Sexual assault - reported 'DH'

[Flamingjunior]

Need a handhold please - where do I go from here. Have posted before about DH sexually assaulting me whilst asleep - I've woken to it several times and once again tonight. I cannot take it anymore.... I am devastated that he's do this continually. I asked him to get out of the bed, he refused. I have moved to a spare room and reported online (called 101 but was on hold). I feel sick. Sick that he's done this again... sick that this will ruin his reaction ship with his DC but I cannot keep letting it happen. My DD thinks the world of him..... what do I do? How can I tear her world apart by taking her and moving out?

You've been brilliant, I do think you should contact DSD mum and cancel tomorrow though, she doesn't need to be brought into this right now and it's not fair on you either xx

A bit late to this, but I remember your other thread and I just wanted to tell you how brave you are. You have done the right thing.

I hate the argument of “she didn’t say no” or “I wasn’t told to stop” it’s wrong because it puts the blame on the victim when they are potentially frozen in fright or in this case not able to consent. It needs changing to “he wasn’t told yes” so that it is clear where the blame needs to be and who the onus is on for the consent.

Are you OK, OP? Hope your day has been alright for you and DD and you are both feeling better re. covid. Also that he is staying somewhere else. Good on you.

By reporting him and removing yourself from the relationship you are showing her that you are strong and won't stand for this disrespectful man treating you like a piece of meat. By staying and not reporting him, this would show her that in the future it is ok if a man rapes or beats her. Hope you are ok op. X

You are a wonderful woman OP.
You absolutely did the right thing.
Ask for support wherever you can get it and when you need it.

@WorstXmasEver

If the op has said to stop then it's rape I agree.

So whilst ASLEEP the op should have said no to sex otherwise he's OK to crack on?? Or if the woman is too drunk to say no or too scared to say no, that's OK? What is it in the moment before she wakes up, realises he's penetrated her and says no?

@WorstXmasEver

If the op has said to stop then it's rape I agree.

If the OP hasn't said to continue then it's rape. HTH.

@Nailsbythesea it's not a 999 issue but definitely 101 for police. 999 is for crime in progress/risk to life. 101 can take a report of rape & Rape. crisis will support with next steps. So sorry you are going through this @Flamingjunior. Sending hugs

I've just forwarded the link to the guardian article to my family, the figures, 51%, are shocking, yet really, they're not. It's happened to me, just hoping that raising awareness helps prevent it happening to my daughters xx

You have covid in the house dsd shouldn't be coming over anyway. You need to phone her mother and tell her to keep dsd at her house.
You need to realise there is no coming back from this. Your marriage is over, you need to plan for the future.

What's your relationship like with DSD Mom? Can you call her, explain you've both got covid and tell her that you and the prat have broken up but you'd still like the girls to see each other long term.? Can you bear to tell her why? She may know exactly where you're coming from

Reading your post breaks my heart, because I have been where you are, too, and you are very brave to report it. I tried, but not until after he left, & the police weren't helpful, unfortunately.
For those in any doubt as to whether or not your experiences constitute rape, I suggest they watch the video where consent is explained in the context of a cup of tea. My 13 year old fully understood the concept after watching that, so adults should be able to understand, too. Also, "consent" isn't simply the word "yes" - consent has to be freely & willingly given, it can't be the result of badgering. My ex's trick was to keep letting me drift off to sleep before waking me up to ask for consent, knowing full well that after an hour or more I would give in just to get it over with so I could sleep. It was coerced consent, which WASN'T consent, it was still rape.
To the OP, please get in touch with Women's Aid - they were a godsend when I was going through it. Also try to find out whether your local council has a DV One Stop Shop where you can go and speak to police, solicitors, Women's Aid, & council housing officers all in one place. It really helps to meet with specially trained people all in one place, as the hive mind really helps to piece everything together x
Also, if you have a good relationship with DSD's mum, it may be worth speaking to her. I doubt this is his first rodeo, & I will place bets he did it to her, too x

I hope you are ok and are safe.

No words really but you are brave and you deserve better than this sorry excuse of a man.

Stay strong and I hope you have good friends and family to help you through this. 💐💐💐💐

Speak to the police about DSD coming tomorrow. They will not want him near her either until things are sorted. They will contact her mother through social services if need be. Or if you have contact details they might do it directly.

Do not feel you have to take dsd on as well into this mix - especially with dd having covid.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

This type of assault is on the rise, and it's a popular porn category.

TW for content:

amp.theguardian.com/society/2021/jun/15/the-sexual-assault-of-sleeping-women-the-hidden-horrifying-crisis-in-britains-bedrooms

Been in this se situation. I went and got it all documented . I asked for trial separation.. just some time out..and never let him back in to my life. The police will happily help you. Contact social services at your local council who will also help you and dd wellbeing emotionally and physically to get over this as well as make sure that you are safe . This is also important in any future custody or court orders you may need to out against him as clearly he has no boundaries.

Brilliantly brave OP. In awe of you ❤

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. You’ve done the right thing, that’s for sure, thinking of you.

I'm late to this thread but this is awful.
You are / were being raped. It's abhorrent. Women shouldn't put up with this shite.
Your daughter may adore him but how will she feel when she's older and realised that her mum was / is abused by her dad? Your daughter has to grow up knowing that you stood up to him and that her generation will no longer have to put with men like him.
Good luck and my very best wishes..

This seems to suggest that WorstXmasEver is male.

@slashlover

This seems to suggest that WorstXmasEver is male.

That does not surprise me at all.

@WorstXmasEver

If the op has said to stop then it's rape I agree.

So some guy finding his girlfriend passed out is good to go, eh? Because she didn't say 'stop' at any time....

Fuck off, @WorstXmasEver

@WorstXmasEver

If the op has said to stop then it's rape I agree.

Are you being serious right now? 😳

Nobody needs a rapist as a father OP. How do you know he won't try to rape her when she is older. Get her out now and don't even think of feeling guilty.