Dating message - am I just being uptight?

[Shipsailor3]

It’s early days messaging a bloke on OLD and I got this one this evening. My heart sank a bit as I have a real aversion to blokes who I don’t know from Adam pushing their agenda, especially if it relates to sex.

E.g I pretty much always swipe left if they do the ‘I’m tactile’ line - in my experience it usually means they’re just out of a miserable marriage and are looking to shag anything that moves.

BUT perhaps I’m just being harsh and uptight 🤔
I’ve done a lot of OLD, without much success at all apart from one 18mth relationship (we’re still mates) and I can’t tell if I’m being too dismissive/choosy etc.

So, any thoughts on this one?

‘My kids went back last night, picking up the pieces today and getting organised. Now for my week…!

As for your two versions of hedonism, I am probably somewhere in between.

I will be the last man standing at a party until 6am. I will equally do nice stuff. Whether that means a city break or exploring a weekend of Tantra…

Like I said, probably too wild for Tinder 😉 ‘

Thoughts? Is he just shoehorning his sexual expectations in early?

He’s already mentioned being too wild a couple of times and I’m a bit 🙄. The guy is 53 ffs.

I’m tempted to go back with ‘oh wow, you’re into yoga.. so am I’ and see where that goes but that’s probably just my sense of humour.

I just feel a bit turned off I think.

@Shipsailor3

Sounds pretty unanimous for most of you. Has made me feel a bit better - OLD can be such a weird place it’s easy to lose sight of yourself a bit.

PP who mentioned it being a bit try-hard is probably right. Maybe that’s a bit of a turn off in itself as well though. And if he wants to try hard, why does it have to be in a yuk way!

Hedonism…. this came up from him (surprise as I’d asked him what he liked to do. His reply - all sorts, but ‘I’m a hedonist’. So my response was ah, okay, what does that mean, is that EDM and class As all night, in which case we’re not a fit, or just enjoying nice times and refusing to give up on life just cos you’re 50? So those were my 2 versions. Bit clunky but wanted to sound him out.

Your messages all sound great. Funny and inviting a proper conversation. You definitely deserve better than Mr Tantra bollocks.

They’re sex people, Lynn!

Too wild for tinder? Hes a supermarket dom isnt he

supermarket dom

😂

In my experience men who say they are into tantra are not very good in bed, and don't even last very long - not that you'd want them to anyway

Some hilarious responses here. You lot are way better at this than me!

A man of 53 talking about being "wild" and hedonistic is just a bit pathetic unless the setting and appearance are spot on.

The last man I met who described himself as a hedonist did it very depreceatingly in person in a chalet in the French Alps. He was also in his thirties and a fit athlete. And it was still just a little bit of a turn off.

There maybe are a few women out there who will find this sort of talk in men of 53 (and presumably not looking like George Clooney or Antonio Banderas) enticing but they must be fairly rare!

I can safely say he doesn’t look like Antonio Banderas or GC

I can’t think of any women I know who’d describe themselves as hedonists either. Maybe some wild spirits in their 20s, but a woman of 53? Unlikely.

Hedonist - he's just an old shagger.

oh GAWD! I met a guy who claimed tantra/hedonist... turned out to be a chunky taxi driver, quite funny, but I wouldnt say he was a hedonist in any way at all. Tantra, well he knew a few things, but nothing earth shattering.

Until I read this thread, I had forgotten all about him. Not been OLD for a few years now, but had a look on a friends profile recently and the same old faces are still lingering!

Ah fucking hell... he's not wild, he's boring as fuck
And he's not a hedonist either.
He's just some 53 year old who thinks he's God's gift to women.
Awful.
He's the online dating equivalent of those people you might have the misfortune to work with or meet at a hobby group who announce "I'm mad, me"
Nope - you aren't. You are boring.

During a conversation with some bloke at work, he referred to himself rather self-importantly as a "libertarian hedonist".

All I heard was "I'm married but feel entitled to shag anything that'll accept my anaemic pork sausage because I'm oh-so-interesting."

Ew. Hanging around to hear the response OP...

@Kingharoldshairstyle

Bin, he’s prob a middle aged drunk and he’s making it clear this is for a shag only. If you just want a shag fair enough, but if not, then block and delete.

Can middle aged drunks manage a shag?

That's not a dating message and he's shown you exactly who he is. Block and move on.

Can middle aged drunks manage a shag?

Yes we can

This type of thread always makes me want to get back on OLD just for a good laugh. Of course that would be very wrong of me because I've no interest in a relationship but I could do with a good laugh.
I had a FWB who was 50 when we first started out. I was 38 and needed my head feeling rather than my tits but we had amazing sex even when he was pissed. He was a fwb for about 3 years.
OP the tantric hedonistic crap would make me want to run although I'd probably message still to maximise the laughs and see what other gems he comes out with.

eeewww that would just give me the ick to be honest. Too wild and and a weekend of tantra probably means he has ed so only foreplay and no piv action at all. Your message was great. Am 53 soon but never once did online dating as I could not be arsed with all the crap would be seeing on there and men standing with their bikes in cycling gear or else with pints and shirts off yuk. Staying single as I swear men are getting worse or maybe we have higher expectations and not putting up with bullcrap anymore. Keep us updated

haha Penny loved your comment.

@PonyPatter44

Can middle aged drunks manage a shag?

Yes we can

Good on you👏😂

Haha, anaemic pork sausage

If I wasn’t out off already, that might just do it.

Oh thank you everyone, I needed the humour to clear my head and inject some normality into the situation. Honestly, it’s all so disappointing but I do feel better about it.

STILL no response!!!

*put off

@Shipsailor3

Haha, anaemic pork sausage

If I wasn’t out off already, that might just do it.

Oh thank you everyone, I needed the humour to clear my head and inject some normality into the situation. Honestly, it’s all so disappointing but I do feel better about it.

STILL no response!!!

In my experience, wannabee hedonists take themselves very seriously and don't respond well to even mild sarcasm!

Hahaha.

Whether that means a city break or exploring a weekend of Tantra

He had to fit that last one in, didn't he? XD What he means is mainly the sex bit, and I highly doubt that most men know anything about Tantra, other than very, very generic things they've picked up from magazines or such. He thinks it makes him sound soulful and considerate. He thinks it's what women want to hear.

Like I said, probably too wild for Tinder

Too wild for Tinder? Again, I'm laughing here. Gosh, he does have a high opinion of himself. Does he also wear sunglasses when it's unnecessary because they look good? It reminds me of those people who go 'Oh I'm MAD me!!! That perception of him is probably an important part of his identity, but it might not be the truth. You might be talking to someone who in reality likes his pipe & slippers but doesn't want to admit that to himself because he still wants to be 20 years old.

Forgot to add - these things aren't necessarily deal breakers are they? You could just go on a date and see what he's like in person. I'm not that experienced with these things so maybe it's best to listen to other posters on here.

@SalsaLove

“Sting, is that you?”

@SalsaLove That's exactly what I thought XD

@SisterRuth

Alan Partridge.

@SisterRuth Didn't think of him, but yes.