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Original poster

Found HIV testing kit in hubby’s bag!

456 replies

PocketRocket81 · 09/02/2022 11:14

Ok, so DH has been a little withdrawn for several weeks. Not sure what came over me but decided to have a nose through his work hold-all. I’ve come across an unopened HIV kit. What the hell is going on? How do I approach him when he’s home later today?

OP posts:
ChickenStripper · 09/02/2022 20:19

[quote PocketRocket81]@mindutopia Terrence Higgins Trust?[/quote]
Have you googled it?

coldfeetmama · 09/02/2022 20:19

A reactive finger prick test is an immediate result
I do them every single day
If I find a positive I then take a venous sample and tell the patient we need further testing
But never ever have had a false positive
So pretty reliable
And immediate

Wrongkindofovercoat · 09/02/2022 20:22

@coldfeetmama is it true what another poster said about needing to wait 90 days post exposure to get a finger prick test ?

coldfeetmama · 09/02/2022 20:25

We usually say to anyone concerned re exposure to have the test today , have no further exposure and repeat the test within 3 months yes
Although I have read this may no longer be necessary
We still offer this today

pupcakes · 09/02/2022 20:27

"I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him."

If you were a man you'd be getting ripped a new one for this. Hmm

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2022 20:29

@pupcakes

"I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him."

If you were a man you'd be getting ripped a new one for this. Hmm

Why ? If he has put himself at risk he should be telling the OP, not continuing to expose her to the risk as well.
Kitten2 · 09/02/2022 20:31

He will have deleted all evidence off his phone now. So you'll not find out the truth. He won't tell you, will he.

mindutopia · 09/02/2022 20:38

[quote NightmareSlashDelightful]@mindutopia Correct me if I'm wrong but whenever I've had an STI test the HIV element has been part of the blood screen along with syphilis and (I think) hep B. The test kits I've seen aren't marked 'HIV' because they don't just test for HIV. Is it unusual that OP's found something marked for HIV only?[/quote]
Yes, typically in most clinics, you’d be offered a full sexual health screening (blood and swab tests), and typically within NHS services if you’re tested for HIV, you also get tested for Hepatitis B/C and syphillis, as those are much more common. It is totally possible though to get a standalone HIV test though and many of the self-test kits are just for HIV (these currently aren’t commissioned by the NHS though but you can order on Amazon, etc).

As it’s from THT, which is an HIV charity, it’s possible he signed up to receive it via HIV testing week, but it’s a super odd thing to do. THT is a charity that historically has tended to reach out to men who have sex with men (not exclusively, of course, but it would be an odd port of call for someone ordering a test as a prank, when you could just order one from Boots and not give your details to an organisation that might be more likely to contact you in the future about things related to gay men’s sexual health.

Blue4YOU · 09/02/2022 20:41

I’m sorry Op.
@pupcakes - really..? A man would get “ripped a new one” for asking then shouting and screaming at someone who has an HIV test kit in their bag (not mentioned), said it was for a joke, then said something else entirely different, then blanked you..?
It’s an HIV test - not a how compatible are you test ..do you get it?

Tdcp · 09/02/2022 20:42

*pupcakes

"I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him."

If you were a man you'd be getting ripped a new one for this. hmm

Why ? If he has put himself at risk he should be telling the OP, not continuing to expose her to the risk as well.,*

Precisely, if I'd have been put at risk of contracting all manner of STDs as well as HIV, plus being lied to about it, I'd be shouting at him as well.

Also is worth noting to some posters on here, HIV diagnosis is actually more prevalent among straight people now as the risks were drilled into the gay community for a very long time, so "straights" have seemed to think that they weren't at risk from contracting it and tend to engage more so in unsafe sex.

maddy68 · 09/02/2022 20:43

Y brother got given them at work for hiv awareness week. Probably that

WildfirePonie · 09/02/2022 20:44

Has he had the jab for covid?

inheritancetrack · 09/02/2022 20:45

He's lying to you. He's been up to his usual tricks

MsDogLady · 09/02/2022 20:49

So, his story has changed. If the new explanation is true, why the preposterous lie, the OTT reaction, and the storming off, leaving you upset?

As a husband who has cheated, he should be more than willing to hand you his phone to provide reassurance. It’s called being a safe partner to his betrayed wife.

In my view, his defensive and contemptuous attitude speaks volumes. I assume that a requirement of reconciliation was that he would never again put you in this position. Flowers

daisychain01 · 09/02/2022 20:52

@PocketRocket81

So he’s come home, I’ve asked him about it and he said ‘it’s for a prank for one of the guys at work’. My gut tells me he’s lying.

I’ve asked to see his phone and he said no and walked out.

I'd instantly lose all respect for someone making a joke about HIV. How vile.
Balonziaga · 09/02/2022 20:56

The test is 'something'

His reaction is 'everything'.

In the face of your question and distress, he has already told you a minimum of at least one lie (prank to health anxiety) - we all know it's neither - and he has refused to hand over his phone and taken himself off to the one room in a house with a lock.

Usually on these threads I think people are too quick to jump to 'he is cheating' but not this time. Sorry OP. What a shit.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 09/02/2022 21:01

I don't get why people are asking if he had had covid jab? Is this some new conspiracy theory I've not heard of yet?

Really18 · 09/02/2022 21:03

If I was you I would get yourself into a clinic for testing. I think seen as you have limited information you need to protect your own health. He has cheated before so it's possible that he has cheated again and put your health at risk. Personally I wouldn't be checking his phone. I feel that's a huge invasion. When you get to checking someone's phone in my opinion the relationship is done anyway.

Wrongkindofovercoat · 09/02/2022 21:05

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo maybe its OP's DH trying to come up with 'health anxiety' scenario that doesn't involve him dipping his wick elsewhere ?

WonderfulYou · 09/02/2022 21:06

I don’t think he should hand over his phone.

Tell him to test himself and then get yourself checked out just in case.

I do think his story is believable as that’s what I thought happened initially but you don’t know for certain and may never know for certain.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2022 21:11

I'd be more worried that you're going through his bag behind his back. Sounds like a lovely relationship.

Eightiesfan · 09/02/2022 21:13

[quote oakleaffy]@PocketRocket81
Since seeing your later updates, it looks likely he's been cheating.
A fair number of so say straight men have sex with Gay men.
He should tell the truth.
Buying a test kit as a prank sounds ver unrealistic.[/quote]
HIV is not a ‘gay’ disease, so why have you assumed OP’s hubbie has been having a sexual relationship with another man?

BuddhaForMary · 09/02/2022 21:17

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

I don't get why people are asking if he had had covid jab? Is this some new conspiracy theory I've not heard of yet?
I wondered that too. Very strange question for this thread.
dogmandu · 09/02/2022 21:18

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I'd be more worried that you're going through his bag behind his back. Sounds like a lovely relationship.
I guess you're in the 'I know something's wrong which could possibly have a massive effect on me, but I know he won't tell me about it' , so I'll just wait and let the disaster fall about my head without being able to do anything to stop it.' camp. At least you can wave your 'look at how good am I flag'.
Wrongkindofovercoat · 09/02/2022 21:20

@WonderfulYou bit pointless him handing it over now anyway, it will have been wiped squeaky clean.

The smoking gun is him not handing it over when first asked about the HIV test kit, especially given 'story' 1 which was a work 'prank' and then 'story' 2 , health anxiety. I wonder what google will suggest for 'story' 3 ?