Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

OLD Plonker- Ignore or make witty comeback?

144 replies

WitheringTights2022 · 06/03/2022 22:46

Hi all,
Long time lurker on Mumsnet...so I dipped my toe in OLD (Tinder)in summer 2021. some friends had a few horror stories but I had to see for myself. Im late 20's.

Previously I had only dated guys I met in real life. I had always been a bit "icy" in the past when it came to guys ..have acted cold/disinterested as I think then they can't take the piss. Eventually this would cause some guys to become disinterested.

I decided to be more enthusiastic on OLD. Got chatting to a lot of guys, one in particular had a lot of chat with. He said he was looking for the same thing (maybe I was being gullible at taking that at face value), he asked to take me out and we were trying to figure out logistics ( he lives over two hours away)..he offered to travel to me but I was hesitant as would of preferred half way.

Anyway before we agreed a date...he completely changed and became very cocky and asked for something casual. I knocked him back and gave him a harsh response ( I can be very sharp tongued) , although some friends thought it was quite witty....and it seemed to knock some of the cockiness out of him. He changed tactic and sent a few nice messages which I ignored...this was October..then sent a New Year message....again I ignored...

Looking back on it I wasn't sure of the term at the time, but he did "neg" me when we were chatting fora while, its something I had not experienced before OLD. I told him i don't like sport and he said "well you have to exercise to look good naked"...I responded with " well, I think I look good naked"...no way was I revealing any insecurities to him.

Anyway cue today, five (yes five) messages from him, he has screen shotted my "well I think I look good naked" ...from September...( he would of had to have scrolled through soo many messages to find it)...and has asked me to "prove it '..obv I don't respond so he keeps messaging "I'm horny and hungover please help me out"

"no nothing?" " sit on my face" ...i have read them all and ignored them,....the disrespect is unbelieveable...

I don't know whether to send a really rude response back like , "well, funny how you wont offer a dick picin return, is it that small"

or " i have someones face to sit on now thanks, its been most enjoyable"

.....I feel some of these smarmy little twats need a taste of their own medicine...and yes, taking down a peg or two...His tone was just so disrespectful I want to say something equally rude back..

OR ...I don't know if ignoring him is best...He has sent me 8 messages since October which I havent replied to...ignoring his messages seems to make him message more and more.

Sooo...ignore or be childish and respond!? Thanks if you have read this long....

And does anyone else find themselves only attracted to arseholes such as this?

Ive been ignored some really nice guys who would be decent catches...I have no idea why I do that ...I think I see it as boring....

TIA.

OP posts:

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:58

*If you want a shit life, certainly go for them

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 14:00

They're fake alphas.

Have a brain and see through them.

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 14:03

I think he is more respectful to other women its just me that gets the shit as he obviously thinks I'm not a great option.

How the fk would you know how he's speaks to/what he says to all other women at all times??!!

From what he says? Like hrs going to.say "I'm an arsehole who tries it on with most women sooner or later"?!

If he's like this, he's like this. Wise up.

PearPickingPorky · 08/03/2022 16:07

he probably isn't a creep to other girls..its just me that gets the disrespect..no doubt the next one he will get in a relationship with...so its not that he is a dick...its Im obv not enough for respect.*

You've never met this man. You've never spoken to him. You have zero friends in common. You have absolutely no idea how he treats, has treated or will treat any other woman.

You've gone way way too far in your head with this totally irrelevant stranger, that you have never met or spoken to! Why are you so fixated? Had you mentally planned your life out with him because of his "interesting-sounding job" or something?

DatingDinosaur · 08/03/2022 20:55

OP, I think you’re right, He is singling YOU out for this “witty banter”. Yes, YOU, personally. And here’s why..

BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE OF THE TWENTY THREE OTHERS THAT HASN’T BLOCKED HIM.

THEY don’t really give a crap what bollocky nonsense he comes out with after months of ghosting. THEY don’t want to play silly games for the attention or care about having the last laugh “just to teach him a lesson”. You see, THEY have self respect.

Frankola · 08/03/2022 21:31

Please don't respond.

He's trying any tactic he can to get a response from you.

His mum must be so proud of him, treating women like this

Original poster

WitheringTights2022 · 09/03/2022 00:03

@PearPickingPorky - Yea I know, completely true. Massive overthink on my part. I've given my head a serious wobble and working on myself now. Lesson Learned. I have zero intention of meeting him so its all complete irrelevant nonsense.

@DatingDinosaur- Okay, I need to boost my self -esteem, self-worth. But
okay, a little harsh intimating I have no self- respect. Its self-esteem rather than self - respect.

@Frankola- i know, she must be. Funny you should say that one of his tinder pics is a photo of him and his mum?! ...First time Ive acc seen that on tinder haha.....(potentially worse than the holding large fish photos guys have)

OP posts:

Anonymousaga · 09/03/2022 08:12

Think the only update we need now is an "I've blocked him"

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 09/03/2022 09:00

@Anonymousaga

Think the only update we need now is an "I've blocked him"

Aint that the truth

AmyDudley · 09/03/2022 14:36

You are obviously enjoying this or you would have blocked him long ago. You make the excuse that 'he would think he'd got to you if you blocked him' - so what? what does it matter what he thinks? If you block him you'll never have to interact with him in any way again. This is completely stupid behaviour if you really want him to leave you alone. But you don't do you? You are continuing to interact with him by reading his messages, on some level you are enjoying the fact that he is harrassing you. Some women seem to get a kick out of guys who are rude and cocky, you are playing childish games.

Either block him or admit to yourself that you are enjoying the attention and want to continue interacting with him. He knows you read his messages, you know he knows, so you are encouraging him to continue with his stupid behaviour. Just stop it and find a grown up to have a relationship with and do some reading about manipulation and game playing in relationships, it is very toxic and can only lead to unhappiness.

Telebonn · 09/03/2022 14:39

Have you blocked him yet OP? Honestly don't bother with the game playing, he won't be bothered and he absolutely isn't thinking about you at all so don't waste your time.

Original poster

WitheringTights2022 · 09/03/2022 23:53

@Telebonn

yes! I have blocked ...now I need to begin working on myself and my self-esteem.

@AmyDudley - yes you are right he is blocked now.I read an interesting article today by a relationship coach that apparently there are no men who are "game players"- Apparently if you think a man is a game-player then its actually just that he is just not into you, as he will no doubt enter a relationship/get together with a woman in the not too distant future from being a "game -player"
So yea, I guess it's a little s**t that I got the poor treatment that another woman wont get.

I was with a friend earlier and she was reading his messages and looking at a very up close photo he sent of himself after a run...and she said "eww", (its not a great photo) and he put underneath it "maybe don't look great" so he obv thought that himself.

She said I should screenshot it to him and say "you mean sit on that weird thing eww"..."well I guess if you wore a balaclava for the act....."

and yes...it gave me a bit of a giggle...

but ...Im taking the higher ground and have blocked.

Im in the process of getting a visa for a large North American city later in the year where dating agencies are quite a big thing...so going forward I may just give the apps a wide berth and try an agency...

Anyone tried one?!?!

OP posts:

PearPickingPorky · 10/03/2022 06:47

I can't believe that you and your friend have nothing better to talk about today than some man you've never met or spoken to, sitting making snide nasty comments about him. Why was she reading his messages? You're coming across as completely obsessive and horrible with it, and your friend is horrible too.

No, don't join an agency. You have so much work to do on yourself before that would ever become a good idea. It wouldn't be fair on the men.

Lurking9to5 · 10/03/2022 07:27

I think it's true, and d3pressing, q lot of men can only treat a woman out of their league with respect, a woman they have idealised, or a woman they fearvl losing. Every other woman gets to see their Go To Shabby Modus Operandi.

So dont be sad you didnt see his best behavior. Be glad you saw who he really is.

FleurDeLizz · 10/03/2022 08:13

[quote WitheringTights2022]@Telebonn

yes! I have blocked ...now I need to begin working on myself and my self-esteem.

@AmyDudley - yes you are right he is blocked now.I read an interesting article today by a relationship coach that apparently there are no men who are "game players"- Apparently if you think a man is a game-player then its actually just that he is just not into you, as he will no doubt enter a relationship/get together with a woman in the not too distant future from being a "game -player"
So yea, I guess it's a little s**t that I got the poor treatment that another woman wont get.

She said I should screenshot it to him and say "you mean sit on that weird thing eww"..."well I guess if you wore a balaclava for the act....."

and yes...it gave me a bit of a giggle...

but ...Im taking the higher ground and have blocked.

Anyone tried one?!?![/quote]
You sound quite nasty, you and your mates all coming up with stupid put downs for a man you’ve never met.

Maybe spend some time reflecting on how you could be more genuine and improving your attitude before trying dating again.

I was my normal self on OLD and married my tinder catch a few months ago - this game playing is utterly pointless

hoadinthetole · 10/03/2022 08:19

[quote WitheringTights2022]@waitinforamiricle - that is very funny...and very tempting to use.

@AtrociousCircumstance - yes i am! its not good...I was thinking of some self-esteem therapy yes...I think I think along the lines of " he is speaking to me like this because Im not worth respect etc"

@Neverhot - I usually do...but like him Im suffering from a hangover today...my last series of witty comebacks seemed to put a bit of a dent in his cockiness for some time.[/quote]
You didn't dent his cockiness, whatever that means, he just changed tactic with you for a bit. Guaranteed he'd have still been messaging plenty of other girls with his cockiness still in tact.

You can't fix these men with a few witty comebacks, and I've no idea why you'd waste your time trying.

2Gen · 10/03/2022 13:41

[quote WitheringTights2022]@AtrociousCircumstance - it seems to wind him up and make him more keen when I read his messages and and he gets the blue tick and I don't reply...so that's why I havent blocked.

I always also feel like blocking shows you are pissed off..whereas I don't want to give anyone that satisfaction.[/quote]
Why are you giving him the satifaction of knowing you've read his messages and why are you even remotely bothered about how he would be thinking if you blocked him? You don't live near him, you don't have to work, socialise nor ever be concerned about bumping into him, so why give a toss what he thinks? The replies you've sent before may be misinterpreted by him as banter/ encouragement and he might have too big an ego to see them as the put-downs you intend them to be, so don't risk feeding his ego at all anymore! Block, delete and move on. He's just a random creep really, isn't he? Not worth another second of your time, I would think?

sammylady37 · 10/03/2022 13:54

@PearPickingPorky

No, don't join an agency. You have so much work to do on yourself before that would ever become a good idea. It wouldn't be fair on the men.

I agree with this poster. You’re engaging in a ridiculous level of thought and discussion and angst over someone you haven’t even met.

And your comebacks aren’t witty. At all.

layladomino · 10/03/2022 14:20

I know this isn't what you are asking, but I wanted to comment on the game-playing issue.

Your friend's mum told you not to let someone know if you like them - that's really bad advice. Treat prospective bf like you would treat a prospective friend. Don't play games. Be yourself. Be honest. Be approachable. Don't bend yourself to pleas them.. Don't pretend to be something you're not. Don't stick around if they treat you badly or don't seem interested. Don't stick around if they are disrespectful or don't want the same things as you.

If you act like an ice queen you could miss out on meeting someone great, because he thinks you're rude / aloof / unapproachable. Just be you.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6