Choking during sex, is this normal

[IsThisNormalOr]

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

NO.

@ChuckBerrysBoots

I imagine he watches a lot of porn.

Agree. OP get out.

@FloraPostePosts

Definitely not. It’s a big red flag unless you’ve properly discussed and agreed it beforehand - and a sign of too much porn consumption.

Agree. It's so sad.

@thenightsky

Did you put your hands around HIS throat when you switched positions?

Good one.

Not normal but a common feature, apparently, of a lot of porn. Younger women and girls are being told that it's "normal" (along with hairless bodies and lots of other things that oldies like me go "WTF??" about)

Should never be done without prior discussion and consent. People die this way - really bad fucking idea, if you ask me.

@DillDanding

I would think something had gone very wrong in my partner’s younger life if they got their rocks off by choking me. 🤷‍♀️

AGREE.

@Lime37

I like it but no way on a first date and definitely without a prior conversation. Do not have a second date it is a massive red flag

Be very careful with this - it can lead to stroke later in life (assuming it does not go wrong).

@MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking

Porn has a fucking lot to answer for. No, it's not 'normal'. If two consenting adults want to risk permanent damage or death then that's their choice I guess.

But no, it shouldn't be normalised. It's just a kink, oh I like it, oh it's fine, it's just a few seconds, no big deal.

Strangulation is an act of violence! Bloody hell we have a generation of teens here, boys watching porn thinking he has to hit the girl, slap her hard, choke her, spit on her, degrade her, because that's what sex is. And the girls thinking that's what they have to accept because that's what sex is?

No. Like fuck is my daughter growing up thinking oh my new boyfriend must really like me cause he chokes me and hits me really hard during sex!

And grown men, who really should know better, think aha they can just spring it on whoever they sleep with, cause it's normal now right (bet some of them can't believe their luck, and some of them get away with literal murder)

These are VIOLENT acts. No fucking way should they be normalised. Called safe. Women who object basically called prudes You want to get choked, I won't stop you, I'll think you're a bloody fool nonetheless.

Good for you blocking him OP.

Well, we're now on International Womens Day. And I for one, would like not to normalise violence against women in the bedroom.

SPOT ON.

Not at all normal. You mentioned you didn't say anything at the time, was there a reason for that?

NOOOOO

@fibrecruncher

Not at all normal. You mentioned you didn't say anything at the time, was there a reason for that?

Could be shock, or being put on the spot, or sometimes delayed reaction if that makes sense

I'm pretty outspoken but there are times something has happened and at the time I haven't said anything, then later I've processed and I'm like - yeah that was off... and then I'll say something about it

Yeah as others have said

Porn OD

Some people are into that but the difference is that in a BDSM type relationship there are clear boundaries, discussions, agreements and consent. He just did it. That is not sex, that is assault.

Well it's 'normal' in that it's a fairly standard feature of internet porn, which has pretty much reframed sex from being something mutually enjoyable into men getting off on dominating and hurting women. Strangling women/women liking being strangled absolutely wasn't a 'thing when I first started having sex 30 years ago simply because internet porn didn't exist then. Glad I came of age in a time when female pleasure actually mattered, rather than having to convince myself I'm into the misogynistic bdsm fantasy of being hit, choked and fucked until he (not she) comes that passes for 'normal' nowadays.

Choking during sex is so great.

So great, that no men ever want to be choked.

Only women.

There are not enough 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 in the world for women who go along with something no self/respecting man would touch with a barge-pole.

How did you meet? Was it online dating?

OP have you watched The Fall?

Not unless it's 1) discussed and consented to first and 2) there is trust from both parties and 3) an acknowledgement that it stops immediately if either party asks. Not something that should be done 'by accident in the heat of the moment' and with a virtual stranger.

It is absolutely not normal to so this without talking about it beforehand and having complete agreement about how it will happen and how it will stop if you want it to stop.

To do this without consent is assault.

Do not have anything to do with this man again.

Pretty standard response from @1forAll74. Didn't surprise me when I clocked the name.

OP, I'm glad you've blocked this bloke, he's not one of the good ones.

‘ a slightly dizzy feeling that makes sex feel different. ’

Oh, that loss of blood to the brain thingy.
Can’t think why that might be dangerous?

Capital punishment by hanging, it was discovered that the body gets aroused just before death. Very romantic

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if it was just for a few seconds and you were pretty drunk.

It would definitely be something I would bring up though to see how he reacts to what I had to say about it.