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Original poster

OLD Plonker- Ignore or make witty comeback?

144 replies

WitheringTights2022 · 06/03/2022 22:46

Hi all,
Long time lurker on Mumsnet...so I dipped my toe in OLD (Tinder)in summer 2021. some friends had a few horror stories but I had to see for myself. Im late 20's.

Previously I had only dated guys I met in real life. I had always been a bit "icy" in the past when it came to guys ..have acted cold/disinterested as I think then they can't take the piss. Eventually this would cause some guys to become disinterested.

I decided to be more enthusiastic on OLD. Got chatting to a lot of guys, one in particular had a lot of chat with. He said he was looking for the same thing (maybe I was being gullible at taking that at face value), he asked to take me out and we were trying to figure out logistics ( he lives over two hours away)..he offered to travel to me but I was hesitant as would of preferred half way.

Anyway before we agreed a date...he completely changed and became very cocky and asked for something casual. I knocked him back and gave him a harsh response ( I can be very sharp tongued) , although some friends thought it was quite witty....and it seemed to knock some of the cockiness out of him. He changed tactic and sent a few nice messages which I ignored...this was October..then sent a New Year message....again I ignored...

Looking back on it I wasn't sure of the term at the time, but he did "neg" me when we were chatting fora while, its something I had not experienced before OLD. I told him i don't like sport and he said "well you have to exercise to look good naked"...I responded with " well, I think I look good naked"...no way was I revealing any insecurities to him.

Anyway cue today, five (yes five) messages from him, he has screen shotted my "well I think I look good naked" ...from September...( he would of had to have scrolled through soo many messages to find it)...and has asked me to "prove it '..obv I don't respond so he keeps messaging "I'm horny and hungover please help me out"

"no nothing?" " sit on my face" ...i have read them all and ignored them,....the disrespect is unbelieveable...

I don't know whether to send a really rude response back like , "well, funny how you wont offer a dick picin return, is it that small"

or " i have someones face to sit on now thanks, its been most enjoyable"

.....I feel some of these smarmy little twats need a taste of their own medicine...and yes, taking down a peg or two...His tone was just so disrespectful I want to say something equally rude back..

OR ...I don't know if ignoring him is best...He has sent me 8 messages since October which I havent replied to...ignoring his messages seems to make him message more and more.

Sooo...ignore or be childish and respond!? Thanks if you have read this long....

And does anyone else find themselves only attracted to arseholes such as this?

Ive been ignored some really nice guys who would be decent catches...I have no idea why I do that ...I think I see it as boring....

TIA.

OP posts:
shinynewapple22 · 07/03/2022 16:58

Don't waste your effort on him. Seriously he is not worth the effort of a MN thread . Ignore , delete , block. Be thankful you didn't waste any time actually meeting him .

CatFacedGirl · 07/03/2022 17:03

You sound very young

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 07/03/2022 17:04

[quote WitheringTights2022]@Ihopeyourcakeisshit -

He has sent me a total of 8 messages in a row. Some PP have said it’s harassment, so I was going to just say stop harassing me in order to get him to finally stop messaging.

@Auntieobem - I know he is an arse. It just feels like shit that he was so rude and disrespectful towards me and was deliberately trying to wind me up….I always get the shitty bloody treatment..So I wanted to say a
something not nice back.[/quote]
Just block him then Hmm
Christ how hard is it to understand.

PinotPony · 07/03/2022 18:26

@CatFacedGirl

You sound very young
I agree. It's all very attention-seeking behaviour.

If you think he's an arse and you don't want to see him again, why bother with all the "witty" remarks? You shouldn't care what he thinks of you. The fact that you're placing so much emphasis on "getting one over" on him suggests that you get your sense of self-worth by what losers like him think of you. Find some self-esteem!

Just block and move on.

Original poster
WitheringTights2022 · 07/03/2022 18:52

@ThistlesAndUnicorns - You are quite right. Its cripplingly low self-esteem and self-worth.

At the moment i would say my self-esteem is cripplingly low...its an awful feeling. I had a normal/happy childhood so I don't know where it comes from.

I am considering seeing a life-coach or something but not sure if it would help. Its good that it felt empowering once you cut off toxic guys, did you find you had more success dating once you adopted this attitude?

I think I don't want to give him the satisfaction of blocking as then he knows he has gotten under your skin, whereas its better for hi m to think I've read the messages and not even taken them in.

@PinotPony - I know...I shouldn't place my self- worth on what he thinks. Deep down I know he is a plonker (hence the title haha)...I think I use witty remarks to hide my annoyance.

OP posts:
ThistlesAndUnicorns · 07/03/2022 18:59

[quote WitheringTights2022]@ThistlesAndUnicorns - You are quite right. Its cripplingly low self-esteem and self-worth.

At the moment i would say my self-esteem is cripplingly low...its an awful feeling. I had a normal/happy childhood so I don't know where it comes from.

I am considering seeing a life-coach or something but not sure if it would help. Its good that it felt empowering once you cut off toxic guys, did you find you had more success dating once you adopted this attitude?

I think I don't want to give him the satisfaction of blocking as then he knows he has gotten under your skin, whereas its better for hi m to think I've read the messages and not even taken them in.

@PinotPony - I know...I shouldn't place my self- worth on what he thinks. Deep down I know he is a plonker (hence the title haha)...I think I use witty remarks to hide my annoyance.[/quote]
Yes, it absolutely did help. Less time spent on people wasting my time and more people who respected me for having boundaries.

I think unless you feel you deserve that respect though it will still be tricky. It took me a while but I got there and you will too!

Wish you all the best and even without therapy, just blocking people like that will naturally help your self respect. Obviously still continue with therapy but this is something you can do yourself Flowers

CatFacedGirl · 07/03/2022 19:19

OP - who cares what he thinks or doesn't think? Why on earth would you waste any potentially witty ripostes on him? It doesn't matter. None of it matters. None of it will enhance your life

Honestly, whilst you moon about over this stranger - and that's what he is - you lessen your chances of just moving on and finding the man who's right for you

rookiemere · 07/03/2022 19:30

OP it strikes me that what you actually need is some rules around your OLD.
This may be a bit old fashioned but I suspect if you follow the guidelines you'll be a bit more successful in your search for a partner, than you are currently www.amazon.co.uk/Rules-Online-Dating-Capturing-Cyberspace/dp/0743451473

ThistlesAndUnicorns · 07/03/2022 19:36

I think I don't want to give him the satisfaction of blocking as then he knows he has gotten under your skin, whereas its better for hi m to think I've read the messages and not even taken them in.

He will know you've taken them in and not blocked. If you block he'll know you can;' be bothered with him because he's an idiot and he has nowhere to go from there. I understand your thinking but think it's misplaced x

mysweetlemonpie · 07/03/2022 19:44

Block!!!!!

I'm witty as fuck but I wouldn't waste a single second of my talents on that scumbag. Are you sure the negging hasn't worked on you?

Geppili · 07/03/2022 20:00

Jesus block him!

DatingDinosaur · 07/03/2022 21:36

”I think I use witty remarks to hide my annoyance.”

I think you use witty remarks to hide your insecurities.

If you must reply to him say “You only get one chance to ghost me. Bye”.

Then block him. That shows him you have self-respect and refuse to tolerate his arrogance and childish behaviour.

Anonymousaga · 07/03/2022 21:46

Your comebacks arnt witty at all, they read very childish.

Just block him.
The only thing you are showing him by not blocking, is that you still want him there hanging so you can play with him. He has an hold on you.

Show him you don't give a toss about him by hitting that block button. Have abit of dignity!

DogsAndGin · 07/03/2022 22:12

[quote WitheringTights2022]@Palavah

@Lurking9to5

The temptation is strong....I can be quite witty with the comebacks...[/quote]
You’re enjoying this opportunity he has given you to be witty/show how strong you are. Stop going back to him. You should have blocked him a long time ago if you really think he’s that disrespectful. He’s loving getting this attention and baiting you. Ignore him, he’s bad for you.

DogsAndGin · 07/03/2022 22:13

@Anonymousaga

Your comebacks arnt witty at all, they read very childish.

Just block him.
The only thing you are showing him by not blocking, is that you still want him there hanging so you can play with him. He has an hold on you.

Show him you don't give a toss about him by hitting that block button. Have abit of dignity!

100% agree!
Original poster
WitheringTights2022 · 07/03/2022 22:40

@ThistlesAndUnicorns - yea I think I thought that blocking shows I am upset and annoyed and I don't want to give him that pleasure. TBH its made me feel rotten. I think he is more respectful to other women its just me that gets the shit as he obviously thinks I'm not a great option.

@mysweetlemonpie - yup I would say the negging has probably worked yea lol ...its made me feel like crap. I was going to neg him back as it seemed to knock him back a bit when i told him he wasn't my type ..... don't know if its worth it though.

@Anonymousaga- I usually have more witty than that....yesterday I was tired and hungover.

@DogsAndGin - i haven't given him any attention.I have ignored his last 8 messages. it seems to aggravate him and makes him send more, so he is basically having a conversation with himself...obv I want to wind him up as that's what he is deliberately doing to me. it feels very personal.

OP posts:
Momijin · 07/03/2022 23:50

OP it doesn't matter what he thinks/says/does. Just block him

Sportslady44 · 08/03/2022 00:06

Why would you want to make a witty remark backchat will just keep it going. Then he will make one back and that will be back on you again
Absolutely pointless move on

PearPickingPorky · 08/03/2022 06:38

[quote WitheringTights2022]@ThistlesAndUnicorns - yea I think I thought that blocking shows I am upset and annoyed and I don't want to give him that pleasure. TBH its made me feel rotten. I think he is more respectful to other women its just me that gets the shit as he obviously thinks I'm not a great option.

@mysweetlemonpie - yup I would say the negging has probably worked yea lol ...its made me feel like crap. I was going to neg him back as it seemed to knock him back a bit when i told him he wasn't my type ..... don't know if its worth it though.

@Anonymousaga- I usually have more witty than that....yesterday I was tired and hungover.

@DogsAndGin - i haven't given him any attention.I have ignored his last 8 messages. it seems to aggravate him and makes him send more, so he is basically having a conversation with himself...obv I want to wind him up as that's what he is deliberately doing to me. it feels very personal.[/quote]
Good god woman. You haven't progressed an inch from when you started the thread; just block him and this whole inefficient saga is over.

Why haven't you done it yet? Block him!

PinotPony · 08/03/2022 09:04

Obviously I want to wind him up...

I give up! You've not listened to a word of advice on here. Come back when you've grown up.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/03/2022 13:28

Oh just block him and move on. What he thinks about that is irrelevant.

All this agonising is pointless.

PeakyBlender · 08/03/2022 13:50

@PinotPony

Obviously I want to wind him up...

I give up! You've not listened to a word of advice on here. Come back when you've grown up.

This
Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:52

he probably isn't a creep to other girls..its just me that gets the disrespect..no doubt the next one he will get in a relationship with...so its not that he is a dick...its Im obv not enough for respect.

Total fallacy.

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:54

Your wit would he wasted on a random bloke who's mainly looking to get his dick wet.

And no, I seriously doubt he doesn't act like this to other women. I'd bet a significant amount if money on it.

Tamworth123 · 08/03/2022 13:57

As for bad boy attraction ... if you a shit life, certainly for for them . Otherwise, leave them to treat other women like shit.

When you have kids especially, you need a kind, responsible, good hearted, decent, reliable partner who pulls his weight. That's one of the most important decisions you'll make in life - what kind of man you gift your reproductive capacity with (for yourself and your kids).