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Original poster

Choking during sex, is this normal

635 replies

IsThisNormalOr · 07/03/2022 21:15

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

OP posts:
JuteWeaver · 07/03/2022 22:42

He's been watching wayyyy too much porn. No, this is not normal fir most people, especially those who haven't talked seriously about it beforehand.
Run. As fast as you can.

Honeymint · 07/03/2022 22:43

It’s possible he thought you’d be into it? A while after I met my husband he told me his two girlfriends before me had been really into choking and it scared him a bit. I’m pretty vanilla myself and not into it, but it seems like something a lot of people are into these days.

If you really get on well and you like him, I’d ask him about it in case it’s a miscommunication.

AlisonDonut · 07/03/2022 22:44

It is not fucking normal...if it was women would be doing it to men all the time right?

PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2022 22:44

It’s possible he thought you’d be into it?

So he asks. You don’t just go ahead and strangle someone just in case they like that sort of thing.

TheCatThatWalkedAlone · 07/03/2022 22:45

If you met him on OLD, before blocking him consider asking the relevant site what their policy is on removing the profiles of members who commit sexual assault.

Consider seeking advice from rape crisis centre.

CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 22:45

@AlisonDonut

It is not fucking normal...if it was women would be doing it to men all the time right?
It is actually a fairly normal link. But needs to be discussed first with permission obtained.
CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 22:45

*kink

Pallisers · 07/03/2022 22:47

I quite like choking…..does this mean I’m not normal?

OMG you are so COOL.

Interesting that you understood that the OP was choked with no discussion first and no discussion of boundaries. But your first sentence was "I like choking" No one cares what you like. What we care about is what people should expect in a normal sexual encounter. And it isn't choking.

KatherineJaneway · 07/03/2022 22:48

Not normal

CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 22:48

@Pallisers

I quite like choking…..does this mean I’m not normal?

OMG you are so COOL.

Interesting that you understood that the OP was choked with no discussion first and no discussion of boundaries. But your first sentence was "I like choking" No one cares what you like. What we care about is what people should expect in a normal sexual encounter. And it isn't choking.

Who are you to decide what a “normal” sexual encounter is? Sex is different for everyone, there is no normal
PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2022 22:50

Sex is different for everyone, there is no normal

Rubbish.
It is normal to establish that your partner consents to what you’re going to do to them, especially if it’s something like choking them.

HRTQueen · 07/03/2022 22:51

It’s not normal

Block him

Some like to practise dangerous sex and they can consent beforehand to do so. It can’t be done safely there is always a risk

yourestandingonmyneck · 07/03/2022 22:51

@heyitsthistle

I'm going against the grain here... I love being choked during sex.

That said, it should be up to the person who likes being choked to move the other person's hands to their throat. It should never be done without consent.

Can I ask what the appeal is?

I find choking in normal life (on food, drinks, saliva) quite terrifying and unpleasant.

I've never been choked / strangled during sex, it seems an odd combo to me.

What is it like?

ShippingNews · 07/03/2022 22:52

@thenightsky

Did you put your hands around HIS throat when you switched positions?
Exactly. It's always men who want to do this to women. I'd run .
CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 22:52

@PurpleDaisies

Sex is different for everyone, there is no normal

Rubbish.
It is normal to establish that your partner consents to what you’re going to do to them, especially if it’s something like choking them.

I think I didn’t explain myself correctly.

I said in my first post consent and discussion is essential. I am trying to say that there is no normal for sex, everyone likes what they like…but there should be no kink shaming. But “normal” sex is different for everyone

HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 22:52

Who are you to decide what a “normal” sexual encounter is? Sex is different for everyone, there is no normal

Oh bullshit. There is nothing normal about doing something that could easily leave your sexual partner with permanent injury, disability or even lead to their death. There is no safe way to compress someone's neck.

ronjobbins · 07/03/2022 22:53

@PotteringAlong

Absolutely not, and not without a serious chat first.

Run. Don’t look back Flowers

Run like the wind 🏃‍♀️
RoccosGirl · 07/03/2022 22:54

I’m absolutely terrified about my daughter having sex for the first time and encountering a pornsick bastard who gets his kicks from choking/ strangling her. HOW can any human being get aroused by putting their hands round someone’s neck? And why is it only ever the woman who is slapped, choked etc? It’s astonishing that after 100 years of feminism this is where we are. Choking as a kink that women are ‘frigid’ for not accepting as the norm

Anonymouslyposting · 07/03/2022 22:55

There’s nothing wrong with doing things like that where the choked party is into it and the choking party knows how to be safe. Doing it without prompting to someone you barely know? Absolutely not normal. Disrespectful and dangerous.

RoccosGirl · 07/03/2022 22:55

‘I love being choked during sex’ - said no man ever.

MrsBerthaRochester · 07/03/2022 22:56

No it is not normal but it is becoming normalised and tes it IS porn.
I was on a well known site that was solely for casual sex and pretty much every single guy I met expected porn type sex so anal(as a given) choking, hair pulling, spitting,spanking. I actually quite enjoy sex that is a little bit rough(with consent) but on two occasions I was assaulted by men as they thought it was acceptable.
Young girls are being very very damaged by this.

CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 22:56

In my experience, I had a partner who asked me to do it to him first.

But I also think and I said previously any form of kink should be thoroughly discussed first between the partners.

There does seem to be a fair amount of kink shaming on here though. Who is to say what is normal in someone else’s sex life 🤷🏻‍♀️

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 22:56

There’s nothing wrong with doing things like that where the choked party is into it and the choking party knows how to be safe

The only way to do it safely is by not putting your hands on their neck at all. Otherwise it isn't at all safe.

CupcakesAndCastles · 07/03/2022 22:57

@RoccosGirl

‘I love being choked during sex’ - said no man ever.
My partner said this to me during a discussion
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