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Original poster

First date nightmares tell me yours..

289 replies

Oakleaf40 · 11/02/2022 15:32

So first date after talking to this guy for a while...

I absolutely hated it.. He is such a nice guy but all he did was talk about his Ex... and his food manners were shocking. Talking with his mouth open, using his hands to move food yuck!! rude to the waiter... was such a shame .. Tell me yours..

OP posts:
Sweetlikejollof · 14/02/2022 16:19

@MuffinStrops It’s been gone into quite throughly on this thread. I shan’t be repeating myself. Scroll up.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 14/02/2022 16:49

I agree @Sweetlikejollof there are plenty of men for whom the idea of equality is utterly subjective.

MamTDM · 14/02/2022 17:00

I was about 18. Met a lad a year or so older than me in a nightclub who seemed nice enough and arranged for him to call for me (at my parents' house) a few days later to go for a walk. He walked into the front room, froze in terror, said he could sense the presence of evil under the floor, and then fell to his knees and started praying. I was just standing there with no idea what the hell to do. We eventually went for an excruciatingly awkward walk round the block while he talked to me about some weird church that he was a devout member of, and then I made my excuses and went home to the house of evil and never saw him again.

Porcupineintherough · 14/02/2022 17:05

@dipdye

Man needs to pay on first date. Non negotiable for me too.
I hope you make that clear on your dating profile. To make sure you dont attract any time wasters. Grin
sassbott · 14/02/2022 17:35

@MuffinStrops tread carefully. Posters like me who’ve challenged the ‘men should pay on the first date’ narrative have been called dementors (sucking the fun out the thread) and told to start a thread of our own (although then I think that’s a TAAT…so not quite allowed)

I suggest you back out quietly. Grin

KeepingAnOpenMind · 14/02/2022 17:37

@Migrainesbythedozen Do you expect the woman in your life to put up shelves, do all the driving and take out the rubbish?
Women are now expected to work full time, run a family and do most of the housework. It is not unreasonable for a man to buy dinner.

sassbott · 14/02/2022 17:43

I work full time. I do DIY. I run my house. I put bins out. I raise children. I also pay for dinner. It’s called adulting.

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 17:44

Women are now expected to work full time
The poor little first world UK victims, enslaved to the notion that they are now ... free to work, legally entitled to the same pay & benefits as men.

run a family and do most of the housework
What family? Whose housework?
These are men who you are looking to date. You don't have DC or a home with them.

It is not unreasonable for a man to buy dinner
"Hi Date - because some women meekly accept that the men they eventually choose to buy a house & start a family with will not contribute to the domestic load, you're paying for my dinner."

What are you like, @KeepingAnOpenMind? Grin

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 17:46

Do you expect the woman in your life to put up shelves, do all the driving and take out the rubbish?

Are these chores only men can do? Who knew. I've been homesteading All Wrong ...

KeepingAnOpenMind · 14/02/2022 17:55

@ChargingBuck ‘Homesteading?’ Is this Little House on the Prairie 🤣
It’s sad there are so many triggered men on this thread who are outraged about having to put their hands in their pocket sometimes.

TurquoiseDragon · 14/02/2022 17:57

Honestly no good relationship comes from a first date where the man didn't pay, it's shit but the reality is that men are willing to pay if they value you and your company, if they don't then that translates into the rest of the relationship.. my experience anyway, yours might be different

I'd have to agree with this. I should have realised this before getting into a relationship with my abusive ex. Money was definitely an issue on his part, or rather, keeping his own money and getting others (usually me) to pay.

isthismylifenow · 14/02/2022 17:57

[quote KeepingAnOpenMind]@Migrainesbythedozen Do you expect the woman in your life to put up shelves, do all the driving and take out the rubbish?
Women are now expected to work full time, run a family and do most of the housework. It is not unreasonable for a man to buy dinner.[/quote]
You are taking the piss. Surely?

linchinton · 14/02/2022 17:58

@ChargingBuck

Women are now expected to work full time The poor little first world UK victims, enslaved to the notion that they are now ... free to work, legally entitled to the same pay & benefits as men.

run a family and do most of the housework
What family? Whose housework?
These are men who you are looking to date. You don't have DC or a home with them.

It is not unreasonable for a man to buy dinner
"Hi Date - because some women meekly accept that the men they eventually choose to buy a house & start a family with will not contribute to the domestic load, you're paying for my dinner."

What are you like, @KeepingAnOpenMind? Grin

Thanks for joining Mumsnet to tell us all what you think we should be doing.
  • slow hand clap

(There's a Dadsnet you know, off you fuck)

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 18:02

[quote KeepingAnOpenMind]@ChargingBuck ‘Homesteading?’ Is this Little House on the Prairie 🤣
It’s sad there are so many triggered men on this thread who are outraged about having to put their hands in their pocket sometimes.[/quote]
‘Homesteading?’ Is this Little House on the Prairie
No @KeepingAnOpenMind, as I don't live in the US. Or on a prairie.
The homestead is up a remote UK mountain, & the bins get taken out without needing to ask a man to take responsibility for them. My car seems to respond quite nicely to being driven by a person in possession of XX chromosomes too.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 14/02/2022 18:08

@Natty13 But a man expecting his date to buy his dinner is no guarantee that he will pick up his wet towels or do any housework

MuffinStrops · 14/02/2022 18:09

This is 2022 . Women and men work full time. They have equal opportunities. A man is no longer a meal ticket.
If a woman accepts that a man pays for a meal on a first date, what is that saying? That the man is in charge, that the woman is in his debt. Think about it.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 14/02/2022 18:15

@ChargingBuck It’s interesting that you are pretending to be female to make your misogynistic points. Why not change your username to Charging Doe? It might make you and your ‘homestead’ more convincing 🤪

Lorddenning1 · 14/02/2022 19:15

Talk about massively derailing a good thread!!!
Start your own thread about men/women paying for dinner, fucking rude!

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 19:17

[quote KeepingAnOpenMind]@ChargingBuck It’s interesting that you are pretending to be female to make your misogynistic points. Why not change your username to Charging Doe? It might make you and your ‘homestead’ more convincing 🤪[/quote]
@KeepingAnOpenMind - it's interesting you think I'm pretending.

Why not do an advanced search on my posts, & have another little think?

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 19:18

Also - wot misogyny? I'd be pleased to answer the charge if you can cite evidence ...

sammylady37 · 14/02/2022 19:33

Oh ffs. Accusing a poster of being a man just because they challenge the ‘men should pay’ narrative is such a ridiculous response. Can those posters not have a proper discussion about the merits of their opinion, and is that why they resort to the it’s not a forum for men argument?

valentineschocolate · 14/02/2022 19:40

I've had some very bad dates but I've also been a bad date. I'm afraid I talked about my ex who I was furious with for about 10 minutes. I had to send an apologetic text the next day. Lovely guy to listen to me but no chemistry.

I couldn't give a monkeys if a man doesn't pay for me or not. I would never assume that a man would pay and always offer to go halves or pay on the second date if he asks me to meet up again. If he does pay for me it's a nice treat.

ChargingBuck · 14/02/2022 20:09

Thank you @sammylady37.

I'm still puzzling out how disagreeing that "men should pay" is misogyny, but not doubt the PP will explain. Wink

MillieMoonbeam · 14/02/2022 20:26

I was in the middle of a messy divorce. A work colleague asked me to go for a drink with him after work. In desperate need of adult conversation (and because I knew the guy had been divorced for a number of years) was chatty and always good company, I accepted.

We had a lovely evening, until he told me that when we get married we need to buy a house with two extra bedrooms as he had weekend contact with his daughters. His daughters were 24 and 21! The 24 year old had a 2 year old dc and was living with her baby’s dad. The 21 year old was living away in university but colleague needed a bedroom for her as he was “jealous” of her meeting a partner and wanted her to know she was welcome to live with him until the day he died. All he spoke about all evening was how much he loves his daughters. He recounted every minute from the day they were born until present time, and actually cried when he got to the part of his dear daughter having a baby with some “scrote” (that she was still in a relationship with) and that no woman would ever come between him and his girls 😳

It was only an after work drink with a colleague that I thought would cheer me up. The furthest thing from my mind was a relationship (never mind marriage! 😱).

He drove me home and suggested coffee. NO thank you. Just NO!!

The following Monday was a bit … erm.. difficult in work. He moved to a different dept within a few weeks. I saw him from time time passing through the office but haven’t spoken to him since. That was over 20 years ago. I often wonder if his daughters have managed to remove the ball and chain….Or if he found a woman who was delighted to take a back seat

Landlordworries · 14/02/2022 20:29

Youre permitted to start a thread inspired by something written on another. A TAAT is literally that, if you began a thread to discuss THIS thread. You wouldn't, you'd be starting a thread on another topic
Stop with the derailing!