Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken that things have ended over a misunderstanding

134 replies

Fallingslowly26 · 05/02/2022 22:23

I met a guy a few weeks ago on Hinge. Hit it off and met up for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Had an amazing first date, followed by an even better second date where we slept together.

I didn’t hear from him for two days after the date and had no idea whether he was still interested or not. I reached out to him and he texted back enthusiastically so assumed everything was fine.

We had a third date planned last week. 45 minutes beforehand, when I was already en route, he cancelled and said he couldn’t make it anymore due to a ‘family emergency’. That’s all he said - no further details given. I said I was sorry to hear that and that I hoped he was ok. He said he was fine. I then said I’d been looking forward to the date and that I understood why he’d want to cancel, but I’d be keen to still see him and the ball was in his court. He replied with ‘thank you for your understanding’.

His reply seemed cold and I think I already had it in the back of my mind that I was keener on him than he was on me, so I said I’d appreciate if he could be honest in this situation (I worried that this was an excuse). He replied saying his gran had had a stroke and when I replied saying that I was sorry and I hoped she pulled through, he didn’t reply at all.

This was a week ago, and today I reached out to say I felt upset he had cut contact. He explained that he had felt angry that I had ‘accused’ him of lying. I apologised and said I had reacted impulsively and that I had been confused by the vagueness of his text. However, unfortunately he told me that he had no interest in pursuing the relationship further. He admitted that he had been vague when cancelling plans and he understood why I may have thought it was an excuse as he hadn’t been clear, but the damage had already been done.

Really struggling to process this one - I have no idea whether I completely sabotaged this one , or whether he wasn’t very interested in the first place and just used my reaction as an excuse to cut things off…

OP posts:
moneyfornothingandthekids · 05/02/2022 22:26

He sounds like a liar. Near miss I think.

MadMadMadamMim · 05/02/2022 22:27

I think he wasn't very interested, to be honest. I wouldn't beat yourself up.

We still don't actually know IF gran had a stroke, or he just couldn't be arsed. I wouldn't be heartbroken. Just move on.

AlternativePerspective · 05/02/2022 22:29

His gran’s probably been dead for years.

PermanentTemporary · 05/02/2022 22:30

It sounds like he had met someone else but ultimately it doesn't really matter. He's not interested now. I'm sorry it was a rough one.

AnotherPoster · 05/02/2022 22:30

If he breaks up with you over a minor miscommunication, he isnt worth it. I'm sorry you are upset but at least you know now before you got too invested.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/02/2022 22:30

I think his "family emergency" was more likely "my wife came home unexpectedly"... Cynical I know, but the amount of dead/poorly grans I've heard as excuses in various situations over the years is truly shocking.

CoddledAsAMommet · 05/02/2022 22:31

He got a shag and that's all he was interested in.

DropYourSword · 05/02/2022 22:32

He's turning this round on you. He wasn't interested already. He's now making you feel like you were in the wrong. He doesn't have any obligation to want to date you further, but he's acting like a twat making you feel like you did something wrong here when you didn't!
Better off without him and his games anyway!

coodawoodashooda · 05/02/2022 22:32

I read to 'accused' him of lying. Op you have had a bloody lucky escape.

SparklingLime · 05/02/2022 22:32

You do sound very naive and gullible. I think to be doing OLD and keep yourself safe, emotionally and physically, you need to be more aware of the common shady behaviours. Hang out on the OLD thread on here.

The fact that he didn’t communicate clearly (most likely lied), then turned it around to blame you, and you are accepting this as potentially your fault is worrying.

Fallingslowly26 · 05/02/2022 22:32

Yeah. I just think that if he had been really interested/ keen to see me, he would have apologised more, made an effort to reschedule etc. I also don’t think he would have necessarily taken offence to me asking for honesty … ‘family emergency’ is a classic excuse

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 05/02/2022 22:33

So he flaked, and when you asked for clarity, he turned it around on you?

Bullet dodged I think.

StEval · 05/02/2022 22:33

Im sure this was posted before ?
Sounds like an excuse and then he blamed you as well.
Dont waste any more time on this man.

TibetanTerrah · 05/02/2022 22:34

Oh and anyone who cancelled with 45 mins notice wouldn't be getting another date from me no matter how great previous dates were.

laternights · 05/02/2022 22:34

@DropYourSword

He's turning this round on you. He wasn't interested already. He's now making you feel like you were in the wrong. He doesn't have any obligation to want to date you further, but he's acting like a twat making you feel like you did something wrong here when you didn't! Better off without him and his games anyway!
One hundred percent this. A near miss for sure!
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/02/2022 22:34

As soon as a man makes an excuse to cancel a date just back off and don't contact them again unless they contact you. Chances are it's a lie and if it's not you will find out, but easier to assume it is.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/02/2022 22:35

He’s a complete bullshitter and he was already sniffing around his next conquest after you had sex. Sorry. You did nothing wrong and you couldn’t have ‘done it right’ or played it better. He’s just a tosser.

undetetected · 05/02/2022 22:35

Every time I hear 'family emergency' I think lie, it's just so vague and avoidant.

Doesn't sound long you've lost anything important here, you'll meet someone better soon I hope!

cherrytopcake · 05/02/2022 22:37

I mean, from where I am reading your post op, seems pretty clear that he used the 'excuse' of you being upset by his lack of communication to ditch you. Sorry but I don't think he had any intention of pursuing things further. And he decided to use his gran as an excuse. And whether his story is true or not is besides the point really, when you got upset, he made you feel bad about it and saw it as a way out... think he knew very well what he was doing.

iwishu · 05/02/2022 22:38

He lost interest after he got sex, he didn't contact you until you reached out, he's too much of a coward to tell you he's not interested so dumped a family emergency excuse on you and blames you further when you reach out again. Him not reaching out to you says, that he's not interested. He doesn't sound a nice guy and doesn't deserve you trying to give him a second chance.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 05/02/2022 22:38

Don’t be wasting your time analysing it.

I doubt you’ll get to know the whole truth as he has properly backed off.
He might well have been offended. He could be telling you the biggest lie. Either way, I don’t think he is for you. To leave you hanging for a week is not kind.

Onwards and upwards OP.

cherrytopcake · 05/02/2022 22:39

Plus, after the second date you never heard from him. You had to reach out. Doesn't that make you wonder if you hadn't messaged him after the date, would you have heard from him ever again... ? Probably not. Sorry op, sounds like he was a time waster and used you

Fallingslowly26 · 05/02/2022 22:39

Thanks everyone - he made me feel like a complete psycho for asking him for clarity. I don’t think I was unreasonable to ask if the ‘family emergency’ situation was genuine. I don’t want my time wasted. he made me feel as though I was attacking him and he said that I ‘made a shit day even shitter’ by questioning things. I’d understand if I was aggressive but I absolutely wasn’t.

OP posts:
Fallingslowly26 · 05/02/2022 22:41

@cherrytopcake

Plus, after the second date you never heard from him. You had to reach out. Doesn't that make you wonder if you hadn't messaged him after the date, would you have heard from him ever again... ? Probably not. Sorry op, sounds like he was a time waster and used you
I do now regret reaching out after the second date. I was going to wait but then I felt a bit insecure about things - I always do after sex with someone new - and just did it. I do wonder whether he ever intended to text me
OP posts: