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Original poster

Choking during sex, is this normal

635 replies

IsThisNormalOr · 07/03/2022 21:15

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 07/03/2022 23:31

That is horrific. Report him to the police.

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 23:32

@HoldingTheDoor

*That’s clearly not what happens majority of the time 😂

That makes it just fine then. So long as others get their orgasms, who gives a shit about those dead women who weren't so lucky or those left suffering brain damage or a stroke?

And another one 🙄
Smokeahontas · 07/03/2022 23:32

That is assault.

FlibbertyGiblets · 07/03/2022 23:34

I am so sorry, he is dangerous, please don't soften towards him. Keep him blocked.

HRTQueen · 07/03/2022 23:34

BeHappy the op’s boundaries were tested that’s why she asked

It

MunchyMonsters · 07/03/2022 23:34

I enjoy this OP but my DP and I have had several conversations about it and have agreed boundaries.

It's not really his thing, but he knows I enjoy it and has a firm understanding of how far to go (not very far at all).

It's a firm red flag for a sexual interlude

CatFacedGirl · 07/03/2022 23:35

Women think they like it because they've been programmed by men and porn to believe that. And you'll not convince me otherwise!

DivorcedAndDelighted · 07/03/2022 23:36

@MadForBurpees

Now I'm. REALLY going to sound old fashioned but seriously - sleeping with a man you have just met - he will think he can do what he wants. This isn't right at all. I am anti porn, anti lap dance/strip club and I don't believe that any of this bollocks "empowers" women but I do believe in the Madonna/whore complex. It's not right but it's there. I'm not defending that guy - he's scum - but please don't give yourself away.
"give yourself away" Hmm FFS No, most men having sex with a woman who has decided SHE wants to do it on the first date do not think they can do what they want. I'm guessing you don't have much personal experience of first date sex to back this up?
Ddot · 07/03/2022 23:37

I stupidly thought sex was supposed to be fun, or to make babies. Silly me

nightwakingmoon · 07/03/2022 23:37

@BeHappy91818 - so tell me, where do you stand on other “kinks” like DDLG, incest or child abuse roleplay, diaper fetishes, and so on? Are they all just totes cool as well? Any kinks you think are a bit OTT?

HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 23:38

And another one 🙄

With all these eye rolls and laughing emojis in response to the mentions if women being murdered by strangulation/choking, I almost get the impression that you don't really like or give a shit about women and their safety.

HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 23:39

I didn't know that women being murdered was so amusing. Next time I need a good laugh I'll put on a snuff film then. That should do it.

MrsEdnaWelthorpe · 07/03/2022 23:40

@BeHappy91818 yes we know, it's normal for you, you enjoy it. Look, you can enjoy what you like, no-one cares. Literally no-one. But on a thread started by someone clearly uncomfortable with what happened to her, what relevance does you thinking anything that happens during sex is fine? Obviously it wasn't fine for the OP.

Bollindger · 07/03/2022 23:46

If on a first date he tries to choke you instead of being on his best behaviour, I would run away , fast.

HRTQueen · 07/03/2022 23:47

And scat porn

Yes it’s absolutely normal to want to smear shit all over your partner. Of course has to be done in a respectful manner Hmm

I Won’t hear that this isn’t normal behaviour between a couple that have upmost respect for each other

FantasticFebruary · 08/03/2022 00:04

@givingupchocolatemonday

I don't think Mumsnet is the place to ask this question... to me it's normal! Just a 'kink' some people have. Doesn't mean he wanted to strangle and kill you. PP are very dramatic.
Jog on.

It's not normal, it's safely becoming common place amongst the young who don't know it's not normal.

It's fucking stupid & dangerous.

If your sex life is so bad you need to be choked to enjoy it, do something about it.

& stop perpetuating the myth that it's normal.

LaLaKickSticks · 08/03/2022 00:07

not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions

He’s testing the water. You didn’t object so he will do this again when you’re not expecting it, but harder and for longer. Please don’t continue this, for your own sake.

Original poster
IsThisNormalOr · 08/03/2022 00:08

Can I also add, he isn't that young (as it seems to be coming up about this being common with young guys), older than me anyway. 41.

OP posts:
Tlittle · 08/03/2022 00:10

Um it depends.I like being dominated so like occasional hand round throat no squeezing.But I actually had a fwb squeeze once and that shit me up.X

Thewiseoneincognito · 08/03/2022 00:15

Did you never watch The Fall?

That was the making of a serial killer 😳

CharlotteRose90 · 08/03/2022 00:18

Nope not unless it’s a partner and you both know your boundaries. I certainly wouldn’t expect it from a guy I’d slept with first time.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 08/03/2022 00:22

Porn has a fucking lot to answer for. No, it's not 'normal'. If two consenting adults want to risk permanent damage or death then that's their choice I guess.

But no, it shouldn't be normalised. It's just a kink, oh I like it, oh it's fine, it's just a few seconds, no big deal.

Strangulation is an act of violence! Bloody hell we have a generation of teens here, boys watching porn thinking he has to hit the girl, slap her hard, choke her, spit on her, degrade her, because that's what sex is. And the girls thinking that's what they have to accept because that's what sex is?

No. Like fuck is my daughter growing up thinking oh my new boyfriend must really like me cause he chokes me and hits me really hard during sex!

And grown men, who really should know better, think aha they can just spring it on whoever they sleep with, cause it's normal now right (bet some of them can't believe their luck, and some of them get away with literal murder)

These are VIOLENT acts. No fucking way should they be normalised. Called safe. Women who object basically called prudes Hmm You want to get choked, I won't stop you, I'll think you're a bloody fool nonetheless.

Good for you blocking him OP.

Well, we're now on International Womens Day. And I for one, would like not to normalise violence against women in the bedroom.

LaLaKickSticks · 08/03/2022 00:23

don't think Mumsnet is the place to ask this question...
to me it's normal! Just a 'kink' some people have. Doesn't mean he wanted to strangle and kill you. PP are very dramatic.

Definitely not! All the women on Mumsnet are old, conservative and totally vanilla! Except that we’re not. We are women of all ages, from all walks of life, with enough experience between us to fill a fucking canyon. We know about kink, some of us even indulge in it (who knew!)

The amount of women killed by this particular practise is insane. To do something like this to a sexual partner you haven’t discussed it with is negligent at best, abusive at worst. Men literally avoid jail with this method, claiming it to be an innocent sex game gone wrong. If it’s so innocent where are all the dead men ‘accidentally’ choked by women? Where are all the women ‘accidentally’ choked to death by their girlfriends? It’s not normal. Raise your standards. Have a safe word. Make it known that you don’t consent to your own death for your fuck buddy to have a great orgasm. Once that shit is normalised then we can talk again about ‘normal’ strangulation.

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2022 00:30

@IsThisNormalOr

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...
No!!

Run. Don't look back.

Next time he might not stop.

Don't sleep with strangers when you're drunk.

DillDanding · 08/03/2022 00:39

I would think something had gone very wrong in my partner’s younger life if they got their rocks off by choking me. 🤷‍♀️

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