Choking during sex, is this normal

[IsThisNormalOr]

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

I enjoy a bit of pressure around my neck, but not full on choking but this is something, like all kink, you have to have prior consent to engage in before doing!

Get out.. not normal and bloody dangerous, physiologically and physically.

Who enjoys watching women be terrified that they're going to die?

If it's agreed upon beforehand and you trust your partner, you don't look like you're terrified that you're going to die IME

Obviously also only have male friends and all women are jealous of you

Most of my friends are women, actually, I only have one close male friend and he's not straight... and I'd describe myself as being more jealous of other women than they are jealous of me . So, no.

Strange assumptions to make based on what a woman says she enjoys in bed. If a woman said she were jealous of me, I'd be rightfully fucking shocked

@AlisonDonut

Why do you want to one prodded by a penis. Let's unravel that.

Lack of oxygen to the brain dear? Strangulation will do that to you.

@AlisonDonut

Penises are used in sexual assaults. It needs to be unpacked.

The answer is: penises can be pleasurable or harmful. Choking can be pleasurable or harmful. If all parties are happy, trust each other and consent it is fine.

Choking during sex is not remotely like being strangled, and if it is, your partner is abusing you. Light pressure on the neck is not strangulation and IME men are actually reluctant to do choking, it's always been me suggesting it. Maybe the men you've encountered are different.

Most sexual acts are MN approved, I don't think anyone takes options on here too seriously.

@WanderingLost167

I enjoy a bit of pressure around my neck, but not full on choking but this is something, like all kink, you have to have prior consent to engage in before doing!

You may as well talk to a wall, people have zero perspective on this site. A male friend going shopping with a woman is controlling. Living at home beyond age 16 and you're entitled and a loser. Everything is taken to extremes.

and IME men are actually reluctant to do choking, it's always been me suggesting it. Maybe the men you've encountered are different.

Same here

@LoisLane66

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Wow.

I’m not sure if it’s the 1920’s that want you back or the victim blaming crew that do.

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/sep/07/darlington-man-jailed-for-four-years-for-choking-woman-during-sex

People can indulge in choking if that's what they're into, none of my business. What I'm not down with is normalising it to the extent that men start doing it to their sexual partners the first time they have sex, and without consent, effectively committing a violent a potentially traumatising assault on an unsuspecting woman which they can then make excuses for. It is not an 'extreme' view to think choking should not be normalised, it is an extreme view to think that it should be.

I like it, but it's not for everyone. Maybe he got carried away, tell him never to do it again x

and IME men are actually reluctant to do choking, it's always been me suggesting it. Maybe the men you've encountered are different.
Clearly, that's the whole point of the thread, that this man did this without consent. I feel like the thread's being derailed by those wanting to show off how cool they are with kinky sex, these kinds of threads always have that effect. If the OP's not cool with it, that's all that matters.

Can you say what you like about it @theveryhungrycatapillar?

I can't imagine enjoying being strangled TBH - the feeling of not being in control and the claustrophobia is something that I simply can't understand what is so enjoyable.

It's always the men choking the women isn't it. How many women would choke a man? And how many women would choke a man the first time they meet?

There's a guest post on the AIBU thread, at the top. People who think this is fine should read it.

I like it but I would expect some consent beforehand eg if I’d previously told them that’s what I like or if they asked me if I like it etc

[quote Xpologog]www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/sep/07/darlington-man-jailed-for-four-years-for-choking-woman-during-sex[/quote]
Jesus, four years for killing a woman, that's how disposable we are, and we're told we're holding 'extreme views' for not wanting this shit to happen.

Choking during sex is not remotely like being strangled, and if it is, your partner is abusing you. Light pressure on the neck is not strangulation and IME men are actually reluctant to do choking, it's always been me suggesting it. Maybe the men you've encountered are different.

Yes they are different - they have respect. Obviously.

Lol at choking not being like being strangled. You tell yourself that love.

Choking during sex is not remotely like being strangled, and if it is, your partner is abusing you. Light pressure on the neck is not strangulation

That is bollocks. The definition of choking is an internal obstruction, strangulation is external pressure. What people describe as choking during sex is always strangulation.

@IsThisNormalOr

Can I also add, he isn't that young (as it seems to be coming up about this being common with young guys), older than me anyway. 41.

He isn’t from the East Midlands is he? This sounds familiar.

I had to learn boundaries of iron when I first started dating again. It didn’t come easily. What happened to lots of men?

Good god of course it’s not normal. He could very easily strangle you. It’s very dangerous.

People can like what ever they like in bed, without the judgement of any pearl clutching types, but everything in bed and out should be consented to, that's the key.

NO.FUCKING.WAY