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Original poster

OLD Plonker- Ignore or make witty comeback?

144 replies

WitheringTights2022 · 06/03/2022 22:46

Hi all,
Long time lurker on Mumsnet...so I dipped my toe in OLD (Tinder)in summer 2021. some friends had a few horror stories but I had to see for myself. Im late 20's.

Previously I had only dated guys I met in real life. I had always been a bit "icy" in the past when it came to guys ..have acted cold/disinterested as I think then they can't take the piss. Eventually this would cause some guys to become disinterested.

I decided to be more enthusiastic on OLD. Got chatting to a lot of guys, one in particular had a lot of chat with. He said he was looking for the same thing (maybe I was being gullible at taking that at face value), he asked to take me out and we were trying to figure out logistics ( he lives over two hours away)..he offered to travel to me but I was hesitant as would of preferred half way.

Anyway before we agreed a date...he completely changed and became very cocky and asked for something casual. I knocked him back and gave him a harsh response ( I can be very sharp tongued) , although some friends thought it was quite witty....and it seemed to knock some of the cockiness out of him. He changed tactic and sent a few nice messages which I ignored...this was October..then sent a New Year message....again I ignored...

Looking back on it I wasn't sure of the term at the time, but he did "neg" me when we were chatting fora while, its something I had not experienced before OLD. I told him i don't like sport and he said "well you have to exercise to look good naked"...I responded with " well, I think I look good naked"...no way was I revealing any insecurities to him.

Anyway cue today, five (yes five) messages from him, he has screen shotted my "well I think I look good naked" ...from September...( he would of had to have scrolled through soo many messages to find it)...and has asked me to "prove it '..obv I don't respond so he keeps messaging "I'm horny and hungover please help me out"

"no nothing?" " sit on my face" ...i have read them all and ignored them,....the disrespect is unbelieveable...

I don't know whether to send a really rude response back like , "well, funny how you wont offer a dick picin return, is it that small"

or " i have someones face to sit on now thanks, its been most enjoyable"

.....I feel some of these smarmy little twats need a taste of their own medicine...and yes, taking down a peg or two...His tone was just so disrespectful I want to say something equally rude back..

OR ...I don't know if ignoring him is best...He has sent me 8 messages since October which I havent replied to...ignoring his messages seems to make him message more and more.

Sooo...ignore or be childish and respond!? Thanks if you have read this long....

And does anyone else find themselves only attracted to arseholes such as this?

Ive been ignored some really nice guys who would be decent catches...I have no idea why I do that ...I think I see it as boring....

TIA.

OP posts:
Tulipsandviolets · 07/03/2022 07:34

Because the op is loving the attention from this creep

Erinyes · 07/03/2022 07:43

OP, I think I’d consider a therapist to talk through all this strangeness about building up an ‘icy’ persona for OLD, and being way over-invested in the sassy comebacks. Is it at some level you’re embarrassed/ ashamed of doing OLD because it’s not a matter of just being asked out, you are also admitting publicly you want a relationship, and that makes you feel disempowered?

rookiemere · 07/03/2022 07:50

Why on earth are you wasting so much time on someone you've not even met?

Granted I'm ancient, but back in my day when I met now DH I'd have a couple of online conversations, but if they didn't want to meet after that I'd move on.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 07/03/2022 08:03

I agree those aren’t witty comebacks designed to knock the wind out of someone’s sails. It’s basically just rising to the challenge of sounding like as a big a dick as he is.

dfendyr · 07/03/2022 08:06

I dont understand why you're being 'scathing' and icy?

You seem to be sending multiple mixed messages? And by this you're going to frustrate people. You say he sent a message replying to your comment about not liking sport, and he thought you needed to like sport to look good naked. Which I don't think was negging if he had not met you by then.

He then sent you nice messages, which you ignored. So by now, he knows you're a lost cause which is probably why he sent you the shitty messages

Try being a decent human and you may find someone worth liking?

PeakyBlender · 07/03/2022 08:13

Your examples aren't witty at all, they're both takes on very old jokes.

I would ignore him

Fireflygal · 07/03/2022 08:17

You attract more of what you invest your time in.

Just block him as you are wasting time and energy on this man. It's time that you can't get back and takes you further away from your goal..which is to meet and marry a non creep.

If you are cold & icy perhaps you need to look at attachment styles and check if you are open to meeting men who are secure.

AWavyLine · 07/03/2022 08:24

OP, what do you actually want to happen with this bloke? Your suggested replies aren’t cutting or witty, they’re flirty and a bit desperate.

If you want him to stop, block him. If you want him to carry on, by all means reply as you suggest. But it might be worth thinking about what you’re getting out of it and what you actually want. It sounds less as if you’re using OLD to find a relationship and more as if you’re using it to avoid one.

wingscrow · 07/03/2022 08:28

With OLD when someone sends you a dodgy/rude/unpleasant/arrogant message you block them immediately.

No need to engage them any further. First red flag and they're out...

Why would want to waste any time engaging with a loser like that?

BeHappy91818 · 07/03/2022 08:32

Just block him although you sound like you are loving the attention.

icelollycraving · 07/03/2022 08:33

I’m glad I’m not the only one to not consider your responses witty. He’s basically telling you that he needs some wank fodder, just block him.
Why are you looking to play all these stupid games?
Dating anywhere but particularly online is like interviewing. Raise your bar. Stop the game playing. Be your best version of yourself and if someone starts negging or behaving like a shit get rid. He hasn’t kept your conversation because he likes you. He probably put naked in the chat search when he was desperately wanking.
You seem to have some glee that he’s seeing two blue ticks. He’s not thinking oh why isn’t she messaging. He’s thinking that there is potential for you reading his sleazy messages. For some men, the thought of that is dirty and thrilling and they get off on how you reacted.

ImprobablePuffin · 07/03/2022 08:43

OP you are clearly quite enjoying all this. Any self respecting woman would block and forget about this dick.

You think you're being distant and icy but you're not.

BarbiesWorld · 07/03/2022 08:50

@WitheringTights2022

Does anyone else find themselves attracted to arseholes like this ?

Im passing up on people who would make good husband material, (and I would like to get married at some point)...

I find safe and reliable boring for some reason which is just ridiculous...

Been in the world of online dating since October and my "type" seems to be cocky arseholes. The type where I'm good enough for them to sleep with (or try to) but not good enough to try and get to know or take out on a real date.

Aware its a self esteem issue and stems from a myriad of trauma that I'm working on in therapy. But you're not alone.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 07/03/2022 08:54

@ImprobablePuffin

OP you are clearly quite enjoying all this. Any self respecting woman would block and forget about this dick.

You think you're being distant and icy but you're not.

This really, it's all a bit embarrassing to read tbh.
donquixotedelamancha · 07/03/2022 09:06

And does anyone else find themselves only attracted to arseholes such as this? Ive been ignored some really nice guys who would be decent catches...

Loads of women do, it's so common it's a trope. The relationship boards aren't filled with "I married a respectful, considerate guy who does 50% of the chores" yet plenty of those relationships exist.

I have no idea why I do that ...I think I see it as boring....

  • Mistaking respect for shyness and selfishness for confidence?
  • Game playing is easier and safer than actually letting someone know you?
  • Daddy didn't give enough attention as a child?
  • Not feeling you deserve a relationship with someone kind and good?
coconuthead · 07/03/2022 09:25

@Tontostitis

Stop trying to be the cool girl. The cool girl gets treated like shit. None of your responses are witty or funny they are flirty and desperate. You clearly want to be better than this as you recognise that you are ignoring the nice guys and encouraging the idiots. Dig deeper into that.
This ^

I read your 'witty' retorts and cringed as it will only be seen as encouragement. I think you like the attention though.

heyyellowyellow · 07/03/2022 09:40

Your lack of response to his messages won’t be winding him up, I doubt he even gives it a second thought beyond the moment he sends you another text. You are just words on a screen to him, he will have long forgotten there’s a real person behind them, he’ll type what he types (that’s the thrill, it’s like flashing, I think), he doesn’t really care if you reply or not. That’s why it’s better to block. Do not send any of your planned replies, they aren’t funny or clever. Block him.

rookiemere · 07/03/2022 10:01

Actually rereading this, I see the OP has been in communication with this gentleman since September.
Are you actually wanting to meet men IRL OP? It doesn't seem like it tbh. If you enjoy the online banter then best go somewhere other than a dating site.

MrsDamonSalvatore · 07/03/2022 10:27

You’re obviously enjoying the attention at some level or this wouldn’t have gone on as long as it has. Fine if you are, entirely your choice, but most people would have blocked him immediately.

Thoosa · 07/03/2022 10:31

@WitheringTights2022

Does anyone else find themselves attracted to arseholes like this ?

Im passing up on people who would make good husband material, (and I would like to get married at some point)...

I find safe and reliable boring for some reason which is just ridiculous...

That’s a much bigger problem than how to give creeps the brush off.
Derelicthome · 07/03/2022 10:40

Well I thought your responses were clever and funny and I enjoyed your post a lot more than most.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 07/03/2022 10:43

When you say witty, do you mean that 'banter' shite kids bang on about? He probably assumes that's what's going on.
Ignoring, blocking and moving on is the most mature response.

Maybe get some help for the icy thing too.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 07/03/2022 11:13

The messages are probably copy paste, rinse and repeat to a cycle of multiple girls.

HOWEVER you've probably become a challenge for him, they love a mission !

I think you like it in reality but you hold more respect then to act on it that's why you want to engage in back and forth =p. Because its the thrill of the chase for him and you know he's a nob ( I respect his honesty at being upfront about casual )

As for attraction to people like this... I had 0 interest in anybody between exh and my new partner came across like this in an online environment, wanted to meet for a casual drink blah de blah... we were both infatuated and back and forth and ended up in love by accident before we even met :L

almond123 · 07/03/2022 11:28

"And does anyone else find themselves only attracted to arseholes such as this?"

No!!! It's vile stuff from him. Said with love - if you think this is attractive in a man, I think you need to do some work.

"I've been ignored some really nice guys who would be decent catches...I have no idea why I do that ...I think I see it as boring...."

In addition to the inner work, I think you need better tactics. Your "reptilian brain" will enjoy attention from men (though hopefully not this guy). We're all human. We all like attention 🤷‍♀️. But you need to engage your "human brain" and let that rule your choices.

And that means being ruthless...

  • Anyone who is disrespectful - gone.
  • Anyone who wants casual or otherwise doesn't want a long term relationship, eg "I just wanna see where it goes" (I'm assuming that you do want an LTR?) - gone
  • Anyone whose life goals don't align with yours - gone
  • Anyone whose personality you know doesnt fit yours (eg party animal but you're a stay at home bod, or vice versa) - gone

In short, anyone who isn't who or what you want, or is aspiring to the same life path as you - gone

THE BLOCK BUTTON IS YOUR BIGGEST FRIEND. Even better, don't move men off the dating apps until you're sure of them (until AFTER you've met them). Then you can be ruthlessly disciplined and Unmatch if they're not right, and you know you can never talk to them again (ie no unblocking).

This takes some discipline. Because, believe me, your dating life will go from busy to nearly empty. But you need to think about your time and your energy. You can spend your WHOLE LIFE talking to entirely unsuitable men. You need to be talking only to suitable ones. And the energy you gain from not talking to unsuitable men can be redirected towards the rest of YOUR life and making that so much better

Remember - block / Unmatch button is your friend ❤️

Hen2018 · 07/03/2022 11:31

What a waste of your time.

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