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Choking during sex, is this normal

635 replies

IsThisNormalOr · 07/03/2022 21:15

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

OP posts:
DameHelena · 08/03/2022 16:01

@IsThisNormalOr

Thanks everyone. I'm a single mum in my 20s and have only had 1 proper relationship before which was their father. To be honest, this has made me realise I'm not ready for dating. I've actually just received a random drunk message from him as he was out with his friends telling me he can't wait to see me again to ram his hard d*ck in me. Urgh. Block.
Right, well he made the decision easy in the end then didn't he! I hope that doesn't sound too flippant. I don't mean to. I think you made a good decision to not see him and to block him; this message just made it completely crystal-clear that it was the right thing to do.
lovelyluvvy · 08/03/2022 16:12

People can like what ever they like in bed, without the judgement of any pearl clutching types
Pearl-clutching? No, literally no-one gives a shit what you do. You're not more edgy or interesting because you want to be choked, it's not a substitute for personality so get over yourself. I object to women, including myself, being physically assaulted during sex, which is being normalised by violent porn, and encouraged by cool girls who can't wait to pander to violent male fantasies in the desperate hope that it makes them sound more appealing. I was one of those cool girls once and I feel no malice I just feel sorry for them, I hope they gain some self respect.

lovelyluvvy · 08/03/2022 16:15

And BTW, this is a thread with an OP asking for help. All the banging on (pun intended) about how to do choking, how you like it, how cool you are with it, how you always ask for it not the man etc etc adds absolutely nothing to help the OP, it's purely self-indulgent and makes you sound very insecure.

Ifeelgoodgoodgood · 08/03/2022 16:19

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lovelyluvvy · 08/03/2022 16:25

Ifeelgoodgoodgood There is no 'Mumnet narrative', just the individual experiences of women who have been violently assaulted by men as a result of violent porn speaking out about it. Do you have a problem with that? I don't mind at all women saying they enjoy it, but the exhibitionist attention-seeking minutiae of other people's sex lives being displayed on a board where a woman is asking for help is not only inappropriate but just tedious.

bleapmorphism · 08/03/2022 16:26

The 'man' in question wants to abuse women but wants to go down the route of 'consensual' sex because he wants to avoid going to prison.

He wants to avoid prison because, even though he's built to fight, he doesn't really want to fight because he's scared. He has some other physical or mental weakness, plus there is something about him specifically, that will draw unwanted attention from other prisoners.

He will probably try implying that you're 'boring' or 'not sensual' if you tell him 'no' when he starts squeezing your neck.

He'll probably have some hissy fit after being told to get off of - or out of - you. Then he'll probably enjoy verbally abusing you via a technique known as gaslighting. He'll pick on something he thinks you're insecure about and kindly inform you of your failings. He will get very, very annoyed if you come back with calm, sensible and informed responses and will appear almost schizophrenic.

You say you are inexperienced, OP. His sort sniff out 'vulnerable' women. So: women just out of a relationship, women single for a long time desperate to love, introverted women, shy women, women who lack confidence in his particular arena.

Give it no further thought. He has an almighty storm coming his way.

BTW. Don't give up on men because of this one anomaly OP. Flowers

BOOTS52 · 08/03/2022 16:27

No not normal and you could have been in real danger as you hear so many stories about young women been murdered in those situations and of course he gets off as says it was agreed sex game bla bla bla. If he did this on first time what would he be expecting further down the line. If you do want to see him again call him out on it but for me I would have stopped it there and then and asked him what the hell is he doing. Be careful.

Ifeelgoodgoodgood · 08/03/2022 16:29

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underum · 08/03/2022 16:31

@Ifeelgoodgoodgood

I mean, has it been proven that he did it to choke OP?
WTAF?
Ifeelgoodgoodgood · 08/03/2022 16:32

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RampantIvy · 08/03/2022 16:41

Wow. There is some seriously disordered thinking on here.

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 08/03/2022 16:41

@WanderingLost167

People can like what ever they like in bed, without the judgement of any pearl clutching types, but everything in bed and out should be consented to, that's the key.
I think you’re a bit confused.

I can judge what I like. And I definitely judge men who do this, and women who take it.

It’s so tediously, predictably banal that it’s always men doing it, and always women on the receiving end. You think you’re ‘out there’ experimenting with kink? Absolute yawn.

Men don’t want to be choked, strangled, spit on or hit. Says it all.

WellNotReally · 08/03/2022 16:45

@Ifeelgoodgoodgood

I mean, has it been proven that he did it to choke OP?
If someone puts their hands round your throat for a few seconds, they are strangling you. Nothing needs proving Confused I find it shocking how conditioned women are to accept violent male behaviour.
Ifeelgoodgoodgood · 08/03/2022 16:48

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ForTheHorde · 08/03/2022 16:49

@Ifeelgoodgoodgood

WTAF what? Has it been proven or not?
The title of the thread is ‘is it normal to be choked during sex’. Are you suggesting the OP is confused? That the man accidentally choked her (I loved the gem on the last page that he could have been moving position - using her neck to stabilise himself)? I don’t think that part was up for debate.
underum · 08/03/2022 16:50

What do you mean 'adjusting' yourself?

Ifeelgoodgoodgood · 08/03/2022 16:51

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HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 08/03/2022 16:53

Moving.

🙄

lovelyluvvy · 08/03/2022 16:54

No, it isn't proven he was choking her. He also could have just had the elastic fail on his trousers, slipped on a banana peel and then accidentally penetrated her with his erect penis too. It happens all the time!

Ifeelgoodgoodgood · 08/03/2022 16:56

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HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 08/03/2022 16:58

Not once in decades of sex have I moved / adjusted myself by choking my partner. Not once ha or happened to me.

What a load of old tut. Hence the 🙄

CornishGem1975 · 08/03/2022 16:58

I like it (I mean, I wouldn't call it choking or strangulation...I can easily breathe, it's just some light pressure around the neck, normally just one hand, never hard enough to leave a mark) but I wouldn't like it with someone I had only just met. In the same way, I like my hair being pulled. I like rough sex but before it happens, there would have been a decent conversation about it.

LowlandLucky · 08/03/2022 17:02

Luredbyapomegranate Not a bitchy comment at at all. The OP obviously didn't expect him to put his hands around her neck and has she has had to ask if this is normal i would imagine she was shocked.

Ifeelgoodgoodgood · 08/03/2022 17:02

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AlisonDonut · 08/03/2022 17:02

Hand on heart I have never ever strangled someone else when I moved.

Or adjusted myself.

What utter nonsense.

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