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Original poster

First date nightmares tell me yours..

289 replies

Oakleaf40 · 11/02/2022 15:32

So first date after talking to this guy for a while...

I absolutely hated it.. He is such a nice guy but all he did was talk about his Ex... and his food manners were shocking. Talking with his mouth open, using his hands to move food yuck!! rude to the waiter... was such a shame .. Tell me yours..

OP posts:
buddylicious · 12/02/2022 12:51

@waterSpider

There is no gender pay gap, for those under 40 and without children who are in full-time employment. So says ONS: www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours/bulletins/genderpaygapintheuk/2019

Absolutely there are for those with children ... but that's not all daters.

For those concerned with inequality, maybe those women pay for dates when the man is from an ethnic minority or have a disability?

What the hell does that last paragraph mean?

Journeynotdestination · 12/02/2022 13:17

There are always a couple of posters derailing a fun thread with their pulling apart other women for their comments. Here it’s them doing it about equality. I wish you’d bog off and start your own thread about equality and meals out. It’s so boring to hear you go on and on in perpetuity on here about it. The nuances of other peoples age, experience, upbringing, etc etc in my view void you from commenting on posters personal decisions. It’s like a feminist bigotry.

Please god, just start your OWN thread!!

SalsaLove · 12/02/2022 13:23

My first date with my now husband I offered to go halves and he said why don’t you get lunch tomorrow? I liked that because it was a clever way to secure the second date while letting him be traditional.

SalsaLove · 12/02/2022 13:27

Anyway, worst dates. I’d arranged to meet this man in the car park and then we’d walk to the shopping area to figure out which restaurant to go to. He says almost immediately, “Do you like (insert extremely derogatory word for Chinese people) food?” I stopped and said “I cant believe you just said that.” Rolled my eyes and walked back to my car.

DillonPanthersTexas · 12/02/2022 13:28

Again, the arrogance displayed by coming to a predominantly female site and thinking women need to ‘justify’ themselves to you is astonishing. And considerably more steeped in misogyny and patriarchal leanings than paying for dinner. So, just don’t be surprised when people react negatively to your patronising mansplaining. We rather frown on that sort of thing these days.

Wow So me having a different opinion to you as to who pays on a date is now 'mansplaining' , 'misogny' and 'having patriarchal leanings'. I shall be polite and just call your analysis flawed. As I have said, this subject comes up frequently here and there are plenty of women as you can see on this thread who prefer to go Dutch on dates, it's not a minority view these days

Also, there are plenty of men who post here, I found this site when I was researching IVF treatment years ago. It was a great resource and very supportive. I then also ran down the rabbit hole that is the chat boards.

Oldh · 12/02/2022 13:39

@Journeynotdestination

There are always a couple of posters derailing a fun thread with their pulling apart other women for their comments. Here it’s them doing it about equality. I wish you’d bog off and start your own thread about equality and meals out. It’s so boring to hear you go on and on in perpetuity on here about it. The nuances of other peoples age, experience, upbringing, etc etc in my view void you from commenting on posters personal decisions. It’s like a feminist bigotry.

Please god, just start your OWN thread!!

Well said. So many good threads get spoiled this way. Dementors be gone!
Bluecatsalltheway · 12/02/2022 13:43

I went for coffee with a bloke who spend the entire time telling me about his Ex , what went wrong etc..
We were sitting in the coffee shop window and she walked past.
He said he wanted to see her reaction..
Another time many many years ago I fancied this other bloke I knew from a club.
His name was Michael.
Hahaha actually both were called Michael- I just released!
We met in the town square- I waited for him for about 30 mins ( no mobiles phones then) I remember using half bottle of my Exclamation perfume on that day! It was in the mid of 90s.
He finally turned up only to kept asking me the entire time about my best friend who he must obviously fancied.
I remember feeling so disappointed..
In the end I remember she went out with him and dated him for a few weeks- he was very controlling and fussy, she said he even examined her skin for cellulite as he apparently wanted to have an perfect model type girlfriend!
What an idiot!

Frigginintheriggin · 12/02/2022 13:59

A first date told me he had never been 'charged ' with any crime but had been arrested and questioned after a previous first date had collapsed in a nightclub having been spiked with rohypnol. He said 'they couldn't prove it was me' 😱
I was already leaving before that final comment.
Some people are seriously strange.

GreyTS · 12/02/2022 15:23

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Migrainesbythedozen · 12/02/2022 15:36

Seriously will some of you stop attacking and bullying DillonPanthersTexas ? It's gone on long enough. I am a woman and agree with him 100, no, 1000%, and there are other women on this thread that do too, @GreyTS . He wasn't the first to bring up bill paying, he merely responded to a poster that did. Women being raped have nothing to do with who pays bills so just stop it!

EarthSight · 12/02/2022 15:47

@StormBaby

Went on a midweek date with someone I’d met online, we’d been chatting for a while and he seemed awesome, bit edgy, in a rock band, very talented guitarist, day job as a retail area manager.

Within 20 minutes of our date starting he’d called his dealer to order two grams of cocaine to be delivered to the pub. Turns out he does that A DAY. 🙈 I stayed because actually, I had a good time, but there was no way I’d have a second date with a habitual drug user. He messaged me a few times trying to see me, but I met my now-DH soon afterwards.

About six months later he messaged me with “Are you still with that guy? Yes?…oh thats a shame”.

Then he sent me a dick pic. 🙄

Oh my God @StormBaby XD

Can't imagine.That shows how normalised this behaviour was to him.....ooh, shall we order a bit of coke to go with our beer and salad?

HollowTalk · 12/02/2022 15:55

But why not just go for coffee and it doesn't matter who pays? If I go with a friend for a cup of coffee then one of us will treat the other and it means absolutely nothing at all because it's so cheap.

Sweetlikejollof · 12/02/2022 16:25

@DillonPanthersTexas

Again, the arrogance displayed by coming to a predominantly female site and thinking women need to ‘justify’ themselves to you is astonishing. And considerably more steeped in misogyny and patriarchal leanings than paying for dinner. So, just don’t be surprised when people react negatively to your patronising mansplaining. We rather frown on that sort of thing these days.

Wow So me having a different opinion to you as to who pays on a date is now 'mansplaining' , 'misogny' and 'having patriarchal leanings'. I shall be polite and just call your analysis flawed. As I have said, this subject comes up frequently here and there are plenty of women as you can see on this thread who prefer to go Dutch on dates, it's not a minority view these days

Also, there are plenty of men who post here, I found this site when I was researching IVF treatment years ago. It was a great resource and very supportive. I then also ran down the rabbit hole that is the chat boards.

‘Having a different opinion’ isn’t misogyny or mansplaining. But that’s not what you’re doing, is it? As clearly stated in the part of my comment that you chose not to quote.

Once again, staggering disingenuousness. And, yes, there are men who post here. That does not change the fact that it’s a predominantly female site. To which you have come and expected women to ‘justify’ themselves to you. Which is what I said.

If you were polite, we wouldn’t even be having this exchange. You aren’t, so we are.

Sweetlikejollof · 12/02/2022 16:34

@Migrainesbythedozen

Seriously will some of you stop attacking and bullying DillonPanthersTexas ? It's gone on long enough. I am a woman and agree with him 100, no, 1000%, and there are other women on this thread that do too, *@GreyTS* . He wasn't the first to bring up bill paying, he merely responded to a poster that did. Women being raped have nothing to do with who pays bills so just stop it!
You agree with him and we don’t.

He’s not being bullied. He responded to us and we responded to him. The right to response or an opinion does not only exist for people with whom you agree. If a man tells me to ‘keep reaching’ and thinks I need to justify myself to him, I’m not required to be warm and cuddly about it.

MrsBerthaRochester · 12/02/2022 16:42

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DiscoStusMoonboots · 12/02/2022 16:44

Went to M&S with a date 10 or so years ago to pick up some gin and tonics to drink in a local park. He was grabbed by security guards and the police were called as he had been shoplifting his lunch from there on/off for a number of weeks.

When I ignored his texts asking for another date, he told our few mutual friends that I was a 'weird slag'.

He was 26 at the time.

2pinkginsplease · 12/02/2022 16:53

Worst date happened after a drunken night out where I met this guy, he asked me out the next night and He said he would pick me up. I couldn’t remember what he looked like but he picked me up, he seemed ok, took us to the cinema and when I got out the car he was about 6inches shorter than me (which is a huge turn off for me) he didn’t talk much apart from about himself and then hounded me for weeks after I said I didn’t want to see him again.

FairyLightQueen · 12/02/2022 17:32

Oh HONESTLY I'm a feminist as much as the next lesbian but was there need to derail a fun thread? Come on.

Some people think the man should pay. Whatever. As a lesbian I think someone should probably pay the whole bill (usually me). It's not a big bloody deal on a thread that is meant to be lighthearted. Take it somewhere else.

SalsaLove · 12/02/2022 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Goatinthegarden · 12/02/2022 17:33

@sassbott I think you’ve completely misinterpreted what I said. To me, offering to pay is a sign that you have enjoyed the company and would like to continue seeing one another. My friends and I often take turns to pick up the tab when we go out. I said if a man enjoyed the date then it would be polite to offer to pay. I said if I didn’t enjoy the date, I would split the bill. I would assume if he wanted to split the bill, he didn’t want to see me again, because, as I said, if I enjoyed the date and allowed him to pay, I would ensure that I reciprocated by paying the next time. I wouldn’t mind if it was the other way around and I paid first and they reciprocated the next time - however, in my experience dates have preferred to pay the first time and for me to reciprocate on date two.

If someone is going on four successive dates in a week (I don’t know anyone who fits that many in), then I would assume both parties are not be expecting to meet one another again, so would agree to split the bill. They probably would be going out for drinks instead of four meals in a week and so it would seem more normal to take turns buying rounds anyway. I haven’t dated for over a decade so maybe I’m out of touch.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I would assume if the man didn’t enjoy the date, he would just split the bill. To me, offering to pay is a statement that you’d like to see one another again.

AnotherSillawithanS · 12/02/2022 17:42

Feel embarrassed for the women on this thread who expect the man to pay and moan that they didn't when they didn't offer to pay themselves.
Piss takers.

sassbott · 12/02/2022 17:57

@Goatinthegarden my apologies. Sorry I misread the nuances of your post.

And yes. Plenty of my friends are fitting in that many dates. I live vicariously via them. Grin.

Oh and there’s some corker first date stories too.

Scout2016 · 12/02/2022 18:25

We met up and then I waited outside a couple of places (pub, newsagent) while he went in and flogged some presumably knock off jeans before we went to see a Vinnie Jones film. Mean Machine I think. Then a pub, in which he disappeared and left me sat there like a pillock for ages while he "went to make a phone call". Ashamed to say that while I'd like to think I just left after a while, I'm not 100% sure I did.
Turned out it was true that he was mixed up in dubious stuff, including smack...which explains why one of my friends had called him Smackhead #$%.
Even more ashamed to say that wasn't our last "date". He did seem to have absolutely no interest in getting me into bed though, which made a nice change.

It was 20 years ago BTW, before anyone tells me I need to sort myself out!

Witchinthedales · 12/02/2022 22:53

@Journeynotdestination

There are always a couple of posters derailing a fun thread with their pulling apart other women for their comments. Here it’s them doing it about equality. I wish you’d bog off and start your own thread about equality and meals out. It’s so boring to hear you go on and on in perpetuity on here about it. The nuances of other peoples age, experience, upbringing, etc etc in my view void you from commenting on posters personal decisions. It’s like a feminist bigotry.

Please god, just start your OWN thread!!

This ☝️
Landlordworries · 13/02/2022 00:10

@FairyLightQueen

Oh HONESTLY I'm a feminist as much as the next lesbian but was there need to derail a fun thread? Come on.

Some people think the man should pay. Whatever. As a lesbian I think someone should probably pay the whole bill (usually me). It's not a big bloody deal on a thread that is meant to be lighthearted. Take it somewhere else.

Totally agree, stop derailing-if you want to discuss that, take it elsewhere. I've ignored it until now but if I am reading a lighthearted and largely amusing thread it just spoils it and obviously others agree.

Fairylightqueen lesbian wave (is there one Grin, if not there should be) Wink