He's looked at porn again

[amiafreakofnature]

He promised me the last time it wouldn't happen again.
He doesn't seem to make any sexual effort with us and the marriage has been mainly sexless for the last 15 years .
I need to leave don't I?

In fact when I was at university in 2010 access to the internet (via phones etc) was still hugely more limited than it is now.

Umm, it's got nothing to do with mobile phones. High speed internet connectivity was already well established before the first iPhone was released. People generally don't use their phone to access pornography either; phones feature a small screen and have to be held. Generally speaking, a desktop or laptop computer is used.

Also somewhat bemused by the idea of internet connectivity being limited in 2010. When I went to university in 2006, again, high speed internet connections were already established and regarded as important. The late 90s was when the desktop computer came to be regarded as another essential home appliance. High speed internet was early 2000s, and in those days, downloading pornography using peer-to-peer file sharing applications was very common.

I can’t remember anyone I knew being choked during sex, now surveys demonstrate that most young women have experienced their partner trying to choke them during sex.

Is that not more to do with BDSM becoming mainstream in the past 10 years, rather than pornography becoming widespread?

I’m not stupid — you get ancient pornography, Victorian pornography, my mum was campaigning against lads mags and page three in the 70s, my DP was consuming porn in the early 90s. But it‘a different now.

There's virtually no difference between how pornography is accessed and consumed now, than when it was back around 2002 or so.

Why have you stayed 15 years in a sexless relationship if you are not happy with a marriage with no intimacy?

I would say porn is not your main worry here...it is the fact that you are staying in a relationship that has in fact ended years ago.

He has no interest in your romantically and no longer fancies you. You deserve better. Leave.

@Thanwehavedreamed

Use of internet pornography was just factually not as widespread in 2002, nor was internet connectivity. In fact when I was at university in 2010 access to the internet (via phones etc) was still hugely more limited than it is now.

There’s just over 10 years between my sister and me and she has certainly had a very different experience re porn and sexual expectations. I can’t remember anyone I knew being choked during sex, now surveys demonstrate that most young women have experienced their partner trying to choke them during sex. Things have changed both statistically and anecdotally.

A few geeks looking up a photograph in 1996 is not the same as porn hub today. It’s frankly a daft comparison. Broadband and mobile devices have transformed our relationship with the internet and with porn.

I’m not stupid — you get ancient pornography, Victorian pornography, my mum was campaigning against lads mags and page three in the 70s, my DP was consuming porn in the early 90s. But it‘a different now. The level of consumption, the ease of consumption, the mass viewing of violent and non consensual sexual acts. What does it do to an adolescent brain to watch rape daily (possibly actual rape as pornhub is hardly efficient in its vetting procedures?) or to a male brain to watch teen porn daily before supervising his daughters 14 year old friends (again probably actual underage porn as the porn industry is shockingly unregulated)? Why do we have language used in criminal acts which replicate porn tropes? Or murders and rapes which again replicate some of the most popular videos on porn sites? Is that just a weird coincidence?

Agree with all of this and the pertinent questions raised.

At the time of page three in the early 80s it was considered quite risque and if you were one of these models you were considered somehow not quite as 'nice'. (I wasn't one but I knew one and she was a lovely person). Now I look back at her pictures and think how innocent they are compared to the images easily accessible on the internet.

Ha it’s kind of cute that you think porn isn’t consumed on mobile devices. Believe me, it definitely is. Today about 70% of people who watch porn view it on their phone. Porn hub didn’t even exist until 2008 and there were few free porn websites before this time. The age of people when they first watch porn keeps dropping. You are just wrong. Do some reading or stop talking about things you’ve no idea about.

I'm not the one withholding intimacy

Withholding sex or withholding intimacy are such harmful phrases.
They are really only accurate if the person is deliberately not having sex etc. to be manipulative or get what they want etc.

In most cases the person just simply doesn't want to have sex or be intimate.

Porn hub didn’t even exist until 2008 and there were few free porn websites before this time.

Imagine calling someone "cute" and then writing that.

Do some reading or stop talking about things you’ve no idea about.

I don't need to do any reading. The limitation of reading is that you are trusting someone else's account or version of events. I speak from experience. High speed internet became common around 2001-2003. Porn was widely distributed as MPEGs or QuickTime videos on peer to peer software (Kazaa, Limewire, those programs). If you didn't use those, there were countless otherways to find it... filesharing websites, torrents, etc. etc. At school in the early 00s, every single boy I knew downloaded and viewed pornography.

When was porn hub started then? Do people watch pornography on their phone?

"I don't have to do any reading" = exactly the ignorance I observe in all your responses. I am NOT DENYING THERE WAS PORNOGRAPHY PRE 2008 or that you/other morally dubious individuals were watching pornography in the 2000s or 1990s or the 1980s or the 1920s. But every single major study has observed a rise in pornography consumption.

@greasyshoes

In fact when I was at university in 2010 access to the internet (via phones etc) was still hugely more limited than it is now.

Umm, it's got nothing to do with mobile phones. High speed internet connectivity was already well established before the first iPhone was released. People generally don't use their phone to access pornography either; phones feature a small screen and have to be held. Generally speaking, a desktop or laptop computer is used.

Also somewhat bemused by the idea of internet connectivity being limited in 2010. When I went to university in 2006, again, high speed internet connections were already established and regarded as important. The late 90s was when the desktop computer came to be regarded as another essential home appliance. High speed internet was early 2000s, and in those days, downloading pornography using peer-to-peer file sharing applications was very common.

I can’t remember anyone I knew being choked during sex, now surveys demonstrate that most young women have experienced their partner trying to choke them during sex.

Is that not more to do with BDSM becoming mainstream in the past 10 years, rather than pornography becoming widespread?

I’m not stupid — you get ancient pornography, Victorian pornography, my mum was campaigning against lads mags and page three in the 70s, my DP was consuming porn in the early 90s. But it‘a different now.

There's virtually no difference between how pornography is accessed and consumed now, than when it was back around 2002 or so.

That’s nonsense . Go read some of Professor Dines work and look at the data on porn . Far more readily available and mainstream than it was twenty years ago Where are you getting your information greasyshoes . What university studies or social research data are you using . Have you been in relationships with men who have issues with porn ?

You think porn isn’t ‘ usually accessed bought phones ‘ it’s PREDOMINATELY accessed through phones ,
You seem to think every house have computers and that wives are happy for their husbands to sit using family computers often used by children to access porn ?
No , many many men ( and some women ) are using their own phones ! Sneaky neg away and accessing the porn that all over the internet .

This information is readily available …

‘Nearly 80% of porn is now watched on mobile

Pornography site Pornhub, the 46th most popular website in the world, reports that its share of mobile traffic reached 77% in 2019, 10 percentage points higher than in 2017. Mobile traffic accounted for only 40% of Pornhub traffic as recently as 2013.‘

Being accessible is different to accessibility . Sure it was ABLe to be accessible in the same process but their was a lot less of it and it was not as common for people to have computers . No one My family did for example in 1990
When we finally got computers it was dial up. Go do a little research and look at the number of websites that are porn back then to now .

@greasyshoes

Porn hub didn’t even exist until 2008 and there were few free porn websites before this time.

Imagine calling someone "cute" and then writing that.

Do some reading or stop talking about things you’ve no idea about.

I don't need to do any reading. The limitation of reading is that you are trusting someone else's account or version of events. I speak from experience. High speed internet became common around 2001-2003. Porn was widely distributed as MPEGs or QuickTime videos on peer to peer software (Kazaa, Limewire, those programs). If you didn't use those, there were countless otherways to find it... filesharing websites, torrents, etc. etc. At school in the early 00s, every single boy I knew downloaded and viewed pornography.

Yes sadly it’s apparent you don’t do much reading and are basing you opinion son your own personal experience of computers and the internet in 1996 . However that’s not how reality works . You ad one person tell us nothing about trends , statistics or data . Many of us here have experienced the fallouts of the trends and data when it comes to porn The only limitations of reading is when someone takes opnions that are not based in researched data and thinks that makes them real . That is one of the first things one learns when studying on any level or f depth , how to critically think and analyse . Not to say ‘ oh well this is my experience so it’s true ‘ so what if every boy ‘ you knew ‘ downloaded porn . Perhaps that was coincidence , perhaps every boy you know is mysogynist , perhaps they all have Ed , perhaps it will lead to relationship issues , perhaps it was a trend in your little areas If a thousand women say every man they knew did not do we win ? Is that how your reality works , facts are based on DATA and the data say more porn is available readily used now! I find I it interesting that you think reading is a negative thing and that research and stats are irrelevant . That’s seems beyond ignorant

When was porn hub started then?

I was talking about the second part of that sentence, "there were few free porn websites before this time." Porn has always been very easy to access for free.

@Thanwehavedreamed

When was porn hub started then? Do people watch pornography on their phone?

"I don't have to do any reading" = exactly the ignorance I observe in all your responses. I am NOT DENYING THERE WAS PORNOGRAPHY PRE 2008 or that you/other morally dubious individuals were watching pornography in the 2000s or 1990s or the 1980s or the 1920s. But every single major study has observed a rise in pornography consumption.

Yes it’s incredibly isn’t it . I don’t do much reading it think it’s important . I guess some people are just at too clever to listen to actual studies or researchers

My husband watching porn wouldn’t bother me, going against the MN grain here- I know my husband watches porn, I don’t care - we still have sex, but 15 years of no sex would bother me.

Personally I wouldn’t stay in a relationship where I was basically cohabiting with a friend.

@greasyshoes

When was porn hub started then?

I was talking about the second part of that sentence, "there were few free porn websites before this time." Porn has always been very easy to access for free.

So what ??? How does that mean there was as much of it it that it was as common . Not does it mean that ad many people had computers or accessed it THIS is exactly why you would benefit from learning some critical thinking skills , because you don’t seem to understand that there is a difference Other products were also easy to get back then too but are now accessed and used on much higher rates !

Have you been in relationships with men who have issues with porn ?

No, I am a man, and I had male friends at school.

You seem to think every house have computers and that wives are happy for their husbands to sit using family computers often used by children to access porn ?

I wouldn't know, I'm not married. But as a teenager, I used a family computer to access pornography, and the simple solution is to hide it on the computer.

‘Nearly 80% of porn is now watched on mobile

Pornography site Pornhub, the 46th most popular website in the world, reports that its share of mobile traffic reached 77% in 2019, 10 percentage points higher than in 2017. Mobile traffic accounted for only 40% of Pornhub traffic as recently as 2013.‘

I would be curious to know how it was established that 80% of pornography is watched on mobile phones. I imagine the reason why so much traffic to Pornhub is by mobile phone is because it's an easily accessible website that's mobile-friendly. There are obviously a lot of other ways in which porn is accessed, and really a computer is needed rather than a clunky mobile phone. I mean, even the hard drive space on a mobile phone wouldn't be sufficient for some men's pornography collections.

Being accessible is different to accessibility . Sure it was ABLe to be accessible in the same process but their was a lot less of it and it was not as common for people to have computers . No one My family did for example in 1990

I am aware that home computers were very rare in 1990, but I said the late 90s. By then, computers had become far more prevalent in homes.

@greasyshoes
Are you claiming there’s not mountains more internet porn sites now than twenty years ago because if so that’s just so silly I don’t think anyone where would bother entertaining you with a discussion. . The points mute
If not , what IS your point ?

Are you claiming there’s not mountains more internet porn sites now than twenty years ago because if so that’s just so silly I don’t think anyone where would bother entertaining you with a discussion. . The points mute

Oh yes, there are plenty more porn sites than 20 years ago, and I am aware that flash-video style websites exploded after the advent of YouTube in 2006. But that doesn't mean porn wasn't common before then, it was just accessed differently.

If not , what IS your point ?

My only point was to correct someone regarding widespread availability of pornography on the internet. They said 2008, I'm saying they're off by about half a decade.

@greasyshoes

Have you been in relationships with men who have issues with porn ?

No, I am a man, and I had male friends at school.

You seem to think every house have computers and that wives are happy for their husbands to sit using family computers often used by children to access porn ?

I wouldn't know, I'm not married. But as a teenager, I used a family computer to access pornography, and the simple solution is to hide it on the computer.

‘Nearly 80% of porn is now watched on mobile

Pornography site Pornhub, the 46th most popular website in the world, reports that its share of mobile traffic reached 77% in 2019, 10 percentage points higher than in 2017. Mobile traffic accounted for only 40% of Pornhub traffic as recently as 2013.‘

I would be curious to know how it was established that 80% of pornography is watched on mobile phones. I imagine the reason why so much traffic to Pornhub is by mobile phone is because it's an easily accessible website that's mobile-friendly. There are obviously a lot of other ways in which porn is accessed, and really a computer is needed rather than a clunky mobile phone. I mean, even the hard drive space on a mobile phone wouldn't be sufficient for some men's pornography collections.

Being accessible is different to accessibility . Sure it was ABLe to be accessible in the same process but their was a lot less of it and it was not as common for people to have computers . No one My family did for example in 1990

I am aware that home computers were very rare in 1990, but I said the late 90s. By then, computers had become far more prevalent in homes.

That’s not the only site that says it’s used predominately on phones How they established it was through porn hub ( it’s days it in the article - once again critical think and reading will take you a long way ) The experiencing of having been a teenager boy who uses porn means nothing you realise that , right If you’ve never Been a relationship with a man who had an issue with porn why are you on a site telling women who have that you know better? Especially when you admit you incredibly unread and uneducated on the matter and don’t have life of

So far all I see that you have offered to the conversation is I was able to get porn for many years and I did . And I don’t believe in reading ? Neither of which prove porn is more available and incredibly Damaging
Really confused as to what point your trying to make

@greasyshoes

Are you claiming there’s not mountains more internet porn sites now than twenty years ago because if so that’s just so silly I don’t think anyone where would bother entertaining you with a discussion. . The points mute

Oh yes, there are plenty more porn sites than 20 years ago, and I am aware that flash-video style websites exploded after the advent of YouTube in 2006. But that doesn't mean porn wasn't common before then, it was just accessed differently.

If not , what IS your point ?

My only point was to correct someone regarding widespread availability of pornography on the internet. They said 2008, I'm saying they're off by about half a decade.

The person is correct . They are saying it’s more readily available … and it is You are claiming it was accessible ( even though less of it ) so what that it was accessible ? That doesn’t mean it was AS available , as mainstream , as accepted and easily accessed . This is for many reasons . One huge one being that nowadays wr have advertising and links for porn almost everywhere . It only takes a click it was always accessible BUT ain the past one had to look more in the past . That in itself makes it more accessible

One huge one being that nowadays wr have advertising and links for porn almost everywhere . It only takes a click

That's always been a thing since the early 2000s. Websites have always had advertising and links for porn everywhere. I remember discovering what "hentai" was in the early 00s as a result of an advert on the internet.

But this is where your inexperience shows, because almost NO ONE accesses porn by clicking on advertising or a link. That's how you get malware. Only an idiot clicks on a website pop up.

@greasyshoes

. There are obviously a lot of other ways in which porn is accessed, and really a computer is needed rather than a clunky mobile phone. I mean, even the hard drive space on a mobile phone wouldn't be sufficient for some men's pornography collections.’

Women men who hate women and are raging mysogynistic perhaps or incels

What you say is no different to me saying all women have huge walk in robes because we all love shoes and need the space . Just incredibly sexist and wrong

Not all men even use porn you know .

You seem to have some really sexist attitudes

@greasyshoes

One huge one being that nowadays wr have advertising and links for porn almost everywhere . It only takes a click

That's always been a thing since the early 2000s. Websites have always had advertising and links for porn everywhere. I remember discovering what "hentai" was in the early 00s as a result of an advert on the internet.

But this is where your inexperience shows, because almost NO ONE accesses porn by clicking on advertising or a link. That's how you get malware. Only an idiot clicks on a website pop up.

Don’t tell me what no one does because you r admitted to not reading therefore I know for a fact you are I’ll informed Advertising was NOT ain all the places it is now. .8 know that for a fact as many sites I now cost have only in the last few years had those types of links .

Not all men even use porn you know.

I know that, but the overwhelming majority do.

You seem to have some really sexist attitudes

I don't believe so.

@greasyshoes

Not all men even use porn you know.

I know that, but the overwhelming majority do.

You seem to have some really sexist attitudes

I don't believe so.

@greasyshoes

Personal awareness is one of the great things that grows from reading

@user1481840227

I'm not the one withholding intimacy

Withholding sex or withholding intimacy are such harmful phrases.
They are really only accurate if the person is deliberately not having sex etc. to be manipulative or get what they want etc.

In most cases the person just simply doesn't want to have sex or be intimate.

THIS! A million times this.

The majority of the time it is not withholding but not being attracted to, not being able to, not being aroused by, not having confidence to, not being able to follow through, simply not having an urge to.

It is not being manipulative, it is being honest.

I have discussed this all men look at porn opinion with my Fiance. He's worked in places where it's predominantly male. He worked in one job for a good many years and got to know people etc. He said he reckons not as many do look at porn as you think judging by the conversations he was part of or heard. He said there wee a couple of men that thought they were amazing, chatted about women a lot and would show others pictures and video clips of naked women or couples and the majority went very red and walked away or told them to f off!