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Original poster

Dating message - am I just being uptight?

101 replies

Shipsailor3 · 28/02/2022 21:40

It’s early days messaging a bloke on OLD and I got this one this evening. My heart sank a bit as I have a real aversion to blokes who I don’t know from Adam pushing their agenda, especially if it relates to sex.

E.g I pretty much always swipe left if they do the ‘I’m tactile’ line - in my experience it usually means they’re just out of a miserable marriage and are looking to shag anything that moves.

BUT perhaps I’m just being harsh and uptight 🤔
I’ve done a lot of OLD, without much success at all apart from one 18mth relationship (we’re still mates) and I can’t tell if I’m being too dismissive/choosy etc.

So, any thoughts on this one?

‘My kids went back last night, picking up the pieces today and getting organised. Now for my week…!

As for your two versions of hedonism, I am probably somewhere in between.

I will be the last man standing at a party until 6am. I will equally do nice stuff. Whether that means a city break or exploring a weekend of Tantra…

Like I said, probably too wild for Tinder 😉 ‘

Thoughts? Is he just shoehorning his sexual expectations in early?

He’s already mentioned being too wild a couple of times and I’m a bit 🙄. The guy is 53 ffs.

I’m tempted to go back with ‘oh wow, you’re into yoga.. so am I’ and see where that goes but that’s probably just my sense of humour.

I just feel a bit turned off I think.

OP posts:
Sundancerintherain · 28/02/2022 23:22

Nice reply op Grin

HollowTalk · 28/02/2022 23:43

Just say come on now Sting, you're married, mate.

ChickenStripper · 01/03/2022 00:52

He's early to bed - got to get that stamina for the weekend.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/03/2022 00:57

He's a massive tit. I'm cringing for him.

SisterRuth · 01/03/2022 01:06

Alan Partridge.

CousinKrispy · 01/03/2022 06:42

I just unmatched any bloke who started in on the sex talk. I'm not a prude, I just want a man to get to know me as a human being first before we start in that direction.

And I did eventually meet someone lovely!

Woodswoman · 01/03/2022 07:22

What was he replying to about ‘two versions of hedonism’ that you had said? It sounds like you were talking about sex first?

I would take the wink in the end of his comment about being too wild for tinder as meaning he was being tongue in cheek and gently taking the piss out of himself for really not being very wild at all with his city breaks.

EBearhug · 01/03/2022 07:28

Too wild for Tinder? He sounds entirely predictable for Tinder, and it's full of men like this. There are some good ones in between, though. Just hard to find at times...

You're allowed any boundaries want. Who cares if you're a bit uptight? (I don't think you are, it's just there are a lot of srx-obsessed men on Tinder.) If it's making you uncomfortable,just unmatch and move on.

HaggisBurger · 01/03/2022 07:47

That’s yuk and a bit sad. Interested to know what his come back is. Reminds me of my ex who got into sex parties and what not. Dressed it up as “decadence” which made me triple lol.

PurrBox · 01/03/2022 07:56

He's joking about the wildness- that is clear, surely

Using the words hedonism and tantra are a bit try-hard, but I think he is trying to say he's a nice person who can enjoy himself in different ways. He starts by talking about kids and needing a day to get his act together, and jokes about the rest.

Wouldn't be my cup of tea, but I think some people are completely misunderstanding his intent, which is really to be a bit self-deprecating (albeit in a kind of slightly arrogant way).

CrumpetStrumpet · 01/03/2022 07:59

He sounds unbearable.

Block any guy on OLD who starts talking about sex. They are just looking for one thing and once they get it they'll be off!

ladydimitrescu · 01/03/2022 08:04

Ermm... I think he's joking about being too wild for tinder, ie that he couldn't cope with that at all.
Think you may have jumped the gun on that one a tad 😬

MarrymeTomHardy · 01/03/2022 08:12

@Shipsailor3

Well I’ve gone back to him with this message, not sure if it hits the spot or not ( well, he certainly hasn’t 😆) ..

‘Oh gawd, my heart always sinks when a guy I don’t know from Adam attempts to shoehorn some sex reference in early doors. It’s kind of a turn off. If I’m unfairly maligning though, then say so, you might be referring to a weekend of wild yoga….’

Brilliant 👏
Anniefrenchfry · 01/03/2022 08:21

@Shipsailor3

Well I’ve gone back to him with this message, not sure if it hits the spot or not ( well, he certainly hasn’t 😆) ..

‘Oh gawd, my heart always sinks when a guy I don’t know from Adam attempts to shoehorn some sex reference in early doors. It’s kind of a turn off. If I’m unfairly maligning though, then say so, you might be referring to a weekend of wild yoga….’

So basically stayed in it then 😂
Comedycook · 01/03/2022 08:24

"wild" makes me think of either sex or drugs...or both would be my guess!

MunchyMonsters · 01/03/2022 08:41

I block all men who even reference sex in a message before I've met them.

Next.

Mermaidwaves · 01/03/2022 08:56

I think this needs reading in Alan Partridge's voice Grin

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/03/2022 09:01

What did you say about hedonism OP? I'm curious!

billy1966 · 01/03/2022 09:05

Ick.

Original poster
Shipsailor3 · 01/03/2022 09:42

Sounds pretty unanimous for most of you. Has made me feel a bit better - OLD can be such a weird place it’s easy to lose sight of yourself a bit.

PP who mentioned it being a bit try-hard is probably right. Maybe that’s a bit of a turn off in itself as well though. And if he wants to try hard, why does it have to be in a yuk way!

Hedonism…. this came up from him (surprise Grin as I’d asked him what he liked to do. His reply - all sorts, but ‘I’m a hedonist’. So my response was ah, okay, what does that mean, is that EDM and class As all night, in which case we’re not a fit, or just enjoying nice times and refusing to give up on life just cos you’re 50? So those were my 2 versions. Bit clunky but wanted to sound him out.

OP posts:
Rosiestraws · 01/03/2022 09:46

@Shipsailor3

Sounds pretty unanimous for most of you. Has made me feel a bit better - OLD can be such a weird place it’s easy to lose sight of yourself a bit.

PP who mentioned it being a bit try-hard is probably right. Maybe that’s a bit of a turn off in itself as well though. And if he wants to try hard, why does it have to be in a yuk way!

Hedonism…. this came up from him (surprise Grin as I’d asked him what he liked to do. His reply - all sorts, but ‘I’m a hedonist’. So my response was ah, okay, what does that mean, is that EDM and class As all night, in which case we’re not a fit, or just enjoying nice times and refusing to give up on life just cos you’re 50? So those were my 2 versions. Bit clunky but wanted to sound him out.

Oh God I think his mention of being a hedonist was a red flag! Get rid! I would have deleted after the mention on Tantra for sure.

Re sites to meet decent men, I agree with Bumble and also Hinge is a good one - meant to be for only men looking for relationships. They have an option to report profiles if they aren't looking for relationships (i.e. casual hook ups etc) and I've happily done that when they've got it on their profile or have said so in their messages with me!

Anniefrenchfry · 01/03/2022 09:58

Op can I ask what part of the uk yoire in? I have a bad feeling about this, I have a friend who is in a relationship for several months now with someone who he met on another app and is also on tinder, he meets women and shags them for a couple of weeks, it’s a terrible situation.

His lines are the same weekends away, Hendonism, tantric sex, he also pretends to like yoga as most of the middle aged women he meets tell him they are into it, so he can talk about it quite extensively now. However he’s a couple of years older.

Why does he do it, because he can. It’s appalling, but there you go.

Frigginintheriggin · 01/03/2022 10:27

Im thinking cocaine and viagra....
Yep, yuck 🤮

HollowTalk · 01/03/2022 15:35

I think "hedonist" here means "I do whatever I like." Take it as a warning!

SalsaLove · 01/03/2022 15:40

“Sting, is that you?”