Dating message - am I just being uptight?

[Shipsailor3]

It’s early days messaging a bloke on OLD and I got this one this evening. My heart sank a bit as I have a real aversion to blokes who I don’t know from Adam pushing their agenda, especially if it relates to sex.

E.g I pretty much always swipe left if they do the ‘I’m tactile’ line - in my experience it usually means they’re just out of a miserable marriage and are looking to shag anything that moves.

BUT perhaps I’m just being harsh and uptight 🤔
I’ve done a lot of OLD, without much success at all apart from one 18mth relationship (we’re still mates) and I can’t tell if I’m being too dismissive/choosy etc.

So, any thoughts on this one?

‘My kids went back last night, picking up the pieces today and getting organised. Now for my week…!

As for your two versions of hedonism, I am probably somewhere in between.

I will be the last man standing at a party until 6am. I will equally do nice stuff. Whether that means a city break or exploring a weekend of Tantra…

Like I said, probably too wild for Tinder 😉 ‘

Thoughts? Is he just shoehorning his sexual expectations in early?

He’s already mentioned being too wild a couple of times and I’m a bit 🙄. The guy is 53 ffs.

I’m tempted to go back with ‘oh wow, you’re into yoga.. so am I’ and see where that goes but that’s probably just my sense of humour.

I just feel a bit turned off I think.

@EarthSight If a man is shoehorning in sexual references early on, with zero encouragement, it’s generally a sign that one should back away.

Either he is a disrespectful sex pest or he just genuinely doesn't know how to behave appropriately. The latter might be excusable in an 18 year old, if if he can’t comport himself like a non-twat at 53, it’s probably never going to happen. And it’s much easier (and safer) to realise this now than when she’s in his physical presence.

How do people navigate sexual needs and preferences early on before anyone gets too attached? @MeSanniesareBrannies . If someone expects sex multiple times a day, or pretty much never wants it, I would rather know early on and not waste both our times. A lot of people seem to only have these kinds of conversations after they've had sex a few times, and then when it becomes obvious what the differences are, it just makes it hurt more to break up when that could have been avoided right at the beginning.

@EarthSight I have never been in a situation that required anyone to inform another human being about how often they expect sex, prior to meeting. Literally never. Nor have most people, I expect. And we manage to have the necessary conversations and form relationships, most of which are pretty good (they just don’t get posted about on here).

On the other hand, there’s a lid for every pot. While the majority of us would find this sort of thing distasteful, you’re perfectly within your rights not to mind it. And, someone who doesn’t mind overtly sexual chat would be a perfect match for this chap. So, perhaps there’s someone out there for him.

He sounds like a wild one indeed.

His time likely spend sat on the sofa or at the pub.

@Shipsailor3

Haha, anaemic pork sausage

If I wasn’t out off already, that might just do it.

Oh thank you everyone, I needed the humour to clear my head and inject some normality into the situation. Honestly, it’s all so disappointing but I do feel better about it.

STILL no response!!!

Too busy out being hedonistic* on a rainy Tuesday night I shouldn’t wonder ….

having a wnk in front an old Top Gear rerun

@EarthSight

Forgot to add - these things aren't necessarily deal breakers are they? You could just go on a date and see what he's like in person. I'm not that experienced with these things so maybe it's best to listen to other posters on here.

I wouldn't, because talking inappropriately about sex with strangers is such a red flag of disrespecting normal human boundaries.

There seems to be such a high proportion of these men on online dating sites that you have to assume that they are generally very unsuccessful in their endeavours, or they shag and dump. Or alternatively, they get off on making women feel uncomfortable by talking about sex. None of these are appealing at all.

I don't think "going on a date and seeing what he's like in person" is a great idea either, if you are uncomfortable with what he says to you and require to reduce your boundaries. Its also an unpleasant waste of time. And these men don't usually do dates, or at least not dates which end happily with going your separate ways at the end of the date. These mens' idea of a "date" tends to be either you going round to the house of a total stranger or they coming round to yours.

How could you even have a relationships with someone like this, knowing that they talk about sex a few messages in with women they don't know?

How could you even have a relationships with someone like this, knowing that they talk about sex a few messages in with women they don't know?

You might just want sex.

So, there has been a response …!
Not sure if it’s taken him all that time to come up with it or if he was letting me down gently with the no reply thing. But either way, I think it’s the end of the chapter :)

‘My heart always sinks when somebody who doesn’t know me from Adam judges me…

I am a pretty emotionally evolved human and yes, sensuality and sexuality is one of my interests, tantric or otherwise.

We are definitely not in the same space. Best of luck…’

@Shipsailor3

So, there has been a response …! Not sure if it’s taken him all that time to come up with it or if he was letting me down gently with the no reply thing. But either way, I think it’s the end of the chapter :)

‘My heart always sinks when somebody who doesn’t know me from Adam judges me…

I am a pretty emotionally evolved human and yes, sensuality and sexuality is one of my interests, tantric or otherwise.

We are definitely not in the same space. Best of luck…’

He sounds like a complete bore, you've dodged a bullet there!

“Emotionally evolved” 😳 you dodged a bullet!

Eugh!
Reminds me of a sleazy fucker i rejected online. He was "sensual" and he was really forcing that quickly on to strangers online and presenting himself as conscious and healed etc.. any pushback was from repressed unconscious people 🙈🤣

@EBearhug

How could you even have a relationships with someone like this, knowing that they talk about sex a few messages in with women they don't know?

You might just want sex.

I don't really get that impression about the OP so goodness knows why a stranger on online dating would. Its a pretty niche subset who want that, although I suppose men online would like us to think otherwise.

He sounds only "emotionally evolved" with himself OP, and not with other human's typical behaviours. I wonder how successful he is in exploring his interests in "sensuality and sexuality" given that he is touting his abilities in the opening lines of conversations.

Id have taken it as a joke?

Ps, and the sleazy fucker who told me i was repr3ssed, he was coming to my town to give "hug therapy" on the beach. He had arranged it himself through meetme 😵

Sounds like he doesn’t see much of his children, or think about them when they’re not with him.

Oh, just read his wanky reply.

He's just another old eejit trying to sound cool and interesting. I was sniggering by 'last man standing at a party at 6am'. Snoring in the armchair in front of QI by 8pm more likely.

What a wanker.
Good riddance.

Oh bless his little cotton socks. Sounds like you touched a nerve …

I didn't realise a key component of being Emotionally enveloped was being happy to chat sex with strangers on OLD.

What a dick

Evolved even...

Mr Emotionally Evolved doesn’t seem to be able to cope with the gentlest of criticism.

What a (tantric) wanker

He just wanted sex rather than having to pay for it. You said no, he’s out. No biggie.

Ick.

See ya!