OLD Plonker- Ignore or make witty comeback?

[WitheringTights2022]

Hi all,
Long time lurker on Mumsnet...so I dipped my toe in OLD (Tinder)in summer 2021. some friends had a few horror stories but I had to see for myself. Im late 20's.

Previously I had only dated guys I met in real life. I had always been a bit "icy" in the past when it came to guys ..have acted cold/disinterested as I think then they can't take the piss. Eventually this would cause some guys to become disinterested.

I decided to be more enthusiastic on OLD. Got chatting to a lot of guys, one in particular had a lot of chat with. He said he was looking for the same thing (maybe I was being gullible at taking that at face value), he asked to take me out and we were trying to figure out logistics ( he lives over two hours away)..he offered to travel to me but I was hesitant as would of preferred half way.

Anyway before we agreed a date...he completely changed and became very cocky and asked for something casual. I knocked him back and gave him a harsh response ( I can be very sharp tongued) , although some friends thought it was quite witty....and it seemed to knock some of the cockiness out of him. He changed tactic and sent a few nice messages which I ignored...this was October..then sent a New Year message....again I ignored...

Looking back on it I wasn't sure of the term at the time, but he did "neg" me when we were chatting fora while, its something I had not experienced before OLD. I told him i don't like sport and he said "well you have to exercise to look good naked"...I responded with " well, I think I look good naked"...no way was I revealing any insecurities to him.

Anyway cue today, five (yes five) messages from him, he has screen shotted my "well I think I look good naked" ...from September...( he would of had to have scrolled through soo many messages to find it)...and has asked me to "prove it '..obv I don't respond so he keeps messaging "I'm horny and hungover please help me out"

"no nothing?" " sit on my face" ...i have read them all and ignored them,....the disrespect is unbelieveable...

I don't know whether to send a really rude response back like , "well, funny how you wont offer a dick picin return, is it that small"

or " i have someones face to sit on now thanks, its been most enjoyable"

.....I feel some of these smarmy little twats need a taste of their own medicine...and yes, taking down a peg or two...His tone was just so disrespectful I want to say something equally rude back..

OR ...I don't know if ignoring him is best...He has sent me 8 messages since October which I havent replied to...ignoring his messages seems to make him message more and more.

Sooo...ignore or be childish and respond!? Thanks if you have read this long....

And does anyone else find themselves only attracted to arseholes such as this?

Ive been ignored some really nice guys who would be decent catches...I have no idea why I do that ...I think I see it as boring....

TIA.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

No matter how tempting it may be to send a witty retort, if you feed the algorithm it will send you more men who talk to women like shit.

Eugh. Block.

DOn't engage. He'll reel you back in by dialling down the smut for a short while.

Just block him. Anything else will encourage him.

Or, better, block

@Palavah

@Lurking9to5

The temptation is strong....I can be quite witty with the comebacks...

Ignore and block.

@AtrociousCircumstance - it seems to wind him up and make him more keen when I read his messages and and he gets the blue tick and I don't reply...so that's why I havent blocked.

I always also feel like blocking shows you are pissed off..whereas I don't want to give anyone that satisfaction.

Don't bother thinking like that just block him he isnt worth the headspace

Then deprive him of your comeback.

A witty comeback even if it's scathing will still be a response that strokes his ego. The only thing that ever hurts these types' egos is the indifference of not responding!

I kind of agree with regard to blocking ordinarily but he's treating you like a free phone sex chat line worker at this point.

I'd reply something along the lines of
sit on ur face??? Why is ur nose bigger then ur dick!! Think I had a lucky escape

Does anyone else find themselves attracted to arseholes like this ?

Im passing up on people who would make good husband material, (and I would like to get married at some point)...

I find safe and reliable boring for some reason which is just ridiculous...

I’d reply

‘God not you again 🤮’

You’re attracted to douchebags like this?

So: block him, find a therapist pronto!

I'd ignore unless you do actually have a very witty comeback.

[quote WitheringTights2022]@Palavah

@Lurking9to5

The temptation is strong....I can be quite witty with the comebacks...[/quote]
Me too but there are so many arseholes there that, if you're not careful, it becomes a sport.

Is it more important to make a scathing reply to someone you'll never meet and should never need to care about, or keep your sanity and perhaps meet someone nice?

@waitinforamiricle - that is very funny...and very tempting to use.

@AtrociousCircumstance - yes i am! its not good...I was thinking of some self-esteem therapy yes...I think I think along the lines of " he is speaking to me like this because Im not worth respect etc"

@Neverhot - I usually do...but like him Im suffering from a hangover today...my last series of witty comebacks seemed to put a bit of a dent in his cockiness for some time.

@Lurking9to5

Yes that's very true. It is very tempting but probably not the best idea...

I guess there is a certain dignity in silence...and if someone is truly disinterested they will disengage entirely from a conversation..

Sometimes you just have to block the pests, or say I'm no longer single, block.

Ignore

Block and delete . Don't know how it's gone this far

@iwishu - yes the " I have someones face to sit on now, its been rather enjoyable" was my version of I'm no longer single haha

@stevalnamechanger - I know me either..I think its my mindset and Im thinking ...he probably isn't a creep to other girls..its just me that gets the disrespect..no doubt the next one he will get in a relationship with...so its not that he is a dick...its Im obv not enough for respect.

Don't be ridiculous ! These people will be broadcasting out these vile messages to see if anyone will bite !

It is not you , its him

Block , delete and move on so you can use the headspace for something more valuable

Thing is, it really is very weird to send a woman who isn’t interested messages like “sit on my face”. Tell him that you don’t want him to contact you any more and, if he does, you’ll complain to the police.

Don’t send anything witty - he’ll just be encouraged

@stevalnamechanger- Thanks for the reassurance. I think working on self esteem is something I really need to do .

@CruCru - yes I know. I did tell him months ago he wasn't my type to get rid of him and have never responded to a message since. 8 texts in a row from him does seem a little excessive.

Im thinking ...he probably isn't a creep to other girls..its just me that gets the disrespect..no doubt the next one he will get in a relationship with...so its not that he is a dick...its Im obv not enough for respect.

He probably is a creep to other women. These men aren't that discriminating. You do deserve respect.

One bloke just before I blocked him, was going on about it being my loss, and I thought, it's not, though. I was single yesterday, I'm still single today, and I'm not with an arsehole, so I haven't lost anything. I did consider saying that to him, but in the end, just blocked.

There are a lot of them on OLD, and they're not worth your headspace. There are decent men out there, but there are lots more you need to sift through to get to the good ones. And the others aren't worth spending time on.