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Original poster

Choking during sex, is this normal

635 replies

IsThisNormalOr · 07/03/2022 21:15

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

OP posts:
BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 22:57

@RoccosGirl

‘I love being choked during sex’ - said no man ever.
Rubbish. Iv had men ask me to do it to them.
PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2022 22:57

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DukeofEarlGrey · 07/03/2022 22:59

It would be a hell no from me.

CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 22:59

@BeHappy91818 thank you! This is what I’ve been trying to say, maybe I haven’t been explaining it the best

HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 22:59

If you are a man who is willingly putting his hands around your partner's neck and compressing it in any way therefore putting her life and wellbeing at serious risk then damn right you should be ashamed of it.

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 22:59

I like being choked. It’s pretty normal and I wouldn’t even consider it a kink.

AHungryCaterpillar · 07/03/2022 22:59

Men do like it too, maybe it’s not as common but some men do.

FionaMacCool · 07/03/2022 22:59

Oh for goodness sake it's not normal..... why do we warn our children to not put their hands around other children's necks....or not to wear things too tightly around their necks.

And, if you dont believe a random stranger on MN, try reading that book by the forensic pathologist re deaths by asphyxiation ("The 7 ages of Death").
Death can result from pressure on the carotid...immediately.

" Numerous studies have shown that non-fatal strangulation is one of the highest markers for future homicide, which is why Australia, New Zealand, Canada and most US states have developed preventative legislation to strengthen police, prosecutorial and sentencing policies that surround it. " source The Guardian www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex

I will not be a cool girl and go along with any narrative that suggests choking is normal. It isn't.

PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2022 23:00

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ImInStealthMode · 07/03/2022 23:01

I'm in the camp of liking it (with my DP who I trust implicitly, doesn't actually apply pressure and removes his hand immediately if I so much as flinch) but on a first date / first time and without any prior discussion or encouragement that is a red flag so big you could see it from space. RUN OP.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 23:02

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HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 23:02

I like being choked. It’s pretty normal and I wouldn’t even consider it a kink.

It's not even close to normal.

Sunnierdays7 · 07/03/2022 23:02

Please don’t throw anything at me but I’m not necessarily seeing a red flag here.
You say it was not hard around your throat so he was just placing his hands there? Maybe he has been inspired by porn or this could be something he assumes women like maybe prev people have?
He was prob extra confident due to being drunk. I would not be running, had her have choked me (attempted to) I would have pushed him off. I can see why people are being cautious but he was not forceful ?
Maybe say to him is they something you like? How did it make you feel ? Scared/intrigued be honest with him. It may be he assumes it’s something people like. I would not never see him again personally.
Clear the air if you like him. X

FionaMacCool · 07/03/2022 23:03

@BeHappy91818

I like being choked. It’s pretty normal and I wouldn’t even consider it a kink.
This is so sad. So so sad.
PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2022 23:03

So you’re not even making any attempt to step back from your victim blaming posts @BeHappy91818?

The op didn’t ask for this to happen to her but according to you the man did nothing wrong? Seriously?

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 23:03

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BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 23:03

With*

Sunnierdays7 · 07/03/2022 23:04

If you don’t like it and he tries it again, push him off and there’s a red glad or if he acts in anyway thst makes you feel
Uncomfortable x

Bromse · 07/03/2022 23:04

@AHungryCaterpillar

Men do like it too, maybe it’s not as common but some men do.
It sometimes happens in gay sex, same as straight. Unfortunately. There have been well documented casualties where it has gone too far.
BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 23:04

@FionaMacCool

Considering I like it and so do lots of other women I’m not sure what’s sad. Hmm

CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 23:04

What makes it so so sad?

JadedSoJaded · 07/03/2022 23:05

Get rid. I was seeing a guy I was very into. First time we had sex, he put his hands around my throat. I told him not to ever do that again. He apologised and said he got carried away. As time went on he did dubious things I specifically asked him not to. Again, sheepish & apologetic. I realised he was middle aged, seemingly with not much relationship experience, and likely a porn addict. Biggest turn off. With hindsight I am so ashamed I didn’t dump him after that first incident. Not sure why I let my boundaries slip as it was a sign of how he viewed women & their bodies.

Friendofdennis · 07/03/2022 23:05

Horrible Shows a hatred of women

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 23:05

@PurpleDaisies

So you’re not even making any attempt to step back from your victim blaming posts *@BeHappy91818*?

The op didn’t ask for this to happen to her but according to you the man did nothing wrong? Seriously?

I stand by what I said.
HRTQueen · 07/03/2022 23:05

What is going to be normal next

A beating until women are unconscious

Ffs how degraded do women now have to be to have enjoyable sex