What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I’m a man, and I don’t have a clue either, 🤷🏼‍♂️ as PP alluded to, we ( men ), are all different, but when you see someone you like, or would like to get know, you just kinda “gravitate” towards them.

To quota a previous poster
I think many men are attracted to the same thing as women are ; independence, self-reliance, honesty, kindness, good sense of humour. I think many men value those things over looks any time. I think men communicate very differently though which is why I find them confusing!

I would agree with all that.

Interesting.

I must be really shallow. If the looks that appeal to me aren’t there, I have never got to the stage of discovering independence, self-reliance, honesty, kindness, good sense of humour etc.

@hotpinkkettle

I don’t think it’s shallow, we are mostly attracted to people we are visually drawn to. I am not drawn to men who are bald, short or overweight and I don’t think that makes me shallow, I am just not physically attracted to them.

I don’t think it’s shallow either.

@hotpinkkettle

I must be really shallow. If the looks that appeal to me aren’t there, I have never got to the stage of discovering independence, self-reliance, honesty, kindness, good sense of humour etc.

I wouldn't consider someone who wasn't physically attractive to me, but I find that someone having the right interests and personality type will push a 'maybe' over the line.

"her arse is still plump"

God! this is so horrible.

How would you feel if women on this thread said "I checked out his crotch and it didn't look big enough for me through his trousers so I moved on..." ?

I think people going ‘kindness, honesty, reliability’ etc are imagining a somewhat attractive man with these qualities. Rather than somebody who looks like Homer Simpson with them. It isn’t shallow to have a physical type, or to place value on finding a person physically attractive. It’s only shallow if you’re willing to put up with a crap personality solely for that.

@bubblesbubbles11

The only issue I have with this approach is that men are either showers or growers.

Some days I look like I've a micro penis but this is because I'm the latter of the two. In fact, last time I was out on the bike, it was so cold I couldn't find it when I got in and went to pee

Fortunately I'm happily married but would be terrible if people missed out on love because of something like this.

@hotpinkkettle

I must be really shallow. If the looks that appeal to me aren’t there, I have never got to the stage of discovering independence, self-reliance, honesty, kindness, good sense of humour etc.

In all truth id rather be told a man was attracted to looks than 'independence and self reliance'. The first would be as I'd expect. The second i would read as 'I'm selfish and lazy, and the last thing I want is to be helping or supporting you with anything'.

Looks have to count first, because to start with, it's all you've got to go on. I suppose you might meet someone at work or as a friend of a friend and get chatting that way, but I think without looks that appeal to you that's what is going to make the difference between someone who becomes a lover rather than just a friend.

Very few men are looking at models on instagram, in fact I bet there are more women on instagram looking at models than men.

I don't think men and women are so different really, for a long term relationships most don't put that much weight on looks. Although you can see people tend towards someone who is around the same level of attractiveness.

@Jusmeee

I don't think men and women are so different really, for a long term relationships most don't put that much weight on looks. Although you can see people tend towards someone who is around the same level of attractiveness.

And reality plays this out.

Of course there are always exceptions that are frequently trotted out here as a norm based on a few selective examples, but...

The vast majority of relationships are between people within five years of each other.

Most people who have affairs, affair down both looks wise and socially.

The idea of arm candy is certainly played up, but in reality, is something very few actually achieve.

The reality is, what men and women admire the most physically , and who they end up in a relationship with are often different. Most people, objectively, if they were given a lineup that included celebrities, musicians, athletes and their partner, they would not pick their partner as the most viscerally physically attractive. Yet they are likely completely head over heels thrilled with their partner on the whole.

When you say 'affair down' you mean they have affairs with someone less attractive and of a lower social status? That's interesting, I've not heard that before. Is it based on studies?

'Lower' than themselves, or than their primary partner?

@5128gap

'Lower' than themselves, or than their primary partner?

Their primary partners.

Though the idea of affairing "down" or "up" is kind of nebulous though, especially from a looks standpoint, in that people aren't generally having affairs with the super hot younger people like we see in the movies and on TV.

Again, standard disclaimer in that there are exceptions, but most affairs are workplace or acquaintance affairs, where there is frequent, easy access, and most workplaces are filled with normal, average looking people.

Most people who have affairs, affair down both looks wise and socially

Surely, it takes two to have an affair. Do they both “affair down” both on looks and socially?

Interesting. Now you come to mention it, the people I know who have had affairs have been with APs less attactive imo than their PPs. Though I wonder if some of that is bias, because I felt so indignant on behalf of thr PP I looked for the flaws in the AP.

I've asked one of my sons (38, professional, no kids) this question. He says:
a woman who makes an effort with her appearance - clean, nicely-styled hair, a bit of make-up, not lots, someone who looks groomed but natural.
A sense of humour, able to have interesting conversations, has ambitions, like to travel.

He said he'd be put off by:
scraped-back/scruffy hair, false eyelashes, false or massively long nails, dressed in tracksuits all the time, someone who doesn't want/try to better themselves, a woman whose only conversation is about reality tv/so-called celebrities.

@Jusmeee

Very few men are looking at models on instagram, in fact I bet there are more women on instagram looking at models than men.

You need to go look at the likes of the nude models . The ones who do bikini and soft porn shots …. I’ll give you a hint ken are the PRIMARY followers Who do you think is following the women doing all the only fans accounts ? Ad for men placing less importance on looks . That’s literally the OPPOSITE of what research says Go look up the many many studies done o. What me. And women look for in a partner Over and over again looks come up as number one for men Not so with women who often have looks as number three or four on their list of important traits Have you read about the actual studies

This is a summary of just one such study from Chapman university Sept 2015

Gender Differences: Specifically, the study revealed that men and women differed in the percentage indicating:
it was 'desirable/essential' that their potential partner was good-looking (M 92 percent vs. W 84 percent),
had a slender body (M 80 percent vs. W 58 percent),

@Anothergreatday

This is a summary of just one such study from Chapman university Sept 2015

Gender Differences: Specifically, the study revealed that men and women differed in the percentage indicating:
it was 'desirable/essential' that their potential partner was good-looking (M 92 percent vs. W 84 percent),
had a slender body (M 80 percent vs. W 58 percent),

That doesn't sound too unreasonable. While there is an 8% difference between men and women in importance that their partner is good looking, the numbers show it is overwhelmingly important to both men and women.

The slender percentages also make sense in that a 6' 200lb man is not going to be described as slender, but would likely have a desirable physique to many women.

@samyeagar

The difference isn’t huge but when we get silly comments like looks don’t matter to men lol heh it comes to long term relationships I think it’s very interesting to see it actually matters MORE even if that is 8 percent more

And also I should add that it matters to 93 percent of men which is edging pretty close to ALL men.
So why we having people saying it doesn’t matter that much to men is beyond me

Typo - Make that 92% of men