Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OLD Plonker- Ignore or make witty comeback?

144 replies

WitheringTights2022 · 06/03/2022 22:46

Hi all,
Long time lurker on Mumsnet...so I dipped my toe in OLD (Tinder)in summer 2021. some friends had a few horror stories but I had to see for myself. Im late 20's.

Previously I had only dated guys I met in real life. I had always been a bit "icy" in the past when it came to guys ..have acted cold/disinterested as I think then they can't take the piss. Eventually this would cause some guys to become disinterested.

I decided to be more enthusiastic on OLD. Got chatting to a lot of guys, one in particular had a lot of chat with. He said he was looking for the same thing (maybe I was being gullible at taking that at face value), he asked to take me out and we were trying to figure out logistics ( he lives over two hours away)..he offered to travel to me but I was hesitant as would of preferred half way.

Anyway before we agreed a date...he completely changed and became very cocky and asked for something casual. I knocked him back and gave him a harsh response ( I can be very sharp tongued) , although some friends thought it was quite witty....and it seemed to knock some of the cockiness out of him. He changed tactic and sent a few nice messages which I ignored...this was October..then sent a New Year message....again I ignored...

Looking back on it I wasn't sure of the term at the time, but he did "neg" me when we were chatting fora while, its something I had not experienced before OLD. I told him i don't like sport and he said "well you have to exercise to look good naked"...I responded with " well, I think I look good naked"...no way was I revealing any insecurities to him.

Anyway cue today, five (yes five) messages from him, he has screen shotted my "well I think I look good naked" ...from September...( he would of had to have scrolled through soo many messages to find it)...and has asked me to "prove it '..obv I don't respond so he keeps messaging "I'm horny and hungover please help me out"

"no nothing?" " sit on my face" ...i have read them all and ignored them,....the disrespect is unbelieveable...

I don't know whether to send a really rude response back like , "well, funny how you wont offer a dick picin return, is it that small"

or " i have someones face to sit on now thanks, its been most enjoyable"

.....I feel some of these smarmy little twats need a taste of their own medicine...and yes, taking down a peg or two...His tone was just so disrespectful I want to say something equally rude back..

OR ...I don't know if ignoring him is best...He has sent me 8 messages since October which I havent replied to...ignoring his messages seems to make him message more and more.

Sooo...ignore or be childish and respond!? Thanks if you have read this long....

And does anyone else find themselves only attracted to arseholes such as this?

Ive been ignored some really nice guys who would be decent catches...I have no idea why I do that ...I think I see it as boring....

TIA.

OP posts:
Derelicthome · 07/03/2022 00:40

Please send him one of your witty responses then report back. Then all of us who are without wit (just me) can live vicariously through you!

CognitiveDissolver · 07/03/2022 01:00

@WitheringTights2022

Does anyone else find themselves attracted to arseholes like this ?

Im passing up on people who would make good husband material, (and I would like to get married at some point)...

I find safe and reliable boring for some reason which is just ridiculous...

Personally I find it depressing even to have any contact with this type. I think their idea is that they annoy you enough to respond, and any type of response is positive in their mindset. It works very like negging.

If I was replying (which I wouldn't be as I'd have blocked him), it would only to be to say to stop messaging or I would consider it harassment worthy of reporting.

bluesberry · 07/03/2022 01:16

I did tell him months ago he wasn't my type to get rid of him and have never responded to a message since.

If you're going to send him any message at all then simply send a screenshot of the message saying he's not your type and circle it!

That will be more likely to take him down a peg or two if that's what you really want, the ones you suggested are more bantery and creepy men are not turned off by that!

bluesberry · 07/03/2022 01:21

@WitheringTights2022

Does anyone else find themselves attracted to arseholes like this ?

Im passing up on people who would make good husband material, (and I would like to get married at some point)...

I find safe and reliable boring for some reason which is just ridiculous...

You probably just get a little dopamine hit when he contacts you again, it's not a real attraction, you don't want him really, it's not real excitement and only feels good because you feel like you don't deserve respect etc. but when he contacts you it gives you a little high that at least you were worthy of thinking about at that moment in time!!!

Our brains and bodies can be so so cruel to us keeping us hooked on shit behaviour and being afraid of healthy relationships because we are not used to them!

You would definitely benefit from therapy and you really should prioritise it because you are worthy and deserve to feel good about yourself Flowers

CityHigh · 07/03/2022 01:37

like , "well, funny how you wont offer a dick picin return, is it that small" l

I definitely wouldn’t send anything like this, it could cone across like you’re asking for one. In my experience online men love sending unsolicited dick pics

Josette77 · 07/03/2022 01:45

Ignore, block, the comebacks you wrote are not witty they will be seen as flirty.

Wiredforsound · 07/03/2022 03:00

Why are you wasting brain space on this idiot. Replying to him just gives him what he wants - attention, when he has been rude and disrespectful to you. Your ‘witty’ come back read like come ons so just step away and block.

Ponchek · 07/03/2022 03:32

@Josette77

Ignore, block, the comebacks you wrote are not witty they will be seen as flirty.
And @Wiredforsound and @CityHigh have said the same ........ but I think you KNOW that.

I think you're bored and want to engage in the spat. Saying he probably wouldn't say this normally and is just saying it to get a rise is you kind of saying he's not really weird and vile, just joking ... because you do want to respond. You want the chat.

Go on then. And report back. So we can all enjoy his horrific replies 😂😂

  • but make sure he has no way of ever contacting you or knowing who you are in real life!!!

(and for certain he does talk like this to others)

Momijin · 07/03/2022 04:02

The thing is op, he will be sending similar messages to other women.

He's pathetic. I wouldn't find that remotely attractive. He sounds stupid and unimaginative. I don't know why you even bother. I would just block, forget him and raise your standards.

Ponchek · 07/03/2022 04:08

@Momijin

I would just block, forget him and raise your standards.

Yes this, really.

He is grim, OP.

wtfwasthatmate · 07/03/2022 04:13

Your comebacks aren't witty or sharp tongued. Ignore him and get a hobby.

PearPickingPorky · 07/03/2022 04:25

Block him. And maybe in future stop all the game playing and trying to knock your potential dates down a peg by acting icy. If you want to build a relationship with someone, treat them with respect. If you carry on as you are, you're going to end up trading insults/creepy 'come-ons' with fuss like this forever.

Monty27 · 07/03/2022 04:28

That's funny right? Shame on you. Get a life. Or a hobby.

Momijin · 07/03/2022 04:58

@PearPickingPorky

Block him. And maybe in future stop all the game playing and trying to knock your potential dates down a peg by acting icy. If you want to build a relationship with someone, treat them with respect. If you carry on as you are, you're going to end up trading insults/creepy 'come-ons' with fuss like this forever.
This. You can't form a genuine relationship if you're game playing or acting.

Be yourself. And only be with someone who makes you happy and likes you for who you are.

It is that simple.

Tontostitis · 07/03/2022 05:52

Stop trying to be the cool girl. The cool girl gets treated like shit. None of your responses are witty or funny they are flirty and desperate. You clearly want to be better than this as you recognise that you are ignoring the nice guys and encouraging the idiots. Dig deeper into that.

DeadWeightLifted · 07/03/2022 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CousinKrispy · 07/03/2022 06:58

Yeah honestly I think both of your witty responses will be read by him as invitations to continue sending you this kind of message. His takeaway will be "She's answering and she's laughing about how she loves to sit on faces and wants dick pics! Ace!!" It's just going to normalise this shit, which is basically sexual harassment.

I agree with therapy to explore why you're attracted to this type, and how to set stronger boundaries....most of us have stuff from our past that can lead to unhealthy patterns like that, so getting to know more about it can be really helpful. Good luck!

Getoffmyshoes · 07/03/2022 07:02

I don’t get this need to be “icy” and “knock them down a peg”. How about just be a nice and respectful person and block anyone who isn’t nice and respectful to you? I think you’ll have much more success that way.

Rainbowqueeen · 07/03/2022 07:08

Just block
Otherwise he will continue to do this to other women. Show sone sisterhood.

Tulipsandviolets · 07/03/2022 07:08

Think part of you is enjoying it all having him chase you.

SweetPotatoDumpling · 07/03/2022 07:12

@Getoffmyshoes

I don’t get this need to be “icy” and “knock them down a peg”. How about just be a nice and respectful person and block anyone who isn’t nice and respectful to you? I think you’ll have much more success that way.

Exactly this...you reap what you sow 🤷‍♀️

Icemast · 07/03/2022 07:13

Block. The reality is that as he says is horny and hungover so he's no doubt messaging every women he's interacted with on there in the hope at least one will answer and provide him with some wank fodder, ew. Don't play games he won't be bothered, move on.

Icemast · 07/03/2022 07:14

Also neither of your proposed comebacks are witty, they sound immature.

FleurDeLizz · 07/03/2022 07:21

Your comebacks aren’t witty, clever or funny. Making a comment about his penis being small is particularly immature.

Think you need to have a think about why you feel the need to be ‘icy’ - you want to be chased? But you don’t want this guy chasing you - but then you say you’re attracted to men like him - but you tell him you’re not attracted to him. If you stop the game playing you might just find someone

ClaireEclair · 07/03/2022 07:26

I have no idea why you’ve written such a long post about this loser and why you’re thinking so much about him. The comebacks aren’t witty. Someone like that deserves a block and no more headspace. I hate to think of the crap he’s sending other girls because he clearly thinks this sh** works.