What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

@greasyshoes

Also the objectifications and judging of the female body has long been and continues to be a national pastime from men and the media ON A LEVEL men have never been subjected to

Everytime I look at some stupid celebrity fashion article, or some celebrity gossip magazine, the author is always a woman...

How about when you look at the almost naked models on Instagram greasy and only fans accounts . Who are the main supporters of them ?

And where do you get YOUR research from considering you’ve told us you don’t believe yoh need to research the porn industry because as a user you know all about it

What research i base My claims that many men cat call , whistle , stare and assess mens looks
That doesn’t need research : it’s obvious from living as a woman and experiencing it all my life and knowing that many other women experience that same . sexual harassment laws exist to attempt control such behaviour

I suspect the reality is a that a tiny proportion of men, cat call, whistle and openly stare. The majority that don’t just fade into the background, unnoticed. The problem is that the minority that do, do it to a lot of women.

As for assessing women’s looks, yes, I do it to some degree. It’s not all women though, just the ones I am attracted to. I wouldn’t be surprised if other men do the same. I wouldn’t be surprised if women do exactly the same, although their criteria may have a different weighting.

However, without reliable research, it’s all supposition.

Oh come on, DW was telling me the office girls had a conversation about who they fancy and what they'd do to said person in their company if they weren't with a partner. I think some of the answers were sexually explicit.
I think this idea that women live in some kind of virtuous moral vacuum isn't true.

Tbh I felt like it was too much information, I really didn't need to know.

I think this idea that women live in some kind of virtuous moral vacuum isn't true.

I know it isn’t true because all those things Anothergreatday mentioned: the catcalling, whistling, staring and even groping have happened to me at the hands of women.

I used to work in an almost all female office environment and know from first hand experience that women are just as guilty of discussing men’s looks, even their sexual performance, with each other in great detail.

I think that type of weighing up and measuring of every woman’s appearance and body is what men get labelled superficial

Are the women commenting on this 28 page thread 'superficial'?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4486472-Never-have-I-ever-fancied-this-person-but-this-particular-appearance-gives-me-the-fanny-gallops

@hotpinkkettle

What research i base My claims that many men cat call , whistle , stare and assess mens looks That doesn’t need research : it’s obvious from living as a woman and experiencing it all my life and knowing that many other women experience that same . sexual harassment laws exist to attempt control such behaviour

I suspect the reality is a that a tiny proportion of men, cat call, whistle and openly stare. The majority that don’t just fade into the background, unnoticed. The problem is that the minority that do, do it to a lot of women.

As for assessing women’s looks, yes, I do it to some degree. It’s not all women though, just the ones I am attracted to. I wouldn’t be surprised if other men do the same. I wouldn’t be surprised if women do exactly the same, although their criteria may have a different weighting.

However, without reliable research, it’s all supposition.

Oh so you’re a man . Now I understand why you seem to have difficulty understanding womens experiences of being assessed on how the look by many men You may feel you do it rarely and that may be true but for many women being visually assessed by men is far from a far experience or a few men We will need to agree to disagree on your knowledge of what women experience lol

@hotpinkkettle

I think this idea that women live in some kind of virtuous moral vacuum isn't true.

I know it isn’t true because all those things Anothergreatday mentioned: the catcalling, whistling, staring and even groping have happened to me at the hands of women.

I used to work in an almost all female office environment and know from first hand experience that women are just as guilty of discussing men’s looks, even their sexual performance, with each other in great detail.

Have those things happened to you almost daily from women since age 12 though ? I don’t deny that men may sometimes experience then but I certainly don’t think many men have the experience of 49 yr old women routinely ogling them at day age 12 or making suggestive remarks

@hotpinkkettle

What research i base My claims that many men cat call , whistle , stare and assess mens looks That doesn’t need research : it’s obvious from living as a woman and experiencing it all my life and knowing that many other women experience that same . sexual harassment laws exist to attempt control such behaviour

I suspect the reality is a that a tiny proportion of men, cat call, whistle and openly stare. The majority that don’t just fade into the background, unnoticed. The problem is that the minority that do, do it to a lot of women.

As for assessing women’s looks, yes, I do it to some degree. It’s not all women though, just the ones I am attracted to. I wouldn’t be surprised if other men do the same. I wouldn’t be surprised if women do exactly the same, although their criteria may have a different weighting.

However, without reliable research, it’s all supposition.

As a man you have no idea whatsoever of the scale of it and how many men do it. Only those on the receiving end are in a position to know. I can assure you it is not a minority. When I run in the morning very few vans pass without the occupants shouting something. Fewer still male drivers don't openly stare. As for only assessing the looks of women you are attracted to, how on earth do you know which ones make the cut unless you cast an appraising glance at them all? You are assessing those you find unattractive just the same. And if you think this puts you amongst the 'majority' of men who don't do these creepy things, you are wrong. You may think you're discreet, but we see you.

[quote DillonPanthersTexas]I think that type of weighing up and measuring of every woman’s appearance and body is what men get labelled superficial

Are the women commenting on this 28 page thread 'superficial'?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4486472-Never-have-I-ever-fancied-this-person-but-this-particular-appearance-gives-me-the-fanny-gallops[/quote]
And again there’s a big difference between people ( male or female ) saying who they are attracted to and men doing the things I’ve described above , especially the older men ogling and making remarks to girls that’s are teens and the daily ( yes daily stuff like that many women put up with

[quote DillonPanthersTexas]I think that type of weighing up and measuring of every woman’s appearance and body is what men get labelled superficial

Are the women commenting on this 28 page thread 'superficial'?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4486472-Never-have-I-ever-fancied-this-person-but-this-particular-appearance-gives-me-the-fanny-gallops[/quote]
Imagine a 28 page thread entitled 'what female celeb gives you a hard on?' There would be outrage!

It’s interesting that three male posters above are all getting there panties in knots but I doubt one of them has experienced almost daily sexual comments and /or harassment since their teens
Mr thinks the man doth protest too much
Obviously hitting some nerves calling out the very real behaviour that many women experience

@DillonPanthersTexas

‘Imagine a 28 page thread entitled 'what female celeb gives you a hard on?' There would be outrage ‘

Lol you must be delusional . Why would men need that when they have a huge amount of the internet dedicated to exactly what gives them a hard on
And have you even read the comments on reddit that men write it only fans , insta , porn sites … much more than 26 pages I promise you

@5128gap

Yes exactly
I think the answers and arguments that it’s somehow rare and women are doing the same ( I mean really are we really harassing 13 yr old boys are we really sexuallly harrassinv men do bad at work that laws were made to stop us , are we sending unwanted vagina pics lol )
There comments just show a complete lack of understanding of how common it is and an ignorance of the reality for many many women

[quote Anothergreatday]@DillonPanthersTexas

‘Imagine a 28 page thread entitled 'what female celeb gives you a hard on?' There would be outrage ‘

Lol you must be delusional . Why would men need that when they have a huge amount of the internet dedicated to exactly what gives them a hard on
And have you even read the comments on reddit that men write it only fans , insta , porn sites … much more than 26 pages I promise you[/quote]
Im talking about on here, not Reddit etc. I'm guessing you took part in that thread then

As for only assessing the looks of women you are attracted to, how on earth do you know which ones make the cut unless you cast an appraising glance at them all?

I don’t have any control over who I find attractive. The ones I am not attracted to, the vast majority, don’t trigger any assessment response at all. They trigger exactly the same response as a man I see would.

The notion that all men consciously and deliberately weigh up every single women they set eyes on as a potential sexual partner is farcical. It just doesn’t happen

@hotpinkkettle

I think this idea that women live in some kind of virtuous moral vacuum isn't true.

I know it isn’t true because all those things Anothergreatday mentioned: the catcalling, whistling, staring and even groping have happened to me at the hands of women.

I used to work in an almost all female office environment and know from first hand experience that women are just as guilty of discussing men’s looks, even their sexual performance, with each other in great detail.

Yes, I seem to remember being stood in the DJ booth and a certain woman barging my girlfriend out for of the way, to have a 'Chat'. Came back from working in a club, went upstairs to change, two naked women were in my bed, wtf told them to get dressed my girlfriend is downstairs.

I also have a married stalker who despite being blocked seems to take great joy in messaging me consistently for over 3 yrs, with images of hotel rooms and new toys.
Or the recent trip to Windsor whereby I made a friend in the sauna, she then decided to not only butt into our meal but then followed us into the bar, inviting herself to sit at our table. She then plonked herself down next to me and attempted to have an intimate chat about relationships.

Boundaries alert.
Women are virtuous my arse.
All parties are cuckolding each other, pushing boundaries every day, all day, it's endemic.

@joydivisionovengloves71

‘Im talking about on here, not Reddit etc. I'm guessing you took part in that thread then’

And I’m talking about the fact far worse than that thread takes place all over the internet with men talking about womens bodies who who does it for them
And no I didn’t take part in it , never seen it

@hotpinkkettle

As for only assessing the looks of women you are attracted to, how on earth do you know which ones make the cut unless you cast an appraising glance at them all?

I don’t have any control over who I find attractive. The ones I am not attracted to, the vast majority, don’t trigger any assessment response at all. They trigger exactly the same response as a man I see would.

The notion that all men consciously and deliberately weigh up every single women they set eyes on as a potential sexual partner is farcical. It just doesn’t happen

Lol the ones your not attracted to don’t trigger any assessment lol That’s the funniest thing I’ve read tiday because that in itself IS an assessment And no one said all men . I said many men And I stand by that ad someone who has experienced that exact assessment from many men since a very young age

The notion that all men consciously and deliberately weigh up every single women they set eyes on as a potential sexual partner is farcical. It just doesn’t happen

I think everyone does it, on a momentary, subconscious level, when we meet someone. Most likely there will be an instant rejection, wrong sex, wrong age, wrong hair colour, wrong height, wrong whatever, and we probably don't even realise we've done it, and it's only the ones we don't do that with that we notice on a more conscious level as attractive, though we may choose to do nothing with that, for a whole host of reasons. But I think it still happens, men and women alike.

@Hrpuffnstuff1
What sexual harrasment and comments did you receive from 40 yr old women when you were a young teen and how often are you sexually commented to have your body commented on by women or suggestive proportions made . How many times per day / week ? On average

Your using one experience and comparing it to women being harrassed almost daily from a young age which is true for many women
It’s hard to even see how you could consider you one married stalker to be even a close comparison

The mysogynistic that results in this behaviour is apparent in mens denial of womens experiences
I don’t have the patience to try and explain to who simply don’t care enough to listen to many womens lived experience of being harrassed

That’s the funniest thing I’ve read tiday because that in itself IS an assessment

But not a conscious assessment. It is something I have no control over.

[quote Anothergreatday]@Hrpuffnstuff1
What sexual harrasment and comments did you receive from 40 yr old women when you were a young teen and how often are you sexually commented to have your body commented on by women or suggestive proportions made . How many times per day / week ? On average

Your using one experience and comparing it to women being harrassed almost daily from a young age which is true for many women
It’s hard to even see how you could consider you one married stalker to be even a close comparison[/quote]
I have dozens of personal examples of inapropriate behaviors from women.

Hens nights, the police force, the police force is like Sodom and Gomorrah.

We all asses strangers for attractiveness every day when we're out, some obviously do it more than others. However, whom we choose to be in a relationship may differ.

There’s absolutely no denying that men are visually stimulated by a woman’s body, if they wasn’t, OnlyFans etc would cease to exist. Women know this, they would not post half naked/naked pictures if they did not want to entice men to liking and paying for their pictures. This may not be a popular opinion but for me, if a man looks me up and down and gazes, it is a boost to my self-esteem.

if a man looks me up and down and gazes, it is a boost to my self-esteem.

That’s a brave admission on MN.