45 year old DH liking 24 year old girl Instagram pictures

[Anonkatemummyof2]

The title says it all really, me and DH don’t really use Instagram a lot ‘well that’s what I thought’ I was scrolling through his followings last night when I came across a pretty young girl, so out of curiosity I had a look at her profile and pretty much all of her pictures DH has liked them? I thought it was just a random following at first until I found out this girl works at DH workplace ‘A work ID badge around her neck” gave it away, I looked at her followings and she is following DH and has also liked a few of his pictures. Should I be concerned or am I overacting? Him being 45 and liking a 24 year olds picture has made me feel a little bit sick. I can’t do any further digging as I don’t have access to any of his socials. I should add that most of her pictures are quite revealing. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I know it’s ridiculous but I’m writing this at 4:05 as I can’t sleep, it’s been on my mind ever since

I am 45 and if I liked one or 2 24yr olds instagram posts I would not consider myself a perv and I have a 20 year old son. It's the fact it's a work person that makes it uncomfortable. A 24yr old is not a 14yr old for gods sake.

*Influence in the workplace for her career
Money, gifts, sugar daddy type role
The ego boost of having someone desperate for her attention that she can control
The power trip of "stealing" someone from wife/family

I'm not saying any of these apply to this particular young woman but I have seen similar situations for all of the above. None of them ended well.

Be wary.*

There are also rather ordinary reasons; (some).young men might tend to see older women as milfs, cougers etc and fairly game for casual, sexual relationships, but nor commonly for "real" relationships. Women don't tend to ge so "ageist" re potential partners, and may consider up to 40s as potential relationship material. This is also facilitated by the fact they could have kids with them later (not anywhere near so feasible with older women).
So saying a uoung woman wouldn't be interested in a (real) relationship with a man in eg mid 40s (esp if he's a decent looking mid 40s) is a fallacy. Some young women would be.

The (apparent) maturity and experience and seniority is also a plus point.

Added to that, that the older men appear to be more settled , with more assets because they're further up the ladder, career wise, housing wise etc (young women can be naive about the fact that that's in part due to his partner's labour, whether outside or inside the home, and naive about whether he'll after a split, though let's face it, a lot of men are better off after a split than their exes) ...... it's amazing (horrifying) how many think his wife is a parasitic appendage who'll conveniently bugger off on divorce and then resend her having a penny of child support).

In short; it's unrealistic to think 20s women are not interested in relationships with 40s men; if theyre reasonably attractive, they could well be. And they may not realise the age gap issues until well into a relationship.

Some men are so stupid that they’d like every photo a 24 year old colleague posted, not realising what it made them look like.

But, I don’t believe most men are that idiotic. Men are aware what makes them look creepy.

The only other reason you’d like so many pictures is if you’re involved somehow. Extremely friendly or romantic.

So either, the husband is a rather stupid but authentic creep.

Or he’s formed some sort of very friendly/romantic relationship with the girl.

*resent

@DoleWhipFloat

Some men are so stupid that they’d like every photo a 24 year old colleague posted, not realising what it made them look like.

But, I don’t believe most men are that idiotic. Men are aware what makes them look creepy.

The only other reason you’d like so many pictures is if you’re involved somehow. Extremely friendly or romantic.

So either, the husband is a rather stupid but authentic creep.

Or he’s formed some sort of very friendly/romantic relationship with the girl.

Or he, like many people in the non MN universe, doesn’t think that liking photos of his colleague ‘makes him look like’ anything.

Just to toss another option out there.

Definitely creepy. What a fool.

@Tamworth123

*Influence in the workplace for her career Money, gifts, sugar daddy type role The ego boost of having someone desperate for her attention that she can control The power trip of "stealing" someone from wife/family

I'm not saying any of these apply to this particular young woman but I have seen similar situations for all of the above. None of them ended well.

Be wary.*

There are also rather ordinary reasons; (some).young men might tend to see older women as milfs, cougers etc and fairly game for casual, sexual relationships, but nor commonly for "real" relationships. Women don't tend to ge so "ageist" re potential partners, and may consider up to 40s as potential relationship material. This is also facilitated by the fact they could have kids with them later (not anywhere near so feasible with older women).
So saying a uoung woman wouldn't be interested in a (real) relationship with a man in eg mid 40s (esp if he's a decent looking mid 40s) is a fallacy. Some young women would be.

The (apparent) maturity and experience and seniority is also a plus point.

Added to that, that the older men appear to be more settled , with more assets because they're further up the ladder, career wise, housing wise etc (young women can be naive about the fact that that's in part due to his partner's labour, whether outside or inside the home, and naive about whether he'll after a split, though let's face it, a lot of men are better off after a split than their exes) ...... it's amazing (horrifying) how many think his wife is a parasitic appendage who'll conveniently bugger off on divorce and then resend her having a penny of child support).

In short; it's unrealistic to think 20s women are not interested in relationships with 40s men; if theyre reasonably attractive, they could well be. And they may not realise the age gap issues until well into a relationship.

I think the above is exactly the narrative older men have been pushing for years for obvious reasons. When I was young there is no way I or any of my friends would have considered a man in his 40s. My 20s DDs and neices, and young colleagues wouldn't either. The only young women I am aware of who have, are not the 'gorgeous' stereotype, they are young women who for various reasons find it hard to date their own age group, or alternatively those who are dating men for other factors, lifestyle influence etc. But these are rare, and the men very wealthy indeed. I'm not saying it never happens, but it certainly doesn't to the extent that some women seem to assume when they look upon attractive young women as an jnstant competitor for their very ordinary middle aged husband. Incidently, I and several of my female friends are all dating younger, many of us in stable relationships. So, while older men may want women to believe that our only option is to compete with younger women for them, ime its really not true.

Not only is it creepy it may be making her feel uncomfortable. As the older adult he should be aware of that. Just because she posts a lot on social media doesn't mean she might not feel awkward thst creepy old guy from work is watching her there. She may feel she had to let him follow her out of politeness.

@Aquamarine1029

Your husband is making a tit out of himself. I'd be disgusted with him.

I swear to god, Mumsnet is mental.

I'm not saying it never happens, but it certainly doesn't to the extent that some women seem to assume when they look upon attractive young women as an jnstant competitor for their very ordinary middle aged husband.

It's not (just) a narrative pushed by men, it certainly does happen. Not the majority of young women but nonetheless not uncommon.

Abd I didn’t say it was "ordinary middle aged husbands" - men who are attractive to young women tend to be either relatively young looking/fit/attractive for their age, and or superficially charming/"alpha", and relatively well off.

Incidently, I and several of my female friends are all dating younger, many of us in stable relationships

You're probably not dating 22 yrs younger.

That's the age gap discussion arising from this thread.

@Saysama

These comments are a bit odd.

He’s liked a few photos on social media. That’s very standard behaviour. Calm down. It doesn’t mean anyone’s marriage is being ruined. Even if he thinks she’s pretty, why is that such a problem? This need to police your partners’ thoughts to the nth degree is so strange.

Living life on the knife edge of hysteria and paranoia must be so exhausting. You can always just stop, you know?

This! I can't believe people think it's creepy. He's 45 not 95 and she is a full grown adult. People at my workplace are all ages and everyone like everyone else pics on social media and no one thinks for one second it's sinister or someone is trying it on.

How insecure and agesist this is

You do know she can see who views her stories don't you? She's probably wondering why she's being stalked by someone's wife!! I've got colleagues on social media, I like their posts when they post. I'm in my 20s, and can categorically say I'm not after getting into any of the old mens pants - neither are my similarly aged colleagues! Your opinion of revealing clothes is probably different to hers, especially if you're a bit older.

@Tamworth123

I'm not saying it never happens, but it certainly doesn't to the extent that some women seem to assume when they look upon attractive young women as an jnstant competitor for their very ordinary middle aged husband.

It's not (just) a narrative pushed by men, it certainly does happen. Not the majority of young women but nonetheless not uncommon.

Abd I didn’t say it was "ordinary middle aged husbands" - men who are attractive to young women tend to be either relatively young looking/fit/attractive for their age, and or superficially charming/"alpha", and relatively well off.

I think it's actually extremely uncommon, outside of the situations I described. Perhaps if you mix in circles where there are a lot of wealthy influential men (I don't) you may see it more. In my world of ordinary middle aged Joe Public, its very rare for young women to even glance at single older men, never mind engage in an affair with one with a wife and children. However fit and attractive they may be, same age men will typically be more so to young women, so he would need to be an extreme Alpha or very rich for an attractive young women to be interested I think.

Trust your gut here.
IMHO, it screams of creepiness.

My recent ex, well he was like this, similar age too. He was all over younger girls pics, only liking the ones of them alone, none of them with a boyfriend etc.
He then moved on to 'adult' accounts, also things like 'latexleatherlove' etc.
I found out via another message he sent me by mistake. Spoke to him, he unfollowed over 100 accts, swore he wouldn't do it again. I told him to think of his then 11 year old daughter, who could see what type of thing he followed, liked etc.
Slowly he started again & I was called unhinged & accused of "spying" on him when I mentioned it. Knew something was up. Found out he then started liking, then unliking the photos. Slowly following them all back etc.
We broke up (not because of this, though I wish I had) but not before he accidentally sent me a link to a local prostitute. Claimed he was only looking for photos and tye fact they were local was "irrelevant" Apparently he didn't do anything but needed all of this, the IG photos, twitter accts, sex workers "photos" etc to "have a wank". His 1st marriage broke down as he was caught using 20+ prostitutes starting when his youngest was a few months old.
He gaslit me, manipulated me etc to make it seem like i was unreasonable. I was questioned about my friendships etc.

I'm not saying your Husband is doing any of this, however, a man his age should know better. He will be coming across as a creep.
You need to speak to him to tell him it's making you uncomfortable, what he does with that will tell you what you need to know.
I hope its nothing, but for your own sake, talk about it.
Happy to chat over PM. Thinking of you.

Trust your gut here.
IMHO, it screams of creepiness.

Your gut is clearly influenced by your experiences.

@BoredZelda

Trust your gut here. IMHO, it screams of creepiness.

Your gut is clearly influenced by your experiences.

Actually, no it doesn't. Before I had any bad experiences, if someone older than me constantly liked my photos, I found it creepy. I know friends who've had similar, who found it creepy. Thanks for your input though, OP is clearly worried, I'm giving my perspective.

@Saysama

These comments are a bit odd.

He’s liked a few photos on social media. That’s very standard behaviour. Calm down. It doesn’t mean anyone’s marriage is being ruined. Even if he thinks she’s pretty, why is that such a problem? This need to police your partners’ thoughts to the nth degree is so strange.

Living life on the knife edge of hysteria and paranoia must be so exhausting. You can always just stop, you know?

Standard behaviour for when someone wants to let someone they know that they fancy them!!

It's not standard for someone just being friendly.

Anyone with basic social skills or social awareness knows that.

It's like if someone stares at someone else on a bus for too long.
There's a threshold,
A split second is fine, if it goes on for slightly too long then it becomes instantly uncomfortable and people start to assume the other is a serial killer lol

No one needs to be told don't look at someone for too long on a bus, they just know how it would come across.

And it's the same for liking pictures, like them all and the other person thinks you fancy them and you'll look like a creep!

Before I had any bad experiences, if someone older than me constantly liked my photos, I found it creepy.
I know friends who've had similar, who found it creepy.

In which case it is influenced by the number of people who tell you it is creepy. “Gut instinct” isn’t some innate, psychic thing, it is shaped by knowledge.

@BoredZelda

Before I had any bad experiences, if someone older than me constantly liked my photos, I found it creepy. I know friends who've had similar, who found it creepy.

In which case it is influenced by the number of people who tell you it is creepy. “Gut instinct” isn’t some innate, psychic thing, it is shaped by knowledge.

There's different types of knowledge, explicit knowledge where other people tell you that it's creepy., Implicit knowledge....

and tacit knowledge...where things are understood without being said or taught, lots of social and cultural norms are picked up this way...and that is definitely related to gut instincts!!

You are not overreacting, OP.

Your H’s actions are inappropriate and disrespectful to you. He feels validated by showing this woman constant attention, in plain sight of others. My view of him would be altered.

@user1481840227 Eh, I clearly disagree. We clearly move in very different circles, as this all sounds hysterical to me. It is very much standard for people just being friendly.

You think that anyone with social skills is aware that every single person who likes anyone’s photo fancies them? I think that’s madness. There’s no point whatsoever to us even attempting to have a conversation.

@Saysama
Not hysterical at all.

And no it's fine to like a photo, but liking every single photo every time...even when they're revealing and she's 20 years younger

Yep anyone with basic social skills knows exactly what it means! Anyone who says they don't are playing dumb!

[quote user1481840227]@Saysama
Not hysterical at all.

And no it's fine to like a photo, but liking every single photo every time...even when they're revealing and she's 20 years younger

Yep anyone with basic social skills knows exactly what it means! Anyone who says they don't are playing dumb![/quote]
I’m not playing dumb, I’m disagreeing with you. For someone who is apparently so discerning about social skills, yours are fairly poor.

It depends on the type of photos. If they are just general day to day activities out and about etc then you are being unreasonable. However, if they are the pouty, posey, scantily clad, attention seeking selfies then you are NOT being unreasonable and he is a dirty old perv