Page 19 | Choking during sex, is this normal

Vitani · 08/03/2022 18:38

it’s so tediously, predictably banal that it’s always men doing it, and always women on the receiving end.

Except it isn't always. Me and DP both engage in it, because he isn't always in the "dominant" role during the rough sex, sometimes he is the submissive. We enjoy both.

If you mean it's women on the receiving end the majority of the time, then say that, because it's more accurate than using "always".

SunshineCake1 · 08/03/2022 18:44

I was strangled as a child by the foster "carer". It causes me to pass urine. I assume you aren't all pissing the bed while you "like" being choked/strangled.

PleaseDontDriveMeBlind · 08/03/2022 18:52

can't wait to pander to violent male fantasies in the desperate hope that it makes them sound more appealing

I didn't need porn or a man to show me I was interested in this, weirdly enough.

I remember being 15 and watching Supernatural for the first time on TV. Watching the male characters pin each other up against the wall, punch each other, be threatening with each other, just aroused me. No porn, no violent male fantasy against women made that happen. Simply watching hot attractive men fight with each other aroused me, I just wanted them to kiss and have angry sex during the fight or whatever. Even watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - the scene with Bellatrix on top of Hermione with the knife torturing her for information. It's not porn, it still turned me on.

Pootle40 · 08/03/2022 18:54

Did you hear about the girl in New Zealand? She was killed.

HRTQueen · 08/03/2022 18:58

gobbyshafto You are foolish to believe the narrative that is can be done safely but then the term breath play makes it sound such harmless fun

And you should know that it can’t be done safely. That you haven’t been harmed doesn’t mean that you will never be it is always risky

Obstructing oxygen to the brain is always risky it’s not rocket science

You can’t be that foolish to think that is not dangerous if done with consent and you enjoy it

fromdownwest · 08/03/2022 19:06

@lovelyluvvy - Who made you the universal standard of what two consenting adults can do in the safety of their own home?

Me and my partner enjoy occasional rough sex, yes hands on throat, yes slapping, both ways. We enjoy it, it gets us off, no one is harmed.

Yet people on here seem to link this with wanting to kill someone.

People enjoy different things, get over it, just because it repulses you, doesn't make it wrong. I personally loathe Christmas Pudding, but many people like it, doesn't make them wrong 'uns

Bogofftosomewherehot · 08/03/2022 19:10

no!!!

swallowingrazorblades · 08/03/2022 19:15

I haven't read the full thread. You were NOT choked. You survived a non fatal strangulation. You choke on a grape. Someone's hands around your neck is a dangerous action. Very very few people can be confident about the amount of pressure they are exerting and the PSI of pressure needed to cause serious injury or death is a lot less than people think.
I have been involved in sexual health, care of people following sexual offences and similar for 30 years. We hardly ever saw this until relatively recently. So much so there has been specific guidance and assessment tools for professionals about this as it's so prevalent and normalised despite some serious side effects. My dept send someone to ED to be assessed for this as they come out as high risk about once a week.

Crikeyalmighty · 08/03/2022 19:26

The cool girls on here— if you like this kind of BDSM stuff and get off on the fact you know all sorts of terms that is ordinary vanilla mortals don’t — then good for you but please don’t try and convince everyone else that we are all a bit pearl clutching because we aren’t ok with being choked, anal, being slapped etc. Anyone trying to slap or choke me would come across my own particular fetish for ball twisting !!

Prettynails · 08/03/2022 19:27

@IsThisNormalOr

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

Is this for real? No it’s not normal. Ever. Unless you have previously discussed and agreed something like this. Bloody terrifying

Prettynails · 08/03/2022 19:28

@Pootle40

Did you hear about the girl in New Zealand? She was killed.

And he claims she liked it and asked for it - shame she’s not around to agree or disagree

Hasselhoffsheadband · 08/03/2022 19:34

@PleaseDontDriveMeBlind

can't wait to pander to violent male fantasies in the desperate hope that it makes them sound more appealing

I didn't need porn or a man to show me I was interested in this, weirdly enough.

I remember being 15 and watching Supernatural for the first time on TV. Watching the male characters pin each other up against the wall, punch each other, be threatening with each other, just aroused me. No porn, no violent male fantasy against women made that happen. Simply watching hot attractive men fight with each other aroused me, I just wanted them to kiss and have angry sex during the fight or whatever. Even watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - the scene with Bellatrix on top of Hermione with the knife torturing her for information. It's not porn, it still turned me on.

Christ.......

Vitani · 08/03/2022 19:34

The cool girls on here

Why does someone become a "cool girl" just because they like anal or whatever? It's a term that implies you think you are better than these women, as well as belittling them by calling them "girls". I'm certainly not a "cool girl", in fact I never have been. Bit of a loner and a weirdo actually.

PleaseDontDriveMeBlind · 08/03/2022 19:38

Christ.......

TBF, there's a lot of homoerotic subtext in Supernatural, so a lot of the fight scenes between the males do have an element of sexual tension in the background, although it's never explicit.

longwayoff · 08/03/2022 19:42

Yes, funny how all the dead women "liked it, asked for it". Where have I heard that before?

WetLookKnitwear · 08/03/2022 19:52

Choking is a fetish not a basic part of intimacy. and it’s dangerous regardless of what people might tell you.

If someone starts doing this to you without your consent you shout no, stop, and leave as soon as possible.

limitedperiodonly · 08/03/2022 20:05

I personally loathe Christmas pudding but many people like it. Doesn't make them wrong 'uns."

Interesting analogy @fromdownwest. I love Xmas Pudding but it can be potentially . lethal if you choke on the sixpence. But I can't remember the last time someone surprised me with one of those and no one's desperate to claim it's a harmless tradition like Morecambe and Wise either.

whataballbag · 08/03/2022 20:10

Personally I like it but only in a controlled, consensual, environment with someone I absolutely 100% trust.

This is something that would need to be discussed in depth beforehand, safe words/signals etc agreed.

Someone just deciding to do it off the bat isn't normal, and is extremely concerning. Don't see him again OP

Original poster

IsThisNormalOr · 08/03/2022 20:13

Thanks everyone, I wasn't expecting such a massive response to this post. I celebrated International Women's Day by blocking him, cleaning my house and buying myself some flowers for the kitchen 😂 I'm taking a break from dating for a while and in this time I'm going to work on my self esteem and boundaries. Thanks again!

OP posts:

Bromse · 08/03/2022 20:24

Well done, IsThisNormalOr, that's the spirit.

More

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 08/03/2022 20:36

@lovelyluvvy

And BTW, this is a thread with an OP asking for help. All the banging on (pun intended) about how to do choking, how you like it, how cool you are with it, how you always ask for it not the man etc etc adds absolutely nothing to help the OP, it's purely self-indulgent and makes you sound very insecure.

Pathetic isn't it Especially the one who said 'well it's only for a few seconds it's not life threatening ' 🙄🙄🙄

swallowingrazorblades · 08/03/2022 20:45

@IsThisNormalOr

Thanks everyone, I wasn't expecting such a massive response to this post. I celebrated International Women's Day by blocking him, cleaning my house and buying myself some flowers for the kitchen 😂 I'm taking a break from dating for a while and in this time I'm going to work on my self esteem and boundaries. Thanks again!

Well done you! You know when something isn't right and you've acted appropriately

lovelyluvvy · 08/03/2022 20:45

@PleaseDontDriveMeBlind

can't wait to pander to violent male fantasies in the desperate hope that it makes them sound more appealing

I didn't need porn or a man to show me I was interested in this, weirdly enough.

I remember being 15 and watching Supernatural for the first time on TV. Watching the male characters pin each other up against the wall, punch each other, be threatening with each other, just aroused me. No porn, no violent male fantasy against women made that happen. Simply watching hot attractive men fight with each other aroused me, I just wanted them to kiss and have angry sex during the fight or whatever. Even watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - the scene with Bellatrix on top of Hermione with the knife torturing her for information. It's not porn, it still turned me on.

Sorry but I find all this detailed minutiae of what turns you on it's incredibly tedious, is there a point or are you just trying to sound 'cool'? Is this also something you get off on, boring people to death going on about your sex life and then telling yourself that we're only not interested because we're prudes?

allfromdownwest @lovelyluvvy - Who made you the universal standard of what two consenting adults can do in the safety of their own home? I've said I couldn't care less what consenting adults do. I care about the normalisation of the violent abuse of women during sex, but I think you already know that (if you'd actually read what I've written you would do) and are just trying to make me out to be a pearl-clutching old frump to dismiss my concerns.

swallowingrazorblades · 08/03/2022 20:46

Please for the love of Mumsnet stop calling it choking!!!! It's non fatal strangulation. It doesn't sound as cool then does it?

lovelyluvvy · 08/03/2022 20:49

@IsThisNormalOr

Thanks everyone, I wasn't expecting such a massive response to this post. I celebrated International Women's Day by blocking him, cleaning my house and buying myself some flowers for the kitchen 😂 I'm taking a break from dating for a while and in this time I'm going to work on my self esteem and boundaries. Thanks again!

You've shown you can pick up on red flags so don't take any shit, and it doesn't matter what anyone else enjoys or what men expect of you, only your own boundaries.