DP and I have been together for 2 years. In that time we've been dealing with an interfering ex (his). She's used their two teenage girls against him, not allowing contact and reporting him to the CMS to pay more maintenance (they had an agreement in place for years which worked and he is a reliable dad and always paid) to 'punish' him for moving on and having a new relationship. She was the one who broke up the marriage in the first place because she had an affair. That relationship didn't work out and I think she was trying to get back with my DP and him moving on with me riled her.
He and I don't live together. There has been mention of doing this 'when the time is right' and also of getting engaged ('maybe this Christmas'). I just feel that things are not progressing as I want them to. I understand how his head is messed up with how his ex has treated him and it's definitely affecting his relationship with me. I know that she will be delighted with this outcome as she has been so cruel and devious with her actions since he met me.
He has almost £13K of credit card debt which he amassed when they were together (buying her a car, holidays, etc). He has a good job and earns 30something K a year but he is crippled with the money he has to pay out each month in child maintenance and repaying the debt. We rarely go out. Any time we go away I book and pay for it. I go and stay at his at weekends and buy all the food and cook and clean up for him. I buy him stuff for his house that needs replaced. I give him money to help pay his bills. I don't mind helping him out but am I a bad person to say that I get really frustrated sometimes and feel like I'm being mugged off. Recently he invited me to go out to his social club for a few drinks and I jumped at the chance even though I had worked a nine hour shift that day. I came home, got dressed up and drove over to his only to find him in his pjs and he said he'd changed his mind about going out. I was really upset and annoyed and felt like driving home but I was utterly exhausted so just went to his bed and cried myself to sleep. This weekend we were supposed to go out for dinner, his idea to apologise for his behaviour. That didn't work out either as there was rugby and golf he had to watch. I went out to the supermarket to buy food to cook instead. I know I'm an idiot for putting up with this but I love and care for him so much. I also feel like I'm to blame for how his ex is treating him. If it wasn't for me being in his life she wouldn't have taken the case with the CMS. I feel like we can never move on with our lives together because of his debt and never be able to go out and go places. We're in our 50s and I just feel like I'm wasting my life. But I can't leave him. I've broken up with him before because of these issues but he always pleads with me to get back and because I'm so in love with him I end up back in the same situation.
Sharing this now as I need some impartial advice. I've talked to my mother about it and she has told me to leave him and when I mention that we're still together she doesn't even acknowledge his existence any more. He was on the phone to me this morning in tears because he knows he's f'ed up again this weekend. He said it's because of what his ex is doing not letting him see his children and it's depressing him and he doesn't feel like doing anything, he only wants to sit in the house when he's not working and watch tv. He says he can't lose me. I feel like I'd be a bad person to leave someone who is in this state of mind but I can't keep going in a relationship and keep my sanity if this is how it's going to be time after time.