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Original poster

Found HIV testing kit in hubby’s bag!

456 replies

PocketRocket81 · 09/02/2022 11:14

Ok, so DH has been a little withdrawn for several weeks. Not sure what came over me but decided to have a nose through his work hold-all. I’ve come across an unopened HIV kit. What the hell is going on? How do I approach him when he’s home later today?

OP posts:
Yeahthat · 09/02/2022 22:02

Instinct with this one tells me that he's shagging men. A PP pointed out the historic associations of the particular organisation he got the test through, and the fact that it's a strange channel to use - given that he could have got a similar test through Boots.

Get yourself fully tested.

Lemis · 09/02/2022 22:05

@MissNothing1991

Im not even going to bother with your post. Op ignore this rubbish

DuckDuckNo · 09/02/2022 22:06

Whether you feel he is lying or not, you have no right to shout and scream at him. That is abusive. You also have no right to expect him to hand over his phone. It's his personal private property. If you don't trust him, that's on you, but your reaction isn't on.

The cool wife competition is that way ->

PeachyPeachTrees · 09/02/2022 22:07

Is he out the bath yet? Have you been able to get a straight answer out of him?

Cayandsimit · 09/02/2022 22:18

Do you have a way of tracking his spendings? If you can prove that he purchased an HIV kit, I am pretty sure it is a valid reason for a good amount of divorce settlement.

Cayandsimit · 09/02/2022 22:19

Check his Amazon account as well☝️

okthx · 09/02/2022 22:23

@HaveringWavering
Don’t know what you mean exactly. Was I anxious that he’s unfaithful? Or for his health?
Health anxiety and anxiety in general is not something that follows any kind of logic. If you suffered with anxiety, you’d know. Now when I’m not anxious anymore, I know it was quite a random fear.

user937748921 · 09/02/2022 22:33

[quote GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]@dogmandu

I guess you're in the 'I know something's wrong which could possibly have a massive effect on me, but I know he won't tell me about it' , so I'll just wait and let the disaster fall about my head without being able to do anything to stop it.' camp. At least you can wave your 'look at how good am I flag'.

I honestly have no idea what you're going on about.[/quote]
Yep I imagine you wouldn’t as maybe you like to stay oblivious to stuff. Well you do you but please stop suggesting that others shouldn’t take care of themselves or it’s bad if they don’t want to stay ignorant.

HaveringWavering · 09/02/2022 22:34

[quote okthx]@HaveringWavering
Don’t know what you mean exactly. Was I anxious that he’s unfaithful? Or for his health?
Health anxiety and anxiety in general is not something that follows any kind of logic. If you suffered with anxiety, you’d know. Now when I’m not anxious anymore, I know it was quite a random fear.[/quote]
I mean if you thought you had got HIV from a manicure were you not also worried you had given it to your husband?

user937748921 · 09/02/2022 22:34

@MissNothing1991 and you have no right to tell others how to behave when they haven’t really done anything wrong.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/02/2022 22:40

Doesn't look good OP, sorry.
Acting strange for a few weeks
Previous form for cheating
Previous form for STI tests as a result of cheating
Lied about a 'prank'
Lied about health anxiety (?)
Refusal to show you his phone (which I think given he has cheated before, someone with nothing to hide would be perfectly fine showing it to try to reassure you)

One or two of those things then maybe you're jumping the gun but all of them together...I dont think you need much more proof

Strawberry33 · 09/02/2022 22:43

People saying you do t order one for no reason are wrong. Anyone can get HIV at anytime. I recently took one because it was free and I thought it was about time I did one. You can be in a completely seemingly great relationship and they can cheat and give it to you. More people should take these tests randomly. Everyone should know their status. Thank god when I ordered one that wasn’t the attitude of my partner.

MsDogLady · 09/02/2022 23:00

PocketRocket, his lying, refusing phone access, walking out, and now stonewalling are unacceptable. They show his sense of entitlement, lack of respect for you, and detachment from the marriage. Honesty and fairness are not priorities for him.

As he works away and trust is key, moving forward with mistrust would be untenable for me.

Alondra · 09/02/2022 23:01

OP,

I've googled Terrence Higgins Trust and quote from their home page

We're the UK's leading HIV and sexual health charity. We support people living with HIV and amplify their voices, and help the people using our services to achieve good sexual health

Most men will not approach this type of organisation to get a free or low cost HIV test without a reason. If he has cheated without protection it could be the cause of the anxiety and why he wanted the test.

Please, get yourself tested asap, tell him you are going to get tested because you don't trust his explantation or reaction. I would pack my bags if he can't give you a logical explanation as to why he had that test in his bag.

Don't play russian roulete with your health, it's your life

Yeahthat · 09/02/2022 23:02

@Strawberry33

People saying you do t order one for no reason are wrong. Anyone can get HIV at anytime. I recently took one because it was free and I thought it was about time I did one. You can be in a completely seemingly great relationship and they can cheat and give it to you. More people should take these tests randomly. Everyone should know their status. Thank god when I ordered one that wasn’t the attitude of my partner.
You must realise that your attitude is atypical?

"Not much on this afternoon. Think I'll go for an HIV test."

I'd be baffled if my partner did this. Added to the rest (history of infidelity, secrecy around doing the test, changing explanations etc) - it's very, very suspicious.

Nowayoutonlydown · 09/02/2022 23:04

[quote okthx]@HaveringWavering
Don’t know what you mean exactly. Was I anxious that he’s unfaithful? Or for his health?
Health anxiety and anxiety in general is not something that follows any kind of logic. If you suffered with anxiety, you’d know. Now when I’m not anxious anymore, I know it was quite a random fear.[/quote]
I agree with this.
I remember when I was 19 I had terrible health anxiety, I still do but at this particular time I ruminated on the concern of having HIV. I had a boyfriend for a while who was a police officer, we had only ever had protected sex, but I remember messaging and asking if he could tell me his results... he was a bit Hmm but that evening he came to me and we had a chat, he was really good about it, he realised it was anxiety driven and offered to go to the Dr's with me, and even for a test with me if I was concerned. Truth was I had no real reason to be concerned, I'd always been very careful but my anxiety meant that I was looking for reassurance.

Not all people are the same, but surely if married and concerned you have HIV you'd speak to your spouse unless part of the concern was getting it whilst you were cheating on them.

Yeahthat · 09/02/2022 23:04

@Alondra

OP,

I've googled Terrence Higgins Trust and quote from their home page

We're the UK's leading HIV and sexual health charity. We support people living with HIV and amplify their voices, and help the people using our services to achieve good sexual health

Most men will not approach this type of organisation to get a free or low cost HIV test without a reason. If he has cheated without protection it could be the cause of the anxiety and why he wanted the test.

Please, get yourself tested asap, tell him you are going to get tested because you don't trust his explantation or reaction. I would pack my bags if he can't give you a logical explanation as to why he had that test in his bag.

Don't play russian roulete with your health, it's your life

I'd also add that most straight men (rightly or wrongly) don't perceive themselves to be at high risk of HIV when having unprotected sex. Another reason I suspect that he may be having sex with men.
HubbaBubbaBubbaloo · 09/02/2022 23:08

@Strawberry33

People saying you do t order one for no reason are wrong. Anyone can get HIV at anytime. I recently took one because it was free and I thought it was about time I did one. You can be in a completely seemingly great relationship and they can cheat and give it to you. More people should take these tests randomly. Everyone should know their status. Thank god when I ordered one that wasn’t the attitude of my partner.
Did you tell your partner why or make up two different lies?
Jk24 · 09/02/2022 23:11

Please book a test op

Alondra · 09/02/2022 23:11

@Strawberry33

People saying you do t order one for no reason are wrong. Anyone can get HIV at anytime. I recently took one because it was free and I thought it was about time I did one. You can be in a completely seemingly great relationship and they can cheat and give it to you. More people should take these tests randomly. Everyone should know their status. Thank god when I ordered one that wasn’t the attitude of my partner.
No, I'm sorry, anyone can't get HIV at anytime. HIV is transmitted by body fluids - to quote from the WHO....

HIV can be transmitted via the exchange of a variety of body fluids from infected people, such as blood, breast milk, semen and vaginal secretions. HIV can also be transmitted from a mother to her child during pregnancy and delivery. Individuals cannot become infected through ordinary day-to-day contact such as kissing, hugging, shaking hands, or sharing personal objects, food or water

Unless the OP husband had surgery with blood transfussions or is sharing needles, the only way he could get HIV is by having unprotected sex with someone other than his wife.

Alondra · 09/02/2022 23:16

I'd also add that most straight men (rightly or wrongly) don't perceive themselves to be at high risk of HIV when having unprotected sex. Another reason I suspect that he may be having sex with men

That's my suspicion as well. But there are cases when a man has had sex with prostitutes and want the test to feel less anxious. That's why I didn't want to specify sex with men although it's what I'm thinking too.

Cheekypeach · 09/02/2022 23:26

@WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia

Most are done postal currently

People are sending (potentially) contaminated blood through the post?

The moment HIV leaves the body & makes contact with the air it dies. It can only survive in the body or in the anaerobic conditions of a syringe I believe.
PoshPyjamas · 09/02/2022 23:27

Hmmm, I think if he has form for cheating, you are right to be worried. Also - what kind of nasty prank id he playing - does that really seem likely?

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 09/02/2022 23:45

Sorry OP, I think he's lying (two different lies).
And I would be almost certain that he's cheating with a man (or men) for the reasons PP have said.

Katya213 · 09/02/2022 23:53

He’s lying.