.

Gensola · 08/03/2022 23:28

I’m 36 and my husband is 56 - we are very happy Smile of course I do worry about him dying first but I’d rather have all the happy years now even if that happens than have not been with him for fear of it happening. There are no guarantees - I buried my 29 year old sibling last year.

irishfarmer · 08/03/2022 23:30

No from me too. A work friend is 20 years younger than her DH. She was 33ish when they got together. He was her knight in shining armour at a time she was struggling. Now though she is still a very attractive woman, he looks like an old grandad next to her. She said she feels stuck with him because he was there when she needed him. But now she is has to tailor her life around his slower pace

Successgirl2022 · 08/03/2022 23:36

18 years gap is a bit too much for me.

I am 42, my husband is 55. We got married 17 years ago when I was 25 and he was 38. It has worked for us and he is on a younger side. I feel like he is a maximum of 5-7 years older than me, not 13.

When I was looking for my future husband, in my mind I had an age gap of a maximum up to 10 years. When I met him, I agreed to 13 :).

It's all very individual.

What pluses and strengths has he got? What are his minuses & weaknesses?

Bromse · 08/03/2022 23:38

@Hydrate

I would not date someone who will die before me, I would aim for somebody closer to my own age to grow old with.
I dated and married someone who died before me and he was only six months older.

A friend married a guy just a few years younger than her and he died from cancer.

These things happen all the time.

You don't know what life has in store for you.

MissCaptain · 08/03/2022 23:40

Personally I would say no. There will come a time when the age gap will be a problem. I am currently breaking up with someone 22 years older than me for that reason and it is heartbreaking. That said a very close friend will shortly lose her fiancé, who is only two years older than her, to terminal cancer - there are no guarantees with anything in life. I have had the best of best times with my much older partner, he has been my best friend and the love of my life. I don't regret the years we have had together - I just feel so, so sad he's not 20 years younger and then I would be the happiest woman alive.

Threeboysandadog · 08/03/2022 23:42

@GreenClock

The positive age-gap stories on here come from people like bigbeautiful and threeboysandadog who didn’t meet their husbands on Tinder or the like.

I think age-gap pairings work better when you meet someone out and about or via friends/work, as they did.

You “matched” on Tinder - this fella seems to be seeking out thirtysomethings online which is a different story tbh. It’s a bit creepy.

Actually, I do think @GreenClock has a good point here.
Anoooshka · 08/03/2022 23:42

@BlackCoffeeInAPoolOfSunshine

I must say I'm 47 and definitely would not want to be in a relationship with a 65 year old - that sounds worse than 35 and 53.

He'll be 71 when you're 53. The age gap is more palatable when you're the ages you are than it will be later.

I wonder if he'd go on a date with a 71 year old tomorrow?

I'm nearly 53 and I definitely wouldn't want to go out with a 71 yr old. My dad's only 73! My DH is younger than me and he already falls asleep in front of the TV in the evening.
shamalidacdak · 08/03/2022 23:43

Hell to the no. Have you seen the average man in his fifties?

EarthSight · 08/03/2022 23:43

@Clamchowder07

Matched with someone on tinder. Have got on very well so far.. He was very upfront about his age. I'm wondering if it's too much of a gap? Conversation has been good and free flowing. Are there more cons to pros with a significant age gap?
Are you mad? He's almost 20 years older than you. If you want a fling or have Daddy issues that's one thing, but large ages gaps like this are often trouble.
Tulips21 · 08/03/2022 23:45

no because my parents are the same age (mid 50s) and Im 36

Sportslady44 · 08/03/2022 23:47

Bloody he'll here we go again another bloody age gap thread. What's wrong with ppl. Does everyone relationship where ppl are the same age work out. It's crazy to keep asking these questions

Sportslady44 · 08/03/2022 23:52

Lol. What on earth is daddy issues. Most stupidest thing I've heard.

LimeSegment · 08/03/2022 23:55

Nope I wouldn't, I've got a ten year age gap and even that is too much really. He seems so much older and I just don't feel like we are going through life together.

Plus as pp said, would he date a 71 year old? Or be interested in you if the ages were reversed? No, he'd rather chop his own dick off I bet.

notangelinajolie · 09/03/2022 00:02

Well I'm older than 53 Sad but when I was 35, I thought 53 was very old and wrinkly. So no, I wouldn't.

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/03/2022 00:02

It’s not ideal. By the time he is 65 and you are 45 you will be in very different places, and that will only get more so. Also a good chance you’ll end up as his carer or at least with a very restricted lifestyle when he is very old and you aren’t.

There are no pros to such a big gap. Of course if you are crackers about him you might think the downsides are worth it.

Twobirdsinatree · 09/03/2022 00:03

I'm married to someone 16 years older.
Depends on your priorities and needs from a relationship theres no hard and fast rule as long as you are both adults!
For me it was just that the man I loved happened to be that much older than me... im aware that it might shorten the time we have together and I might face the end of my own life without him... but thats just how it is.

Id say seeing as how neither of you want kids and you get on well then why not just give it a go and see what happens?
From personal experience id say that being a similar age doesn't necessarily equate to being on the same page... I dated some men my own age before I was with my husband who I didnt have anything at all in common with on any deep level.. it looked like we did on the surface but it wasnt true...
Whereas with my husband I guess on the surface people would question it due to the age gap yet I've never felt more connected to anyone

CthulhuInDisguise · 09/03/2022 00:05

My late DH was 22 years older than me. I love him still and have no regrets at all about our relationship. We were so happy. However. My new partner is 48 (I'm 42) and I don't think I would go older than that really now. I know he can still get sick and die, like DH did, but the odds are a bit better with this one.

Littlebylittlelittle · 09/03/2022 00:18

I’m his age and my kids are your age . My parents are also eighteen yrs older than me
So a big no for me .
For me I’d find it off dating someone the age of my parents … or my kids for that matter… I’d also be wondering why he wants to date someone so muc younger r

springtimeishereagain · 09/03/2022 00:25

It's a massive age difference. You will be at very different life stages.

Do you want kids? Not with this bloke.

What if he becomes ill or incapacitated?? Will you look after him?

Sparticuscaticus · 09/03/2022 00:25

He lied when he set up his profile and that would annoy me. I cut short a date out with a very nice man as he had lied and looked and was clearly older than he said. He then admitted it. And that was 13 years older

So nope no and no, 19 years older? It's a whole generation difference and it will become obvious as the years go by.

Only you know if it is worth it but I wouldn't be happy at outset that he lied on OLD and to me at the start. & why would he lie? Bc he wants a younger woman and to start a relationship with dishonesty about something important.

So no. I would bin him off early as dishonest

Littlebylittlelittle · 09/03/2022 00:50

@Clamchowder07

I actually didn't. That's a good point. My filters were 37 to 47.. Which would say he's lied about his age when setting up his profile wouldn't it 🤔
Which suggests he is specifically only searching women younger and thinks he’s too good for women his own age Yuk
Successgirl2022 · 09/03/2022 00:53

Our 13 years gap in 2005 :)

And us 17 years later :)

Would you date a 53 year old if you were 35?
notthemum · 09/03/2022 01:11

No, when I was around 19 I made the mistake of dating a man who was 30 years older. (Knew he was much older but not quite that much) . Turned out he knew my dad.
I was with him about 2 years his controlling, mentally abusive behaviour became worse over time . (Was lovely when we first met). Ended badly and caused a lot of embarrassment for me, was horrible for family, police were involved. I would never go there again.