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Original poster

He's looked at porn again

103 replies

amiafreakofnature · 07/02/2022 19:18

He promised me the last time it wouldn't happen again.
He doesn't seem to make any sexual effort with us and the marriage has been mainly sexless for the last 15 years .
I need to leave don't I?

OP posts:
greasyshoes · 13/02/2022 21:03

He said there wee a couple of men that thought they were amazing, chatted about women a lot and would show others pictures and video clips of naked women or couples and the majority went very red and walked away or told them to f off!

That doesn't mean they don't look at pornography. If a man showed me pornography, I would tell him to f off too. Not because I have a problem with pornography, but because I find it really weird when discussing it with another man.

Original poster
amiafreakofnature · 13/02/2022 21:12

@Satingreenshutters it certainly isn't being honest when you've spoken about the issue several times been assured there's no problem it will be sorted they will try harder etc etc

OP posts:
Satingreenshutters · 13/02/2022 21:23

[quote amiafreakofnature]@Satingreenshutters it certainly isn't being honest when you've spoken about the issue several times been assured there's no problem it will be sorted they will try harder etc etc [/quote]
VERY hard to tell someone you don't find them attractive or they do not turn you on sexually. One of the hardest things in the world to tell anyone. He is probably sparing your feelings but it's been a long time and you probably should have left way before now if nothing has changed.
It will NOT get any better.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2022 21:25

Your relationship has been over for a long time, and porn is the least of your problems. You should have left him ages ago.

Thanwehavedreamed · 13/02/2022 22:14

Having a relationship without sex for that long probably means it’s going to be very difficult to fix, addictions are almost impossible to live with, and porn is horrendous.

But I think it is possible he is addicted to porn — or at least uses it as a coping mechanism and a way of combatting negative emotions. I do think that men can feel shame and really want to quit and find that incredibly hard to do. They’ve rewired their brains after consuming this stuff since they were 13. It’s hard to recover.

I don’t think this means you should put up with a sexless marriage but He isn’t necessarily doing this on purpose.

Thanwehavedreamed · 13/02/2022 22:14

@greasyshoes

Have you been in relationships with men who have issues with porn ?

No, I am a man, and I had male friends at school.

You seem to think every house have computers and that wives are happy for their husbands to sit using family computers often used by children to access porn ?

I wouldn't know, I'm not married. But as a teenager, I used a family computer to access pornography, and the simple solution is to hide it on the computer.

‘Nearly 80% of porn is now watched on mobile

Pornography site Pornhub, the 46th most popular website in the world, reports that its share of mobile traffic reached 77% in 2019, 10 percentage points higher than in 2017. Mobile traffic accounted for only 40% of Pornhub traffic as recently as 2013.‘

I would be curious to know how it was established that 80% of pornography is watched on mobile phones. I imagine the reason why so much traffic to Pornhub is by mobile phone is because it's an easily accessible website that's mobile-friendly. There are obviously a lot of other ways in which porn is accessed, and really a computer is needed rather than a clunky mobile phone. I mean, even the hard drive space on a mobile phone wouldn't be sufficient for some men's pornography collections.

Being accessible is different to accessibility . Sure it was ABLe to be accessible in the same process but their was a lot less of it and it was not as common for people to have computers . No one My family did for example in 1990

I am aware that home computers were very rare in 1990, but I said the late 90s. By then, computers had become far more prevalent in homes.

Of course you’re a man who consumes porn. Lie, deny, consume.
TheGrinchsDog · 13/02/2022 23:09

WTF at posters suggesting OPs husband isn't attracted to her but unable to say so... I mean just WTF? It couldn't possibly be that the lazy arsed creepy fucker just prefers the ease of jerking himself off without having to bother with the hassle of dealing with the needs of another person and has gotten addicted to the porn and unable to ejaculate through penetrative means or stimulation by said wife.

Course not! The fault is clearly with the wife, fucking obvious when you think about it right?!

Jesus H Christ. @amiafreakofnature I'm sorry all of that was heavily irritated sarcasm. There's fuck all wrong with you apart from you're saddled with a crap husband, LTB and you'll be grand!

Anothergreatday · 13/02/2022 23:20

@greasyshoes

He said there wee a couple of men that thought they were amazing, chatted about women a lot and would show others pictures and video clips of naked women or couples and the majority went very red and walked away or told them to f off!

That doesn't mean they don't look at pornography. If a man showed me pornography, I would tell him to f off too. Not because I have a problem with pornography, but because I find it really weird when discussing it with another man.

Yep just like thanwehavedreamed said above … no problem with the abuse of women and girls… ooops I mean … porn …: lie, deny, consume
greasyshoes · 13/02/2022 23:34

I haven't lied or denied anything.

Theunamedcat · 13/02/2022 23:40

Some women have zero issues with porn use thats up to them I don't agree with it personally but that's neither here nor there you specifically put a boundary in place he crossed it and porn to the detriment of your relationship is a deal breaker surely?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 23:48

@greasyshoes

Is that not more to do with BDSM becoming mainstream in the past 10 years, rather than pornography becoming widespread?

Do you not think that BDSM has become more mainstream due to pornography becoming widespread? I think there's definitely an argument for that being the case.

Ditto choking and anal being expected rather than relatively niche.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 23:49

@greasyshoes

And porn is more commonly viewed on phones than any other devices combined.

Anothergreatday · 13/02/2022 23:52

@greasyshoes

I haven't lied or denied anything.
Havnt seen you admit to the damage porn does to women and girls How do you ensure every woman you watch is of age and gave consent ? How do you ensure the platforms you use don’t promote abuse or non consensual images of women ?
Anothergreatday · 13/02/2022 23:57

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@greasyshoes

And porn is more commonly viewed on phones than any other devices combined.[/quote]
I agree totally and every article written and study confirms but there’s no point telling greadyshoes that because he thinks reading is silly and he knows better than us and the researchers because he doesn’t mostly use his phone - apparently it doesn’t store enough porn

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/02/2022 00:19

@Anothergreatday

I think perhaps as he is single (I think he said he's unmarried) he doesn't appreciate that men in relationships, especially with kids, are unlikely to use a computer to watch porn and wank as they'd need to do so either in a communal area or find a reason to bring a laptop into a bathroom / under the covers in the night etc! A phone means it's accessible everywhere, at home or anywhere else, so is the logical device for porn to be mostly consumed on. I'm not sure why that poster is arguing against literal fact, backed up by research!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/02/2022 00:22

@greasyshoes

I mean, even the hard drive space on a mobile phone wouldn't be sufficient for some men's pornography collections.

Eh?! Most (almost all) men in 2022 will watch porn on sites rather than saving it to their hard drive, unless they're accessing and downloading very niche porn from the dark web.

I think you have a very old school understanding of porn habits, that's the only sensible explanation I can think of for the content of your posts.

greasyshoes · 14/02/2022 00:53

Havnt seen you admit to the damage porn does to women and girls

Why it would be more harmful than other jobs, and why would it only be harmful to women and girls specifically? I haven't seen any indication of either.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/02/2022 00:54

@greasyshoes

Havnt seen you admit to the damage porn does to women and girls

Why it would be more harmful than other jobs, and why would it only be harmful to women and girls specifically? I haven't seen any indication of either.

You can't be serious? You are joking right?!
goody2shooz · 14/02/2022 01:01

So what is so great about this marriage/house share that you want to stay?

Juliauns91 · 14/02/2022 01:20

Poor OP. Her thread is completely derailed. OP - You do need to call it a day - You have given him enough time and chances. I hope you do move on and be happy.

Anothergreatday · 14/02/2022 02:12

@greasyshoes

Havnt seen you admit to the damage porn does to women and girls

Why it would be more harmful than other jobs, and why would it only be harmful to women and girls specifically? I haven't seen any indication of either.

Wow do you have zero knowledge of the thousands of women go are suffering from revenge porn being posted without their consent ? You have zero understanding thqg underage girls are being used on many sites or don’t think that’s damaging You have zero understanding of the abuse of women and girls in the porn industry Your ignorance is shameful Go do some reading for the love of god . Start with professor Dines Then go on and look for the data on the abuse of women and girls in porn How about the major credit card companies withdrawing from sites due to illegal content that was against women and girls You are either a troll ot literally one of the most ignorant men I’ve heard of Even men who use and endorse porn are aware of the abuse Actually I believe you’re a troll so I’m not feeding
Satingreenshutters · 14/02/2022 02:13

@TheGrinchsDog

WTF at posters suggesting OPs husband isn't attracted to her but unable to say so... I mean just WTF? It couldn't possibly be that the lazy arsed creepy fucker just prefers the ease of jerking himself off without having to bother with the hassle of dealing with the needs of another person and has gotten addicted to the porn and unable to ejaculate through penetrative means or stimulation by said wife.

Course not! The fault is clearly with the wife, fucking obvious when you think about it right?!

Jesus H Christ. @amiafreakofnature I'm sorry all of that was heavily irritated sarcasm. There's fuck all wrong with you apart from you're saddled with a crap husband, LTB and you'll be grand!

Most men would actually prefer to have actual sex than wank off all the time! Who is blaming the wife? She is doing nothing wrong to be blamed for anything but if there is no attraction there, it is VERY hard to fake it .. especially for a man. It’s nobody’s fault.
Anothergreatday · 14/02/2022 02:17

@Satingreenshutters

It’s nobodies fault he lied to her about porn ?

Isn’t a lie the liars fault ?

Satingreenshutters · 14/02/2022 02:20

[quote Anothergreatday]@Satingreenshutters

It’s nobodies fault he lied to her about porn ?

Isn’t a lie the liars fault ?[/quote]
It’s not his fault he doesn’t want to have sex with her and it’s not her fault he doesn’t want to.

Anothergreatday · 14/02/2022 02:24

[quote Anothergreatday]@Satingreenshutters

It’s nobodies fault he lied to her about porn ?

Isn’t a lie the liars fault ?[/quote]
No that’s true but lying is on him and it’s also on him if he broke his dick using too much porn

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