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Original poster

Found HIV testing kit in hubby’s bag!

456 replies

PocketRocket81 · 09/02/2022 11:14

Ok, so DH has been a little withdrawn for several weeks. Not sure what came over me but decided to have a nose through his work hold-all. I’ve come across an unopened HIV kit. What the hell is going on? How do I approach him when he’s home later today?

OP posts:
PeakyBlender · 09/02/2022 21:22

He's a dodgy fucker. Keep pressing.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/02/2022 21:24

@PocketRocket81

He’s home. Silent treatment. I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him. He’s since said it’s for a health anxiety that he’s embarrassed about and ‘why should he give me his phone’ and zonked off to the bath. I’m sat here unsure what to believe and actually can’t believe I’ve let him get in the bath tbh.
You know he has spent the time away combing through his phone to "clean it up" right?

And now he has a different reason for the kit?

And he has priors.

In your shoes I wouldn't even need confirmation. He needs to go.

affairsofdragons · 09/02/2022 21:26

@PocketRocket81

He’s home. Silent treatment. I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him. He’s since said it’s for a health anxiety that he’s embarrassed about and ‘why should he give me his phone’ and zonked off to the bath. I’m sat here unsure what to believe and actually can’t believe I’ve let him get in the bath tbh.
Bollocks to that!

As you said, you've both been tested for everything because of his previous failure to keep his penis out of another woman. So if he has any concerns now, it can only be because he's been at it again ... or shooting up.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2022 21:27

@dogmandu

I guess you're in the 'I know something's wrong which could possibly have a massive effect on me, but I know he won't tell me about it' , so I'll just wait and let the disaster fall about my head without being able to do anything to stop it.' camp. At least you can wave your 'look at how good am I flag'.

I honestly have no idea what you're going on about.

BuddhaForMary · 09/02/2022 21:30

As you said, you've both been tested for everything because of his previous failure to keep his penis out of another woman.

No, OP said they'd been tested for STIs. That doesn't automatically mean it included HIV.

Wrongkindofovercoat · 09/02/2022 21:30

HIV is not a ‘gay’ disease, so why have you assumed OP’s hubbie has been having a sexual relationship with another man?

There are plenty of men who have sex with men who do not identify as being gay, who also have wives and girlfriends.

Nocutenamesleft · 09/02/2022 21:33

@SamphiretheStickerist

Well I must say thank you. You weren’t rude about it. I’ve had some right pillocks on here recently.

I’ve caught up. But even so. It could be a prank. Though I do always say follow your gut.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2022 21:33

The change of story is telling. He's not a very good liar, is he?

If one had a health 'anxiety' wouldn't one normally have spoken to one's trusted and loving partner/spouse for reassurance? I know when I've been worried about a disease, a lump, or a 'mysterious' spot my DH is the first person I run to to calm my fears.

But if someone had cheated and was worried about an HIV infection because they'd had unprotected sex their partner/spouse would probably be the last person they told. And then, only if they were forced to by the result.

Good luck OP, you have some hard decisions to make up ahead.

dogmandu · 09/02/2022 21:34

basically that it is a greater sin to try to find out information that might have massive negative effect on you than to 'snoop' in order to protect yourself. Not even sure if that's clear either.

newbiename · 09/02/2022 21:34

@WildfirePonie

Has he had the jab for covid?
Why? Does it make you have HIV ?
Againstmachine · 09/02/2022 21:35

It’s HIV testing week, our employer has arranged for everyone to be sent a kit at home, including those of us on leave.

If my employer behaved like that there would be serious grievances raised.

newbiename · 09/02/2022 21:36

@KeepingAnOpenMind

Isn’t it something to do with the jab?
Confusedsuch as ? Does 'the jab' (?Covid) make you HIV positive?
M0RVEN · 09/02/2022 21:36

@loveliesbleeding1

Why aren’t you asking him? I can never understand why people come on a forum and ask advice on something nobody but the man in question can actually answer.
Because some people like to think things through first, work out how they feel, chat to someone who is not involved.

Some people like to think first, then act. That’s not hard to grasp.

DuckDuckNo · 09/02/2022 21:38

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

I don't get why people are asking if he had had covid jab? Is this some new conspiracy theory I've not heard of yet?
The Q crazies have started a new rumor that the corona vaccination causes HIV. Because that's fucking logical. Hmm
3Daddy31982 · 09/02/2022 21:39

Op - I'd book a full blood ASAP. I'd also pack my bags and go to my Mother's.

DuckDuckNo · 09/02/2022 21:40

The change of story is telling. He's not a very good liar, is he?

Exactly. The test is for pranking me mate, uh because I have health anxiety. What?

declutteringmymind · 09/02/2022 21:42

Get yourself tested OP.

NoMoreFries · 09/02/2022 21:43

Trust your instinct. He'll gaslight you and pretend it's you acting up and that you're behaving like you don't trust him blah blah blah.

But he's got form and you sensed something, otherwise you wouldn't have looked. Trust that initial feeling.

I'm very sorry but it sounds like he's been up to no good and you need to break it off and walk away from this.

There's a chance, possibly a strong chance he's messing with your health and life. Walk away, he's a dodgy fucker.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/02/2022 21:45

He’s a liar and a cheat. Sorry OP.

Get tested and get those ducks in a row.Flowers

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 09/02/2022 21:49

Most are done postal currently

People are sending (potentially) contaminated blood through the post?

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 09/02/2022 21:55

@WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia

Most are done postal currently

People are sending (potentially) contaminated blood through the post?

The same way people are sending "potentially" infected covid samples through the post for PCR tests?

I'm sure there will be very strict procedures to reduce any potential risk same as with the PCRs

booplefloof · 09/02/2022 21:57

I would ask him if I needed to book an STI test for myself and carefully watch while he responded

PenelopeFloppyEars · 09/02/2022 21:58

First it was for a prank. Now it's for health anxiety. Not the sharpest tool in the box, eh.

Let's see what he has to say next. Hmm

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 09/02/2022 21:58

@WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia

Most are done postal currently

People are sending (potentially) contaminated blood through the post?

Yep, If you get one of the free STI kits there will be swab for women, a urine test for men and probably an HIV blood test, all posted
MissNothing1991 · 09/02/2022 22:01

@PocketRocket81

He’s home. Silent treatment. I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him. He’s since said it’s for a health anxiety that he’s embarrassed about and ‘why should he give me his phone’ and zonked off to the bath. I’m sat here unsure what to believe and actually can’t believe I’ve let him get in the bath tbh.
Whether you feel he is lying or not, you have no right to shout and scream at him. That is abusive. You also have no right to expect him to hand over his phone. It's his personal private property. If you don't trust him, that's on you, but your reaction isn't on.