Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

First date nightmares tell me yours..

289 replies

Oakleaf40 · 11/02/2022 15:32

So first date after talking to this guy for a while...

I absolutely hated it.. He is such a nice guy but all he did was talk about his Ex... and his food manners were shocking. Talking with his mouth open, using his hands to move food yuck!! rude to the waiter... was such a shame .. Tell me yours..

OP posts:
sassbott · 14/02/2022 20:50

Love the thread police. If I’ve broken posting guidelines, feel free to report any of my posts to mnet and if I’ve broken mnet guidelines, a moderator will delete my posts and I will unreservedly apologise for the derail.

They’d need to post many others also though. So make sure you report them all.

SunshineOnKeith · 14/02/2022 21:01

We live in an unequal society. Employment is unequal. Pay is unequal. Relationships are unequal. Playing at ‘equality’ when it suits you might be your bag, but it’s certainly not mine.

Your rationale for employment and pay being unequal in the under 50s has already been debunked.

I expect your relationships are all unequal if you start then off as such by adhering to patriarchal expectations of a man financing you or paying for your time, or the pleasure of your company.

I prefer men to treat me as an equal partner, it's not playing at equality - it's living it, and holding others to the same standards.

Plus its pretty stingy.

MuffinStrops · 14/02/2022 21:12

@SunshineOnKeith

We live in an unequal society. Employment is unequal. Pay is unequal. Relationships are unequal. Playing at ‘equality’ when it suits you might be your bag, but it’s certainly not mine.

Your rationale for employment and pay being unequal in the under 50s has already been debunked.

I expect your relationships are all unequal if you start then off as such by adhering to patriarchal expectations of a man financing you or paying for your time, or the pleasure of your company.

I prefer men to treat me as an equal partner, it's not playing at equality - it's living it, and holding others to the same standards.

Plus its pretty stingy.

Well said.
Natty13 · 14/02/2022 21:15

[quote KeepingAnOpenMind]@Natty13 But a man expecting his date to buy his dinner is no guarantee that he will pick up his wet towels or do any housework[/quote]
I never bought men dinners. Paid for plenty of my own though.

As I've said, my experience of men who expected to pay everything on dates for me were men who also expected that when house and DC came along the woman (potentially I if things progressed) would be doing most of the housework and almost all of the mental labour. I haven't met many men like this tbh, I have high standards and can spot a lazy dick a mile off. All the men I ever lived with romantically chipped in to household duties equally without having to be asked or prompted so of course I trust my "picker".

I'm aware that oher people have very different experiences....nobody is wrong for feeling whatever they feel towards this. The women who want a man to pay for them on dates will find men who want to pay and those of us who prefer to split it will end up with the others.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 14/02/2022 21:18

I'd been texting a woman I knew through my sister's fella and we'd spoke on the phone a few times and she invited me round one night to watch a movie. After getting there and settling in, her Mum turns up (I'd met her before) to say hello and we talk for a while. Once Mum has left we watch the movie, have a cuddle and a kiss on the sofa when her dog starts getting involved and won't stop humping my leg, it wouldn't leave me alone. I can't remember if there were many more dates but the dog got more action than me.

Saysama · 14/02/2022 21:48

@Myotherusernamewastakenagain

I'd been texting a woman I knew through my sister's fella and we'd spoke on the phone a few times and she invited me round one night to watch a movie. After getting there and settling in, her Mum turns up (I'd met her before) to say hello and we talk for a while. Once Mum has left we watch the movie, have a cuddle and a kiss on the sofa when her dog starts getting involved and won't stop humping my leg, it wouldn't leave me alone. I can't remember if there were many more dates but the dog got more action than me.
That’s your worst first date? You talked to her mum a bit and her dog jumped your leg? That’s barely even a story!
Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 14/02/2022 22:05

Yeah afraid so. The rest were nothing strange and my last first date was when I was 19!

RedScarfJamjar · 14/02/2022 23:08

That's...literally the point of the thread?

OK people, from hereon in unless your story contains MI5, a ferret and at least 3 celebrities it's inadmissible.

Ijsbear · 18/02/2022 20:54

This thread would have been really funny if it wasn't for the arguing!

the bits of gold among the rest of the posts are great tho.

Singlemumlifeforme · 18/02/2022 22:20

I met a really good looking guy just before I went to University. He invited himself to visit me in my halls of residence in my first week. A group of us were drinking before a night out and I went in to my room to grab my jacket and found him standing wanking over my bed! He sent me a pumpkin as an apology!

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/02/2022 23:56

@Singlemumlifeforme

I met a really good looking guy just before I went to University. He invited himself to visit me in my halls of residence in my first week. A group of us were drinking before a night out and I went in to my room to grab my jacket and found him standing wanking over my bed! He sent me a pumpkin as an apology!
Was it Halloween?
MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 19/02/2022 00:04

Ffs. What looked like five or six pages of really interesting stories was completely derailed by selfish fucking idiots having a row. Fuck off! Twats.

Loveandlimpets · 19/02/2022 00:22

I got ditched on a first date. We were having a reasonable time in a pub in the city. I went to the toilet and then he was gone when I came out. I have a thick skin but even I felt a bit humiliated afterwards. I sent him an email afterwards calling him a dick and he pretended not to remember.

DixonD · 19/02/2022 01:13

[quote KeepingAnOpenMind]@Migrainesbythedozen Do you expect the woman in your life to put up shelves, do all the driving and take out the rubbish?
Women are now expected to work full time, run a family and do most of the housework. It is not unreasonable for a man to buy dinner.[/quote]
This!

Honestly, when DID it stop being nice for a man to buy your dinner? I love a man who opens doors and treats a woman properly. I didn’t marry one unfortunately but it’s nice when it happens!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/02/2022 06:31

So sorry that happened to you @Georgyporky

I have many (crap) first date stories. The worst was going to a very nice bar with my date. Getting on ok, he didn't look much like his profile photo but that's kind of usual. He went off to the loo. Had a wank and sent me a video. Asked me to join him in the accessible loo. I ignored. He came back from the loo and it wasn't mentioned. After one drink we left, and when I was on the train home he sent me a load of pictures - he'd upskirted me.

He asked to see me again and when I said no, said I was boring 😂

DillonPanthersTexas · 19/02/2022 07:37

BatshitCrazyWoman

Jesus, should have called the police

Inthesameboatatmo · 19/02/2022 07:49

An ethnic minority! In my experience they are the men who would absolutely never let a woman pay for anything on a date . You are very ignorant.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 19/02/2022 08:41

My first ever date I paid for lunch - we were only 15 after all and I wanted to make the point we were equals. Unfortunately, he never did the same for me - equality only worked when it felt like it.
It transpired later that he was only with me because he thought he would eventually have sex with me and it would be suitable compensation for putting up with such an annoying, unpopular person like me! A starter girlfriend if you will.

I don't expect to be paid for but I also don't want to argue over a 50p difference of expenditure when it comes to splitting the bill. And it's nice to have someone who will put their hand in their pocket for you as well as vice versa.

Suffice to say, stingy with money, stingy with love!

outdooryone · 19/02/2022 08:55

"OK people, from hereon in unless your story contains MI5, a ferret and at least 3 celebrities it's inadmissible."

Well, there was this time in Sweden, while fishing for crayfish with a rally driver and politician, when the police arrived with an Alsation and..... ;-)

HollowTalk · 19/02/2022 09:00

@BatshitCrazyWoman Did you report that to the police? Not only is he a really nasty piece of work but he's completely stupid as well to give you evidence like that.

Derelicthome · 19/02/2022 10:22

We were at this restaurant where the windows were reflective so more like mirrors.
We sat right beside one of these huge windows and I looked at my date in the window waiting for him to meet my gaze but he was too caught up in his own reflection and throughout the dinner continued to check himself out.

Natty13 · 19/02/2022 11:35

@MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig

Ffs. What looked like five or six pages of really interesting stories was completely derailed by selfish fucking idiots having a row. Fuck off! Twats.
And your super helpful post has pushed it towards another page. Plenty of people have said exactly what yours has with different wording so you haven't added anything new at all.

Honestly at this point there are just as many people complaining about the debating/arguing as there are posts actually arguing/debating so you can hardly complain about a derail off the topic when you are just as bad.

Natty13 · 19/02/2022 11:44

@Loveandlimpets

I got ditched on a first date. We were having a reasonable time in a pub in the city. I went to the toilet and then he was gone when I came out. I have a thick skin but even I felt a bit humiliated afterwards. I sent him an email afterwards calling him a dick and he pretended not to remember.
God that is horrible I'm sorry thst happened. Says everything about him and nothing about you though.

I think I might be someone's story somewhere. We were at a table in a swanky bar for drinks and noticed a few young women chatting to a group of guys at the bar but clearly the 2 groups didn't know each other. I guess at some point I noticed that the girls all left to go somewhere else because the bar got quieter. Later I went to the loo and found one of the girls paralytic drunk in a cubicle. Got her clothes back on (she'd obv tried to get out of a jumpsuit to pee and couldn't get it back on) and took her upstairs to get water thinking if I could remember what any of the friends she was with but they had actually all gone. She was too drunk to talk. Anyway one of the group of guys they had been talking to tried to convince me she was his friend and they'd look after her but faltered when I asked him her name, didn't have her number in his phone, couldn't contact any of the girls who had left her either. My date must have been thinking wtf was going on because I first was in the loo for ages then came back with a half conscious girl and refusing to leave her in the care of these men. It was so dodgy.

Grapejuiceisntwine · 19/02/2022 12:48

Where do I start?

First one that will always stick in my mind is one who was a compulsive liar. We actually dated for a while stupidly but basically I was his affair! I had NO idea until he FaceTimed me one day and I saw women's shoes by his door. He came out with some crap about them being his exes (who baring in mind had never lived there and he never spoke to or saw). So after a little detective work, he had actually been in a relationship for 3 years! I ended it immediately!

Another one a complete catfish. Said on his profile he was 5'10... I'm guessing 5'4.... I am 5'3 and he wasn't much taller. He said he was a systems analyst but basically he use to go around to different amusements and pubs and play fruit machines... and also (don't judge me on this for being shallow cause this was a long time ago) he was wearing the same clothes my kid had, I'm guessing it was because he was short he could get away with it - but at the time I was like I was on a date with my son!!!!

Another one spent 3 hours talking about mortgages and to Renault ME-GAN-EEE ... I did actually nod off ...

And the worst one EVER actually raped me. He asked to meet - I said yes but it wasn't going to be a 'bootie call' because I simply didn't fancy him - he had other ideas. I was traumatised for ages after that. I tried to get the police involved but he clearly had lied about everything including his name and location and he must have used a burner phone because it was no longer in service cause he was untraceable. I just wonder how many other women he did that to. Sick human.

Grapejuiceisntwine · 19/02/2022 12:49

That's suppose to read 'and HIS Renault....'