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Original poster

45 year old DH liking 24 year old girl Instagram pictures

176 replies

Anonkatemummyof2 · 21/02/2022 04:08

The title says it all really, me and DH don’t really use Instagram a lot ‘well that’s what I thought’ I was scrolling through his followings last night when I came across a pretty young girl, so out of curiosity I had a look at her profile and pretty much all of her pictures DH has liked them? I thought it was just a random following at first until I found out this girl works at DH workplace ‘A work ID badge around her neck” gave it away, I looked at her followings and she is following DH and has also liked a few of his pictures. Should I be concerned or am I overacting? Him being 45 and liking a 24 year olds picture has made me feel a little bit sick. I can’t do any further digging as I don’t have access to any of his socials. I should add that most of her pictures are quite revealing. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I know it’s ridiculous but I’m writing this at 4:05 as I can’t sleep, it’s been on my mind ever sinceConfused

OP posts:
Jvg33 · 21/02/2022 12:01

@Saysama

If your DH leaves you for a younger woman that's his loss, not yours.

All this because he liked some Insta photos. Mumsnet is nuts.

No it's a way I live my life. I never notice what my DH likes or comments on when he is online. Its best not to care. Like I said, if your DH leaves you for someone else if you honestly believe he will loose out then you will no longer live your life worrying about little things like this.
chicagocreature · 21/02/2022 12:02

@BBOA

Agree with others that it’s creepy. Why is he following a 24 year old anyway? I avoid colleagues Socials like the plague. Going to be a bit tricky explaining how you know though. Maybe say you were looking for some nice photos of him…and then apologise as you were being nosey…… but then you noticed his likes etc. Hopefully he will say he’s stupid and didn’t realise what a sleezebag he’s been.
OP doesn't need to apologise! His likes are out there in the public domain. OP doesn't need excuses to question him about his childish behaviour.
Hexagonmum · 21/02/2022 12:06

On the flip side is he maybe just mindlessly scrolling and liking all his mates, coworkers pics...it seems you've only focussed on her, if you can check whose else pics he's liked and you maybe surprised that he's liked all of David from Accounts pics also...delve further IMO before confronting as it may just end up being a non issue and a pointless argument between the two of you.

WelliesWithHeels · 21/02/2022 12:10

That would make me extremely unhappy. And I think it's extra creepy that they are apparently colleagues.

Saysama · 21/02/2022 12:12

@user1471504747

Also honestly OP some of the posters here are very dramatic. We’ve jumped from him liking some Instagram photos to he’s an old perv and this 24 year old is posting sexy stuff just for him as he’s planning on leaving you Confused
This! Some of these responses are scary!
dottydodah · 21/02/2022 12:15

I would not be very happy about this for sure .For all these cool ladies saying its not a big issue .I think at 45 hes classic middle aged crisis material . Add in an attractive young woman and I would be concerned enough to ask him what the deal is here. Is he senior to her ? Lots of younger women seem to like this! Hoping nothing untoward ,but need to have a heart to heart with hubby when he gets in!

Saysama · 21/02/2022 12:21

Not being paranoid about cheating to the point of psychosis = cool lady. 😂

user1471504747 · 21/02/2022 12:24

Why do posters feel the need to put women down for having a different opinion? All this “cool wives” stuff. Women aren’t some kind of hive mind Hmm

RockstarDotCom · 21/02/2022 12:27

How men act towards women says a lot about their character. At 45, spending time looking at photos of 24 year old colleagues in revealing clothes says that he’s a perv who doesn’t act appropriately and disrespects his wife in the process. He has a wife, he’s not some young, single man on the look out for women. It’s just 🤮

BoredZelda · 21/02/2022 12:28

Your over reacting unless he is also sending inappropriate messages to her.

I’m what MN generally would put that stupid label of “cool wife” on but even I wouldn’t see this as absolutely nothing. A 50 year old man reacting to a young female colleague’s “revealing” pictures is somewhat icky.

I like multiple pictures a day male and female doesn't mean anything

OP hasn’t made clear whether her OH has a varied range of photos he is liking or whether it is just hers, that makes a difference.

There are a few issues with this. The older man, younger woman thing is a problem. The more senior colleague, younger staff member is a problem. The fact she can be linked through insta to her work place and is posting these sorts of photos is a problem. Even if his interaction with it is mindless and innocent, he is putting himself at some risk of this coming back on him professionally.

Crikeyalmighty · 21/02/2022 12:30

My H was constantly liking an ex employee of ours FB posts (this was 15 years ago) only I didn’t know because I wasn’t friends with her— lots of comments of ‘must meet up when you are back in UK’ etc— they were good friends too and she went on trips abroad with him for work reasons. He was 41 and she was 21– 10 years after that I find by sheer chance evidence of some kind of emotional affair/infatuation (at minimum) — at least on his side. That’s when I went into his FB and saw all these likes and comments. Now although he is sorry, he thinks commenting on FB was perfectly innocent , but I feel given he had some kind of infatuation going on it was hugely disrespectful to me — I have never felt the same since— so OP I get where you are coming from and unless he goes around liking ‘all’ colleagues pictures Male and female I would nip it in the bud. It’s disrespectful to you.

BBOA · 21/02/2022 12:33

@chigacreature. I wasn’t clear . I was meaning from a giving a reason for snooping perspective . Personally I wouldn’t be bothered to check my DH insta, unless I had suspicions.

potniatheron · 21/02/2022 12:37

Firstly, what area does your husband work in? There are a number of firms now which encourage their employees to be active on social media to PR the firm. Related to this, are the photos he's liked work context shots e.g. she's in evening gear accepting an industry award and wearing a lanyard? If so that could be his reasoning.

He might be being creepy or he might be trying to be 'down with the kids' at his work and doesn't understand the subtleties and nuances of SM etiquette. They're very complex, especially where the personl and the professional lives overlap.

5128gap · 21/02/2022 12:38

@user1471504747

Why do posters feel the need to put women down for having a different opinion? All this “cool wives” stuff. Women aren’t some kind of hive mind Hmm
Its only the other side of the coin to all the 'why are you so controlling/jealous/insecure?' comments made to anyone with the audacity to question any aspect of male behaviour they find concerning or distasteful. The accusations of insecurity usually come before the 'cool wives' labelling.
HappilyBored · 21/02/2022 12:51

If people can see what someone has liked then they can draw up a picture of that person. I'd be more drawn to a 45 year old man liking classic cars than a 45 year old loser liking pretty pictures of young women. Plus, if I knew the wife of such a loser, I'd feel really sorry for her and want to tell her that she doesn't have to put up with being with a man-child.

LowlandLucky · 21/02/2022 12:58

He is a sad pervy middle aged man.

RachHen · 21/02/2022 13:00

Again. Ageist

onedayiwillflyaway1 · 21/02/2022 13:03

If your husbands instagram is public then you have every right to look at who he follows. If he is liking photos of a young female colleagues photos in a disproportionate way and you feel upset by that then your feelings are valid.

HappilyBored · 21/02/2022 13:07

What's ageist about it @RachHen ?

Susu49 · 21/02/2022 13:13

It does mean something. If she was a random influencer then there's less cause for concern, but a work colleague? I would be suspicious of an affair or the desire for one, I'm afraid.
Good luck op Flowers

Sportslady44 · 21/02/2022 13:21

would it be ok if he was looking at a womans pic the same age then, you mentioned the age gap which isnt relevant.

Friendofdennis · 21/02/2022 13:23

It’s embarrassing and leery

burnthur5t · 21/02/2022 13:26

I've learnt something new today, a 24 year old is still seen as a girl and 45 is seen as nearly 50

theDudesmummy · 21/02/2022 13:28

OK, well I stand corrected about the age thing. I just know that all of my DDs' freinds are instagram (in their twenties) and absolutely none of mine are (in my 50s). Maybe I am just a fuddy duddy!

Silversprinkles · 21/02/2022 13:42

@Anonkatemummyof2

I have spoken to a friend about the whole situation who has tried to reassure me by saying what does a 23 year old want with my nearly 50 year old DH lol
Influence in the workplace for her career Money, gifts, sugar daddy type role The ego boost of having someone desperate for her attention that she can control The power trip of "stealing" someone from wife/family

I'm not saying any of these apply to this particular young woman but I have seen similar situations for all of the above. None of them ended well.

Be wary.