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Original poster

OLD grads thread 1

617 replies

BelladiMamma · 21/02/2022 10:33

Thought I'd kick this off

Yeah yeah I know I said I wanted less screen time ...

Feel free to get chatting and sharing our tales of life on and off the apps

OP posts:
Badbaddog · 22/03/2022 17:23

I don’t know if my experience helps as my life now is quite quiet (thanks XH for that scary rollercoaster 30 years!) Also my DC were a bit older than yours when XH went on his way. I guess from that point, to develop/rediscover myself I openly embraced new things that would also involve them as young adults - rediscovering comedy and music, buying a puppy, supporting our local football team, planning and executing excellent trips together, having great parties. The stuff I knew would bore them rigid or embarrass them - gardening, FWBs then Mr B, going to the gym, making new friends - I kept on the downlow: not hidden as such from the DC or anyone else, but really just for me. While these things did not appear to be top of my list, actually in many they were, as they were uncharted waters.

So nothing dramatic, no sudden moves, zero drama, but my life now is ordered and happy, and I am ‘me’ again.

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 22/03/2022 18:00

@Badbaddog

I don’t know if my experience helps as my life now is quite quiet (thanks XH for that scary rollercoaster 30 years!) Also my DC were a bit older than yours when XH went on his way. I guess from that point, to develop/rediscover myself I openly embraced new things that would also involve them as young adults - rediscovering comedy and music, buying a puppy, supporting our local football team, planning and executing excellent trips together, having great parties. The stuff I knew would bore them rigid or embarrass them - gardening, FWBs then Mr B, going to the gym, making new friends - I kept on the downlow: not hidden as such from the DC or anyone else, but really just for me. While these things did not appear to be top of my list, actually in many they were, as they were uncharted waters.

So nothing dramatic, no sudden moves, zero drama, but my life now is ordered and happy, and I am ‘me’ again.

My first years of single life went: sudden and close bereavement, lockdown, one twattish cocklodger they met because he was doing the garden, lots of hobbies they knew about. Some we did together some we didn't. I've always had an active social life so it was shifting away from couples and to friends in more relevant situations. Obviously during lockdown sometimes socialising was family and friends zoom nights etc. We watched a lot of films together in that time! Dating when possible, some short term flings, nothing they knew about. Lots and lots of talking about our hopes and dreams. Successfully launching one to uni, supporting another through many an issue and I feel we are on the other side now. A lovely short term fling they knew about but I kept it all out of the house and didn't share much beyond 'me and MrA are going out tonight guess who we met (kept bumping into celebs and they loved to hear the gossip)'. Now MrD who I met when I was feeling happy, attractive, content and loving my life. He's enhanced my life so he's getting let in little by little and so far so good. I have a family therapist who I lean on for advice and am now getting therapy for my cptsd (recent accident and a kidnapping incident when I was 19). I feel like I'm in a good place and I'm brave enough to contemplate a future with someone. It's fun and scary and I know I can hit the pause button whenever I need to with MrD, so it feels safe too.
OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 22/03/2022 18:01

@Badbaddog

I don’t know if my experience helps as my life now is quite quiet (thanks XH for that scary rollercoaster 30 years!) Also my DC were a bit older than yours when XH went on his way. I guess from that point, to develop/rediscover myself I openly embraced new things that would also involve them as young adults - rediscovering comedy and music, buying a puppy, supporting our local football team, planning and executing excellent trips together, having great parties. The stuff I knew would bore them rigid or embarrass them - gardening, FWBs then Mr B, going to the gym, making new friends - I kept on the downlow: not hidden as such from the DC or anyone else, but really just for me. While these things did not appear to be top of my list, actually in many they were, as they were uncharted waters.

So nothing dramatic, no sudden moves, zero drama, but my life now is ordered and happy, and I am ‘me’ again.

All experience helps. It's really helpful ♥️ so thank you for sharing
OP posts:
Notcoolmum · 23/03/2022 10:16

I'm envious of those of you whose teenagers socialise with them. I really struggle to engage mine. I worry about my youngest sat on their PC all the time but any suggestions I have are nayed. My eldest is busy living their own life and I don't fit into it!

Badbaddog · 23/03/2022 10:36

To some extent I bribed mine @Notcoolmum by making it clear that if they would come out and play with me, I would pay! I don’t know, they’re a tight-fisted bunch so that approach seemed to work… Now they’re older we use the Splitwise app to share costs on a trip, but I still pay for travel and accommodation. Some would call me a mug, but I get what I want so who cares?

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 24/03/2022 17:39

I bribe them too, where we have crossover in interests I'll organise something. Same with trips. Sadly the 'shall we go to pizza express Friday' suggestions just don't cut it anymore 😁

OP posts:
Badbaddog · 24/03/2022 17:46

I’ll come with you to Pizza express @BelladiMamma, I bloody love it!

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 24/03/2022 19:53

@Badbaddog

I’ll come with you to Pizza express *@BelladiMamma*, I bloody love it!
Nice and simple Friday night meal with a glass of Italian red wine ... bliss 🥰 🍷
OP posts:
Eesha · 25/03/2022 06:43

Fell of the thread again! placemarking!

ButterflyOfShay · 25/03/2022 07:01

I’ll join in the Pizza Express soirée 😬😬 🍷

ButterflyOfShay · 25/03/2022 07:01

@Badbaddog

I don’t know if my experience helps as my life now is quite quiet (thanks XH for that scary rollercoaster 30 years!) Also my DC were a bit older than yours when XH went on his way. I guess from that point, to develop/rediscover myself I openly embraced new things that would also involve them as young adults - rediscovering comedy and music, buying a puppy, supporting our local football team, planning and executing excellent trips together, having great parties. The stuff I knew would bore them rigid or embarrass them - gardening, FWBs then Mr B, going to the gym, making new friends - I kept on the downlow: not hidden as such from the DC or anyone else, but really just for me. While these things did not appear to be top of my list, actually in many they were, as they were uncharted waters.

So nothing dramatic, no sudden moves, zero drama, but my life now is ordered and happy, and I am ‘me’ again.

What a great Mamma 💓
bathsh3ba · 25/03/2022 07:24

Can I join? 5, almost 6 months in with boyfriend I met on OLD. Have had some blips but I feel I can trust that we will navigate problems and not either ignore or blow up at them as happened with my ex-H. I'm still not really used to being treated right but am very happy. He's not perfect but noone is, certainly not me, but I think all the components that really matter are there. I was single 7 years before I met him if that brings hope to anyone.

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 25/03/2022 08:08

Hi @bathsh3ba and welcome 🤗

Welcome back @Eesha and hiii @ButterflyOfShay maybe this should be our next meet up, pizza express😁. I love the one original one by the British museum, I think I first went there in 1980 🤪 with my lovely DSM number 1 (number 2 was a total b1tch but less said about her the better!)

OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 25/03/2022 08:11

My little update is that both myself and MrD are Covid positive, we fell ill around the same time although I think it's because I had a couple of medical appointments.

I saw him Monday and he's coming over today. All still going well. Like @bathsh3ba its interesting to be in a relationship where you're treated well. Although it's a two way thing, we are very careful and respectful of each other. As well as having a LOT of fun together. We can be on the phone just talking nonsense and making each other laugh for hours. It's lovely.

@bathsh3ba how quickly did you both become exclusive and do you live near each other? Are there any DC either side?

Would love to know more about your experience! 🥰

OP posts:
ButterflyOfShay · 25/03/2022 08:12

@BelladiMamma it’s a date 😁🍕🍷🥰 x

ButterflyOfShay · 25/03/2022 08:13

Sorry you’re poorly Bella 🥺 so many people I know have covid at the minute!! Hope it passes quickly xxxx

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 25/03/2022 08:22

Yay 😁 would be lovely to finally get together 🤗

It's my brother's anniversary today and I can't tell you how different I feel about things. It was like I had to get everything out of the way - he died, I divorced, had some shockingly bad and also dangerous relationships- now I'm in my little boat with the navigation all sorted, my skipper skills are up to date and Life Is Good.

Thanks Threadie's for all your support over the last few months!

OP posts:
Badbaddog · 25/03/2022 08:22

Yes, I sometimes think Pizza Express is my happiest, most enduring relationship, I started going in I think 1981 and I’ve never had a bad meal there 😊. I’ve even eaten at the famous Woking one 😂.

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 25/03/2022 08:52

@Badbaddog

Yes, I sometimes think Pizza Express is my happiest, most enduring relationship, I started going in I think 1981 and I’ve never had a bad meal there 😊. I’ve even eaten at the famous Woking one 😂.
🤣🤣🤣
OP posts:
ButterflyOfShay · 25/03/2022 08:54

@BelladiMamma

Yay 😁 would be lovely to finally get together 🤗

It's my brother's anniversary today and I can't tell you how different I feel about things. It was like I had to get everything out of the way - he died, I divorced, had some shockingly bad and also dangerous relationships- now I'm in my little boat with the navigation all sorted, my skipper skills are up to date and Life Is Good.

Thanks Threadie's for all your support over the last few months!

Flowers for the anniversary of your brother 💔

I actually forget we haven't met yet!!! X

ButterflyOfShay · 25/03/2022 08:56

@Badbaddog

Yes, I sometimes think Pizza Express is my happiest, most enduring relationship, I started going in I think 1981 and I’ve never had a bad meal there 😊. I’ve even eaten at the famous Woking one 😂.
We all need a Mr PE in our lives!! Wining and dining us in every town in England and abroad 😍😍 he’s a bit of a feeder though!!
Badbaddog · 25/03/2022 09:24

Mmmm but we work it off in the bedroom afterwards 😂

ButterflyOfShay · 25/03/2022 18:12

True true @Badbaddog 😅 extra doughballs on the side then 😬😬

bathsh3ba · 26/03/2022 17:40

@ButterflyOfShay we became exclusive officially after about a month but he was clear after date 1 that he was suspending his account. We have both deleted our accounts now.

We live about 40 mins from each other, I have 2 teenage daughters and he has a younger son.

Eesha · 28/03/2022 13:41

placemarking again