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Original poster

First date nightmares tell me yours..

289 replies

Oakleaf40 · 11/02/2022 15:32

So first date after talking to this guy for a while...

I absolutely hated it.. He is such a nice guy but all he did was talk about his Ex... and his food manners were shocking. Talking with his mouth open, using his hands to move food yuck!! rude to the waiter... was such a shame .. Tell me yours..

OP posts:
buddylicious · 13/02/2022 13:23

@dipdye

Man needs to pay on first date. Non negotiable for me too.

NEEDS to pay?!

Sweetlikejollof · 13/02/2022 13:30

Ha! Thank you! I have three brothers and they were always very clear that if a man makes you uncomfortable in any way, you remove yourself from the situation. They drummed it into me. Grin

On the upside, one of those dates turned out splendidly a few years ago and we’re getting married soon. So, everything worked out in the end!

Vaxhubsandwich · 13/02/2022 13:34

I went on a date with a guy who had almost full custody of his two boys they were late primary age. (They lived with him, went to mum's Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon each week, his ex had lots of physical and mental health issues which he was very kind about).
I drove to his village 10 miles away for a pub meal, we go on well, sat outside a nice pub and I had a coffee after (was driving).
He then got a stream of WhatsApp messages, became unsettled, wouldn't say what was wrong so I started to prepare to go...when his ex arrived with both kids, they had a whispered argument and she left , leaving him (and me) with both boys.

Londondreams1 · 13/02/2022 13:44

Arranged to meet in a coffee shop yesterday. Arrived and he was sitting at the window, not much of a welcome, or offer of coffee, so I proceeded to go to the counter to by my own. Arrived back and there was a woman sitting with him! Friend, maybe? But then he ignored me and didn’t introduce. So awkward , so I sat at a table to drink my coffee in peace with my phone (I’d bought it so couldn’t just leave!)
Then weirdly, the woman got up and found her own table and he came to join me on mine! I was so shocked I just acted natural and made conversation. He was pretty interesting in that the art and photography on the walls of the coffee shop were his, and were good, to be fair.

I won’t be seeing him again. Even taking into account he might be a gauche eccentric socially inept type, who has lots of “lady friends” if he knows the coffee shop well, I still felt humiliated and can’t risk that it might even be some fetish thing!

Londondreams1 · 13/02/2022 13:55

I should add that we had seen each other before in the flesh a few times, so it can’t be that he was disappointed in my appearance, although it may have been that, to be fair. He did invite me to a restaurant this week, but I’m so burned that it just strikes me that it could turn into gaslighty type of relationship!

Sweetlikejollof · 13/02/2022 14:00

@Londondreams1 Did you ask him for an explanation?

I’d have just left (coffee or no coffee), to be honest. And I don’t really think you should even be contemplating dinner with him (which you don’t seem to be).

Londondreams1 · 13/02/2022 14:17

No I didn’t!
It was tricky because it’s the kind of place I’d like to go back to, and I couldn’t make it look like a storm out, especially if he’s friendly with the staff and owners, so that’s why I acted natural with my little table in the corner...
But yeah the fact I had to use brain power to navigate all of that means he’s already wasted my energy. It’s most likely that she was someone who turned up for a coffee who he didn’t want to burn his bridges with by introducing us, which is fair enough. But could be something else!

Sweetlikejollof · 13/02/2022 14:22

So, he came and sat with you and you just carried on as normal? And you didn’t ask what had happened? Why?!

You didn’t need to storm out. You could have just left. I don’t think it sounds particularly tricky.

I’m not trying to be critical, but I find this such a confusing story.

GrendelsGrandma · 13/02/2022 14:29

He mentioned learning to play backgammon over dinner. We then went to a pub where some guys were randomly playing backgammon. They said they learned it when they were in prison together. I drank my pint in silence watching two ex-cons play backgammon then went home.

Londondreams1 · 13/02/2022 14:32

@Sweetlikejollof
Umm I’m not sure really. It was a “cozy” coffee shop, the type where you can feel the vibrations of everyone in there.
And Somewhere I’d like to keep going to in future.
I would’ve felt even more humiliated if I’d just left my freshly bought coffee on the table and left. Everybody would’ve noticed and known why.
I just thought “blending it in” was the best thing to do.

ugifletzet · 13/02/2022 14:37

@Lovemusic33

I have had several dates with people on the spectrum (my dc are both autistic so I can spot the traits). One was running late and I spent the rest of the date calming him down.
I'm autistic myself. For this reason I was very wary about trying online dating. I struggle so much with making 'small talk' with strangers, perhaps because I don't understand what qualifies as 'small' - I can see why someone might assume fire engines fit the bill! In the end a good friend persuaded me to give Bumble a try, as no one on there would be able to contact me without me initiating.

After several weeks of solid left-swiping, I was intrigued by one man's profile photo. He was standing on a mountain summit that looked as if it could be in the Hindu Kush. I had an obsession with that mountain range when I was in primary school and I had read everything I could find about it. I messaged him to ask if he'd travelled there.

We went on a date the next week. At the end of the meal, after some lovely detailed conversation, I asked him if he was autistic. I'd been prompting myself to give eye contact during the meal, but to my welcome relief, he didn't seem to want to make any. He exclaimed, "How did you know?!"

He's the only person I ever dated through Bumble, and hopefully he's the last. We're getting married this summer. Grin

Wedonttalkabout · 13/02/2022 14:50

I always think I'm going to pop up as someone's worst date on one of these threads!

I'd just moved to a new city and went on a date. My bank card was suddenly blocked as my mail from the old address had been redirected, and when I withdrew money on my rarely used credit card in a new city it thought it was suspicious so blocked it

I only found this out in a taxi on the way when I used an cash point, luckily the taxi driver took pity on me as I couldn't pay him!

I had zero money for the date, and I'm not convinced my date believed what had happened.

We had a lovely meal and date, and I had to awkwardly go and get a taxi back with my housemate who was also on a date

We didn't meet again as I ended up meeting someone who I'm still with 6 years later.

Sorry poor lady!

In hindsight I would have transferred her money after I got home but it felt a bit buisness like.

I also had a date where I ended up staying at their house for 3 days :-/

Lovemusic33 · 13/02/2022 14:59

ugifletzet so happy for you. I think online dating for people on the spectrum makes meeting people less stressful, I don’t get out much, I don’t have a huge friendship circle as I struggle in groups of people, I do however like meeting individuals and the fact you can pick out the ones that share interests helps a lot. I have had many a bad date but I have also made some amazing friends on online dating, mostly quirky people like myself. I really hope things work out for you.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/02/2022 17:55

Met a nice guy at a baseball game. We supported the same team and had a nice time sitting next to each other at the game, so we arranged a date. He was recently divorced and I was newly post break up.

We both spent the entire evening talking about our exes!! He wasn't over his and I was pretty much vilifying mine. At the end of the evening he said "I don't think either of us is really ready for this" and I said "I agree". This was pre-cell phones and SM and when long distance phone calls cost $$ so we both just sort of went our separate ways and never saw each other again.

He was a nice guy. I was a nice gal. The timing was just completely 'off'.

Sweetlikejollof · 14/02/2022 05:53

@AcrossthePond55 That is totally the noughties romcom that never happened! You guys serendipitously finding each other! Hijinks and romance ensue! You (played by Jennifer Anniston) and Ben Affleck. I would 110% have watched it!

PennyPinkPineapple · 14/02/2022 06:26

He turned up drunk with blood on his shirt stinking of horrible cheap aftershave. He kept mentioning his ex and asking if mine was a "flid". He insisted we have dinner even though I said before I only wanted to have a drink and then picked a dessert he fancied as soon as we sat down so I knew there was no escape before the end of three courses!

He got annoyed when I told him I couldn't have a second drink because I'd driven because he thought we were going to have "fun", even though he had driven despite having about six pints beforehand.

He had disgusting table manners, kept trying to hold my hand, wouldn't stop giving me ridiculous compliments, kept saying he could see us together in the future etc. Blah!

Then once dinner was over he tried to invite himself back to my house, but "don't worry I won't try and have sex with you".

Omg, it was so awful. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/02/2022 14:51

[quote Sweetlikejollof]@AcrossthePond55 That is totally the noughties romcom that never happened! You guys serendipitously finding each other! Hijinks and romance ensue! You (played by Jennifer Anniston) and Ben Affleck. I would 110% have watched it![/quote]
I just wish someone would look at Jennifer Aniston and think "She's perfect for the role of Across!!!".

Maybe I'll write a screenplay. I'll cut you in for 20% since you suggested it. lol

Inthesameboatatmo · 14/02/2022 14:51

Lied about his height massively and tried to stick his hand down my top to 'cop a feel'. Ffs .

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 14:54

@CocoCookieCream

After dinner, when the waiter brought the bill, my date said to him, we will split the bill. Without even trying to do the cheque dance / offering to pay / or pretend to offer to pay.
You dislike honest men who believe in equal shares then?
ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 14:58

@Sweetlikejollof

I’m with *@CocoCookieCream* on this one. If a man doesn’t at least offer to pay on the first date, then there wouldn’t be a second date. I find that certain men only seem to believe in equality and feminism when it absolves them from putting their hand in their pocket.
That's funny. I find that certain women only seem to believe in equality & feminism when it doesn't mean putting their hand in their pocket ...
Sweetlikejollof · 14/02/2022 15:05

@ChargingBuck That’s nice, dear.

Sweetlikejollof · 14/02/2022 15:06

@AcrossthePond55 Excellent! Grin

Apothe · 14/02/2022 15:47

I'm not sure how I feel about splitting the bill now (it was always going to be awkward in my mind). I think I would offer to pay my share. But the example of the man telling the waiter that the bill would be split sounded rudely done and would ring alarm bells (manners and meanness)

RedScarfJamjar · 14/02/2022 16:09

@ugifletzet that is such a nice story, I'm so happy for you both! Smile

MuffinStrops · 14/02/2022 16:17

@Sweetlikejollof

I’m with *@CocoCookieCream* on this one. If a man doesn’t at least offer to pay on the first date, then there wouldn’t be a second date. I find that certain men only seem to believe in equality and feminism when it absolves them from putting their hand in their pocket.
Why is there an expectation that a man should pay on the first date? That’s outdated and not fair.