What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

[quote Anothergreatday]@samyeagar

The difference isn’t huge but when we get silly comments like looks don’t matter to men lol heh it comes to long term relationships I think it’s very interesting to see it actually matters MORE even if that is 8 percent more[/quote]
And even more ridiculous is the trope that looks don't matter to women.

Likely that is two fold in that men repeat it to give themselves hope, and excuse lazy personal habits, and women repeat it so they don't have to admit that they are nearly as shallow as men.

@Anothergreatday

And also I should add that it matters to 93 percent of men which is edging pretty close to ALL men. So why we having people saying it doesn’t matter that much to men is beyond me

I think a lot of it comes down to social niceties, as well as social shaming.

Just look here on this thread. Men saying that looks are very important to them are called shallow in a pejorative way, as if saying that looks are important is a bad thing, when that study you cited indicates that the vast majority of people should be considered shallow.

It's one of those things that socially, people are just not supposed to say out loud.

@samyeagar

And even more ridiculous is the trope that looks don't matter to women.

Likely that is two fold in that men repeat it to give themselves hope, and excuse lazy personal habits, and women repeat it so they don't have to admit that they are nearly as shallow as men.

I havnt seen anyone say looks don’t matter to women
Looks matter to everyone because that’s all we can see when we initially meet someone
BUT they do and always have mattered more to men ;)

Agree it’s social niceties that may prevent people saying those things however yoh are looking at almost one in five women that literally don’t see looks as important - that’s a significant number of women

Also the objectifications and judging of the female body has long been and continues to be a national pastime from men and the media ON A LEVEL men have never been subjected to
I think that is what many women find superficial in some men
It’s not just about whether a potential partner is attractive to a lot of men . it’s about weighing up Every woman’s looks , body and fuckability …

I think that type of weighing up and measuring of every woman’s appearance and body is what men get labelled superficial . Many men do this regardless of whether they are single or married , the constant male gaze
Not because of wanting an attractive long term partner which most of us want

@Anothergreatday

Agree it’s social niceties that may prevent people saying those things however yoh are looking at almost one in five women that literally don’t see looks as important - that’s a significant number of women

Ahh, the 5th dentist defense :D For those who may not get the reference, it is quite common in dental related advertising in the USA to refer to 4 out of 5 dentists recommend... leaving one wondering what the hell that 5th one recommends.

Yes, 16% is a significant number of women, but 84% is still an overwhelming majority.

One thing to consider though in that study is social conditioning. Men are conditioned to at least outwardly state a high importance for looks, and women are conditioned to at least outwardly minimize the importance for looks. No doubt the study tried to account that as best as it could, but studies on socially bad behaviour typically have relatively high margins of error, skewed in the socially correct direction.

Nudge the numbers a bit for that, and the gap is probably a bit closer than even what the study suggests.

@Anothergreatday

Also the objectifications and judging of the female body has long been and continues to be a national pastime from men and the media ON A LEVEL men have never been subjected to I think that is what many women find superficial in some men It’s not just about whether a potential partner is attractive to a lot of men . it’s about weighing up Every woman’s looks , body and fuckability …

Oh, no doubt the playing field is extremely tilted, but it is ever so slowly levelling out as evidenced by the dramatic rise in eating disorders and body dysmorphia in men over the past 20 years, as more and more women rightfully choose not to conform to social double standards.

From the women I know I’d guess the 84 percent is accurate . I do absolutely agree men and women are socialised differently and this likleoy affects what we look for and place importance on
Like I said above though , I don’t necessarily think that the desires in a partner is what gets men called superficial . I think it’s more to do with the way so many men so often assess womens fuckability and appearance even when dealing with them on levels completely unrelated to personal or partner seeking
Although some women may look at every man and assess that , I think men do this way more than most women

‘ Oh, no doubt the playing field is extremely tilted, but it is ever so slowly levelling out as evidenced by the dramatic rise in eating disorders and body dysmorphia in men over the past 20 years, as more and more women rightfully choose not to conform to social double standards.’

Once again I agree it’s heavily tilted and
Yes also that more eating disorders are happening in men ( sadly ) however I’d point this more to the media than women assessing them
Either way being constantly superficially taken taken a huge toll on people and I think that’s why women are fighting back and why men are being called superficial when behaving that way
One can only hope that it decreases on both sides and people become a little more introspective if how they treat others … but that’s utopian perhaps 🤔

Agree it’s social niceties that may prevent people saying those things however yoh are looking at almost one in five women that literally don’t see looks as important - that’s a significant number of women

And almost one in ten men don’t see looks as important. That is a significant number of men. Millions, in fact.

A lot more than I was expecting.

@hotpinkkettle

Agree it’s social niceties that may prevent people saying those things however yoh are looking at almost one in five women that literally don’t see looks as important - that’s a significant number of women

And almost one in ten men don’t see looks as important. That is a significant number of men. Millions, in fact.

A lot more than I was expecting.

Yes it’s almost one in ten … not good but more than I was expecting too (because of my lived experiences ) Why is it more than you were expecting hotpink kettle?

Women do care about looks, but if they prioritised them, particularly if looking for an older partner, they would be unlikely to find anyone suitable. Not only is it challenging to find an attractive man who cares about his appearance after middle age, but there are all sorts of other potential pitfalls women need to avoid, which have to be prioritised. Relationships can be very risky for women, and so for many of us, if we want an older one, if he is kind, decent, respectful, reasonably good company, can stay awake after 8pm, and doesn't lech after our daughters, we tend to take this over looks.

@Anothergreatday

From the women I know I’d guess the 84 percent is accurate . I do absolutely agree men and women are socialised differently and this likleoy affects what we look for and place importance on Like I said above though , I don’t necessarily think that the desires in a partner is what gets men called superficial . I think it’s more to do with the way so many men so often assess womens fuckability and appearance even when dealing with them on levels completely unrelated to personal or partner seeking Although some women may look at every man and assess that , I think men do this way more than most women

Oh, I have no doubt that men do that way more than women, I also think that number of men who actually do that, is likely way lower than what conventional wisdom says.

Why is it more than you were expecting hotpink kettle?

Because I don’t think I know any men who don’t regard looks as important. That said, I haven’t been handing out questionnaires.

@Anothergreatday

Also the objectifications and judging of the female body has long been and continues to be a national pastime from men and the media ON A LEVEL men have never been subjected to I think that is what many women find superficial in some men It’s not just about whether a potential partner is attractive to a lot of men . it’s about weighing up Every woman’s looks , body and fuckability …

How do you weigh up a woman’s fuckability?

@hotpinkkettle

Why is it more than you were expecting hotpink kettle?

Because I don’t think I know any men who don’t regard looks as important. That said, I haven’t been handing out questionnaires.

But surely not all the men you know are in the position to be able to regard looks as important? If they're not able to attract a good looking woman would they rather stay single?

@hotpinkkettle

Why is it more than you were expecting hotpink kettle?

Because I don’t think I know any men who don’t regard looks as important. That said, I haven’t been handing out questionnaires.

Yes I agree I only know one that doesn’t . And I don’t hand out questionnaires either , lucky for both of us , lots of social scientists do the research for us all so the dates there

@SparklingStars10

You’d have to ask the men who are ogling that ?
The male gaze has also been pretty heavily researched
Have you never had the experience of having your body looked up and down , the comments , the gestures
I have experienced that since age 12 and I think many women experience that
I don’t think men get that all day every day from women …

How do you weigh up a woman’s fuckability?

I was wondering that too.

Have any studies been done?

@hotpinkkettle

How do you weigh up a woman’s fuckability?

I was wondering that too.

Have any studies been done?

Obviously a researcher would not use the word ‘fuckability ‘ it’s a way of saying men who assess how attractive they find women - every woman they come across Is that a surprise to you pink kettle Have you having men constantly doing that all your lives , making comments , whistling , etc I would consider that men weighing up a woman’s ‘fuckability ‘ or in the least weighing uo how attracted they find her - fuckability ie my words ! And obviously you can use that to try and say ‘ oh I havnt heard about any studies ‘on fuckability ‘ ‘ but I think you’d have a hard time saying you havnt heard of men who are constantly assessing womens looks whistling making comments ect

Also the objectifications and judging of the female body has long been and continues to be a national pastime from men and the media ON A LEVEL men have never been subjected to

Everytime I look at some stupid celebrity fashion article, or some celebrity gossip magazine, the author is always a woman...

Is that a surprise to you pink kettle

Yes, it is because I find it difficult to believe all women are assessed and that there are no boundaries.

And obviously you can use that to try and say ‘ oh I havnt heard about any studies ‘on fuckability ‘

That wasn’t what I was saying, but I was wondering on what research you are basing your claims.

@greasyshoes

Also the objectifications and judging of the female body has long been and continues to be a national pastime from men and the media ON A LEVEL men have never been subjected to

Everytime I look at some stupid celebrity fashion article, or some celebrity gossip magazine, the author is always a woman...

You think the people paying her wages are too?

@hotpinkkettle

Is that a surprise to you pink kettle

Yes, it is because I find it difficult to believe all women are assessed and that there are no boundaries.

And obviously you can use that to try and say ‘ oh I havnt heard about any studies ‘on fuckability ‘

That wasn’t what I was saying, but I was wondering on what research you are basing your claims.

What research i base My claims that many men cat call , whistle , stare and assess mens looks That doesn’t need research : it’s obvious from living as a woman and experiencing it all my life and knowing that many other women experience that same . sexual harassment laws exist to attempt control such behaviour