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Original poster

First date nightmares tell me yours..

289 replies

Oakleaf40 · 11/02/2022 15:32

So first date after talking to this guy for a while...

I absolutely hated it.. He is such a nice guy but all he did was talk about his Ex... and his food manners were shocking. Talking with his mouth open, using his hands to move food yuck!! rude to the waiter... was such a shame .. Tell me yours..

OP posts:
Wafflesnsniffles · 13/02/2022 00:28

I was set up on a blind date by friends of his. They were convinced we would get on well. He talked about fire engines all evening. Not a match at all!

SukiPook · 13/02/2022 00:50

@Nailsbythesea

I met a guy for a first date from my church. His parents were god fearing evangelicals and he walked me back to their house where I had parked my car on the drive (he lived at home at 25!). He was good looking and nice and date was fine - so we had a snog on the doorstep - and he came loudly during the kiss and well made rather large noises ‘oh my god oh my god oh my god I’m coming right now’ very very loudly - and I was only kidding him. At which point the front door opened and his father started screaming about how I was the devil corrupting his son etc I didn’t say a word I got in my car and left
😂
ClareBlue · 13/02/2022 01:04

@Nailsbythesea

Kissing him not kidding him!
How do you kiss That's pretty awesome kissing by anyone's standards
BasicDad · 13/02/2022 01:48

Been punched three times while out on first dates. Serious mental health issues and drinking too much/quickly are the other prime candidates. And that's just the PG13 nightmares.

If I ever end up single again (please no), I think I'll only meet mutual contacts or use an agency that vets people. I'm assuming they exist...or maybe I'm watching too much of celebs go dating 😄

user1481840227 · 13/02/2022 01:55

@MyBottleOfRibena

Even if you found a post mortem interesting would you not think the person was unprofessional and that it was morally wrong?

dipdye · 13/02/2022 01:57

Man needs to pay on first date. Non negotiable for me too.

ClareBlue · 13/02/2022 02:08

Do these people that act so weird eventually find a partner. Some of the behaviour is disturbing but some of it is like they genuinely have absolutely no idea.
Does it suddenly click that not everyone loves fire engines or their ex as much as they do. Or do they just remain single.

Laufeythejust · 13/02/2022 02:10

I arrived and found that he had used a picture about 10 years old. I was 19 and he was at least 30 (he had told me he was 23). He had in those 10 years lost his hair but had gelled 3 clumps of hair across his head to try and hide it. He then asked me if I was on the date for a joke and kept persistently asking, as though it was me that had lied on their profile. It’s the only time I have ever not offered to pay the bill.

petridishmystery · 13/02/2022 02:38

I haven’t had many bad dates but I’ve not had many dates at all, I’ve not had much luck with dating!

The most recent one was in the summer, we’d been chatting and getting on well then the day before the date he said oh by the way, my hair is a lot longer than in my pics. To me that was an instant red flag, his hair was short in the pics so to me a “lot” longer seemed like they’d be a good two or three years old.

Sure enough he turned up longer hair, probably about 5 years older and 5 stone more than his pictures. Thing is I don’t mind bigger guys, I’m bigger myself (altho he was at the top end of what I personally tend to find attractive) it’s more the starting things off with a lie. I was picturing someone totally different and I don’t appreciate the dishonesty, it’s not a good way to start things off. He also had a very bad skin condition (I guess dry skin, sort of looked like his elbows and hands were covered in barnacles) which I found very off putting. Had a nice enough time at the actual date but no desire to see him again. Showed my friend the pics and she knows him and was shocked he was using them, I should have showed her beforehand!

Also met up with a guy a couple of years ago who showed up and his pictures were clearly ten years old, it was just a hook up tho so I was like meh, then last year saw him back on online dating but this time with his real age and name…

Landlordworries · 13/02/2022 03:10

I went on an accidental date once. Sort of.

Mutual friend introduced me to this dude as he was a computer geek and my laptop was playing up. He came to my house to collect it and then mesgd me some days later to say it was fixed. I said great, are you dropping it off and he said no, not convenient, can I meet him in (nearest town).
Sure, I assumed I'd just pull up somewhere, give him the £ and get the laptop. Nope. He wanted to meet in a a little cafe that specialised in speciality teas and wanky unusual toasties and the like.

Bit annoying. He wanted to meet around lunchtime and I work nights, it would mean getting up after just a couple of hours sleep and having to traipse into town, and I now had to find a parking space or take a long walk into town that I didn't fancy in the rain carrying a laptop on the way back. But whatever, I was grateful he'd fixed it for a decent price.

Got into the shop, ordered my overpriced beverage and sat down. He had the laptop on the table and spent ages talking me thru what he'd done with it. I didn't care to be honest, as long as it now worked. A waiter came over to ask if we wanted anything to eat.

Computer guy begins asking after a certain waitress who apparently worked there and waiter told him she wasn't in. Normalish I suppose. Computer guy orders something, I forget what and when asked what he wants in/on it said 'Oh does it come with XX?Nom nom nom yes please! Can you put X on it? YES?!Om nom nom...' and this saga continued for several minutes.

I tried to smile and act unaffected but I was cringing, just odd, behaviour and a bit cringy-I'd come to complete a business transaction as far as I were concerned!

Anyway when waiter had left the scene computer guy looks very disappointed, almost like he is going to cry. I asked was he okay?
'I'm fine yes I just expected Mildred to be in today, she usually is on a Tuesday'.
'Ah I am sure you can catch her again sometime'

'But you won't be here then!'

'Me?Why do you need me with you?'

(Bear in mind I hardly knew him)!

Anyway I went home, extremely tired and went to bed not thinking much of it.

After a chat with mutual friends some weeks later, I learned that not only had he wanted to chat up this waitress, he wanted her to think I was his girlfiend and so become jealous, and agree to a date with him if he did the whole sneaky slipping of his number while I had gone to the loo/had my back turned. He thought this 'bad guy' thing would be a real turn on for her and was gutted it hadn't panned out as planned.

Honestly I think she had a very lucky escape.

Lachimolala · 13/02/2022 10:39

@DillonPanthersTexas

Again, the arrogance displayed by coming to a predominantly female site and thinking women need to ‘justify’ themselves to you is astonishing. And considerably more steeped in misogyny and patriarchal leanings than paying for dinner. So, just don’t be surprised when people react negatively to your patronising mansplaining. We rather frown on that sort of thing these days.

Wow So me having a different opinion to you as to who pays on a date is now 'mansplaining' , 'misogny' and 'having patriarchal leanings'. I shall be polite and just call your analysis flawed. As I have said, this subject comes up frequently here and there are plenty of women as you can see on this thread who prefer to go Dutch on dates, it's not a minority view these days

Also, there are plenty of men who post here, I found this site when I was researching IVF treatment years ago. It was a great resource and very supportive. I then also ran down the rabbit hole that is the chat boards.

Will you bore off you absolute fun sponge. Start your own thread if you’re so passionate about this subject.
Comedycook · 13/02/2022 12:04

Do these people that act so weird eventually find a partner. Some of the behaviour is disturbing but some of it is like they genuinely have absolutely no idea
Does it suddenly click that not everyone loves fire engines or their ex as much as they do. Or do they just remain single.

At the risk of being flamed, am I the only one who thinks some of these people are not NT? I'm not talking about the men who cross boundaries or are sleazy or downright rude, but the guy who talked non stop about fire engines? Perhaps he was somewhere on the spectrum? I'm not sure just denouncing them as 'weird' is the right response.

Saysama · 13/02/2022 12:10

@Comedycook What would you consider to be ‘the right response’?

Whether or not these men are NT, it’s not the responsibility of the women they go on dates with to put up with behaviour that makes them uncomfortable. People have shared some pretty horrific stories on this thread. I don’t consider you turning up with a hatful of whataboutery and ‘but neurodivergence!’ to be an acceptable or appropriate response to that. As we’re sharing our thoughts on responses.

Comedycook · 13/02/2022 12:14

[quote Saysama]@Comedycook What would you consider to be ‘the right response’?

Whether or not these men are NT, it’s not the responsibility of the women they go on dates with to put up with behaviour that makes them uncomfortable. People have shared some pretty horrific stories on this thread. I don’t consider you turning up with a hatful of whataboutery and ‘but neurodivergence!’ to be an acceptable or appropriate response to that. As we’re sharing our thoughts on responses.[/quote]
I'm not talking about the horrific stories. I'm talking about incidents like the guy who spoke non stop about fire engines. Or the dates where there is very little conversation yet they think it went amazingly well.

Saysama · 13/02/2022 12:19

@Comedycook It doesn’t matter what they are doing or why, it’s still not the woman’s problem or responsibility to deal with it.

And you haven’t answered. Please share what you would consider to be ‘the right response’. You came to a pretty long thread to inform us what response wasn’t ‘right’, according to you. So, tell us the response that is.

Saysama · 13/02/2022 12:22

Also, you don’t get to decide which dates qualify as horrific and which are ‘just a man on the spectrum’.

Comedycook · 13/02/2022 12:24

[quote Saysama]@Comedycook It doesn’t matter what they are doing or why, it’s still not the woman’s problem or responsibility to deal with it.

And you haven’t answered. Please share what you would consider to be ‘the right response’. You came to a pretty long thread to inform us what response wasn’t ‘right’, according to you. So, tell us the response that is.[/quote]
The right response is to not see them again if you don't want to.

Being frightening, sleazy, crossing boundaries or being downright rude is not what I'm talking about.

Saysama · 13/02/2022 12:31

@Comedycook The right response is to not see them again if you don't want to.

Which is what all these women have done. Because they found their behaviour to be weird. Whether or not the men in question were NT is irrelevant to that.

Being frightening, sleazy, crossing boundaries or being downright rude is not what I'm talking about.

I have addressed this thrice. As you keep ignoring that and repeating yourself, I’ll repeat myself as well:

  • You don’t get to decide which dates qualify as horrific and which are ‘just a man on the spectrum’.
  • It doesn’t matter what they are doing or why, it’s still not the woman’s problem or responsibility to deal with it.
  • Whether or not these men are NT, it’s not the responsibility of the women they go on dates with to put up with behaviour that makes them uncomfortable.

You came here to virtue signal, seen to have a basic inability to read and engage with what’s being said to you and don’t have an actual point.

Comedycook · 13/02/2022 12:35

You sound determined to find fault with what I said. It's was merely an observation that someone who talks non stop on a date about fire engines might not be NT. Confused.

Whether or not these men are NT, it’s not the responsibility of the women they go on dates with to put up with behaviour that makes them uncomfortable

I never said it was.

Saysama · 13/02/2022 12:44

@Comedycook You made a clearly problematic comment and I told you how and why it was problematic. It was pretty straightforward. No determination was required.

You ‘made an observation’ as to whether others’ responses were ‘right’. I did the exact same to you. Oddly enough, you don’t seem to like that very much.

Your inability to engage with what’s been said to you is comical, at this point.

Comedycook · 13/02/2022 12:49

I was responding to this comment...

Do these people that act so weird eventually find a partner. Some of the behaviour is disturbing but some of it is like they genuinely have absolutely no idea
Does it suddenly click that not everyone loves fire engines

Saysama · 13/02/2022 12:54

Yes. And I responded to your comment. That’s generally how it works.

Lovemusic33 · 13/02/2022 13:01

I think I could write a book on bad dates 😬

One guy turned up, looked nothing like his photos, told me he was a paramedic when in fact he had volunteered for St. John’s ambulance a few times and was unemployed, he was much older than his photos and much heavier. I was polite, had a coffee with him and went for a short walk then said I had to go home. He walked me back to my car, I said goodbye and then suddenly he pinned my up against my car and stuck his tongue down my throat 🤢.

Another similar date…again nothing like his photo, really boring, just talked about his work non stops, tried to snog me and kept touching my leg. Told him I didn’t want a 2nd date and he got really nasty and stalked me for months.

Then there was one that I met up with, he came by train because he didn’t drive, he turned up drunk at 10am, Apparently the reason why he doesn’t drive is because he done for drinking and driving.

Lovemusic33 · 13/02/2022 13:03

I have had several dates with people on the spectrum (my dc are both autistic so I can spot the traits). One was running late and I spent the rest of the date calming him down.

HyacynthBucket · 13/02/2022 13:19

Sweetlikejollof
I love that you did the great thing each time a first date was clearly a no-hoper and left. We were all so programmed to be polite and sweet and smile, no matter what, and put up with intolerable, rude or insensitive behaviour. I really hand it to you that you did not waste your time further. Have the same thing myself once or twice.