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Original poster

Choking during sex, is this normal

635 replies

IsThisNormalOr · 07/03/2022 21:15

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

OP posts:
longwayoff · 08/03/2022 06:41

Really not a deal breaker? Could have been a life-ender. How would you fancy having a little chat with him about that? Oh, hang on though . . .

Luckymummytoone · 08/03/2022 06:53

Lucky escape op! He sounds a delight! X x

StoppinBy · 08/03/2022 07:03

@longwayoff

Really not a deal breaker? Could have been a life-ender. How would you fancy having a little chat with him about that? Oh, hang on though . . .
OP didn't just ask for opinions to go with your opinion you know, she asked everyone for their OWN opinion on what they would think/do about it. Your deal breaker is not the same as everyone else's.

A few seconds isn't gonna kill anyone and it sounds more like restraint than choking if it was just for a few seconds.

I dislike choking but love being restrained.... so each to their own.

Should he have asked... yes, certainly but if he only did it for a few seconds then he possibly started then thought better of it.

LoisLane66 · 08/03/2022 07:07

Uh-oh. NO. NOOOOOO.

jeaux90 · 08/03/2022 07:11

No. He's been watching too much porn. Run.

RampantIvy · 08/03/2022 07:13

I'm totally baffled by the idea that people "enjoy" being strangled. What exactly is so "enjoyable" about the idea of thinking you might die?

CarConfession · 08/03/2022 07:20

I know someone who was killed like this. He strangled her, then left her there to die alone before turning himself into the police a few hours later. He only got a couple of years in jail because it was an ‘accident’

MNHQ
HopeMumsnet · 08/03/2022 07:28

Hi there IsThisNormalOr,
We have moved your post to Relationships, where you might get some better support (even if this ceases to be a relationship, you will might receive a more sensitive hearing from posters on there than AIBU).
We have seen quite a few goady and judgemental posts on here so will remove them now.

OnlyTheTitosaurusOfTheIceberg · 08/03/2022 07:29

@nightwakingmoon

but there should be no kink shaming

Bullshit. Some “kinks” are basically just about enjoying and normalising abuse. The whole “no kink shaming!” rubbish is purely about pressure (on women in particular) to not say “no, some things really are unacceptable and damaging, and it’s okay to push back against them being normalised”.

And as for the “sex is different for everyone” — I hate to tell you, but there are a limited number of options available, to be honest; and the vast majority of every human on Earth was conceived using one or other of them Grin

THIS. Damn right I’m going to shame kinks that fetishise sexual violence against women, or that are brought out from behind the bedroom door and force other people to act as unwilling or unknowing props in someone’s kinky fantasy. Some kinks deserve to be shamed.
CourtRand · 08/03/2022 07:45

It certainly can be, but there should always be a discussion before doing something even remotely dangerous or BDSM style during sex.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/03/2022 07:46

He did this to you when he was drunk so not capable of doing it in a safe way and without asking you first so without a care about your personal enjoyment.

He is scum. And sexually inadequate.

Glad you have blocked him

diddl · 08/03/2022 07:49

I bet he wants to see you again if he thinks he could do this again!

To me it's a worry that you ask if this is normal.

No!

To me it's something that would be talked about & agreed upon within a relationship.

Someone I know was killed in this manner.

Bizawit · 08/03/2022 07:50

@Ddot

Capital punishment by hanging, it was discovered that the body gets aroused just before death. Very romantic
Omg!!!! Seriously. Stop,
longwayoff · 08/03/2022 07:57

Hi @Stoppinby, I'll answer your odd post in a minute, I'm just taking some time to kick my dog, hard. He loves it! I don't ask him, I can tell. It's normal to kick your dog hard, lots of people do it and they all say their dogs love it too. Only a couple of them have died, the luck of the draw though innit.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 08/03/2022 08:09

Horrifying!!! And more so that quite a few on this thread enjoy it 🤦🏼‍♀️

waterlego · 08/03/2022 08:20

I couldn’t be attracted to a man who was turned on by violence against women.

LoisLane66 · 08/03/2022 08:24

How about YOU choking HIM?
We only read about men choking women. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

LoisLane66 · 08/03/2022 08:28

@warerlego

Me neither. Any kind of abuse be it verbal or physical and I would be off like a shot. Fortunately, I've only had verbal stuff and not from anyone I was in a relationship with. I laughed it off and said "Whatever" and walked away.

LoisLane66 · 08/03/2022 08:28

*waterlego

LemonMuffins · 08/03/2022 08:31

Just another voice adding to the run chorus. The fact that he'd do that to you without prior consent is a massive red flag.

It's definitely not normal first date sex (or any date sex in my house).

This is how poor Grace Millane ended up murdered. Date with a nutter who "enjoyed breath play".

HRTQueen · 08/03/2022 08:32

Oh he thought better if it after he didn’t get what reaction exactly. The op driven mad by lust

That’s kind of him how thoughtful

Sex and what happens when having sex/being intimate should always be consensual how have we got to the point of oh well he tried something a bit risky but didn’t get the reaction so stopped is ok

EarthSight · 08/03/2022 08:34

Block. Don't give him a second chance to do this.

DeadWeightLifted · 08/03/2022 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lamujere · 08/03/2022 08:43

There is a lot of talk about red flags on Mumsnet. If this isn't a red flag I don't know what is. Please don't see him again.

AlisonDonut · 08/03/2022 08:46

All the 'cool with being strangled' people, you need help.

This is not normal.

There is a reason it is one of the few red flags in domestic abuse situations.

If someone has convinced you to enjoy it, and it is all safe, and just a kink, then someone needs to work with you to unpick why it is a kink for you.