Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sexual assault - reported 'DH'

309 replies

Flamingjunior · 05/02/2022 00:36

Need a handhold please - where do I go from here. Have posted before about DH sexually assaulting me whilst asleep - I've woken to it several times and once again tonight. I cannot take it anymore.... I am devastated that he's do this continually. I asked him to get out of the bed, he refused. I have moved to a spare room and reported online (called 101 but was on hold). I feel sick. Sick that he's done this again... sick that this will ruin his reaction ship with his DC but I cannot keep letting it happen. My DD thinks the world of him..... what do I do? How can I tear her world apart by taking her and moving out?

OP posts:
ihaveonecat · 05/02/2022 11:30

@Flamingjunior

The police arrived and have taken him into custody. I feel sick and so awful this has all happened. This is a horrible nightmare - why did he have to do it? There are horrible repercussions from this - I feel terrible.
This is NOT your fault If someone did this to you in the street, you would absolutely report them so the fact he isn't a stranger doesn't make it any different He isn't entitled to sex or access to your body 24/7 Doing what you have done will show an incredible good example to your child, if you were my mum I would be so proud of you when I was older for being so strong and so so brave One minute at a time, and keep telling yourself that it was HIS choice to do what he did and he damn well knew there could be consequences
TheGoldenWolfFleece · 05/02/2022 11:31

Please remember you have done NOTHING wrong. He deserves to face the consequences of his actions.

Cantleave · 05/02/2022 11:38

You have done the right thing OP. He would have continued to treat you like this, if you hadn’t reported it.

2under2howscary · 05/02/2022 11:39

You've done the right thing OP. You're so brave for reporting it. Handhold xx

BitcherOfBlakiven · 05/02/2022 11:41

You have been incredibly brave.

He is a criminal, you have reported a crime.

Lolabray · 05/02/2022 11:44

Report him

GracieLouFreeebush · 05/02/2022 11:46

I’m so glad you reported this. Please share with the police the times you are aware of that he has done this before. I would pack a bag for him ready for his return. If you know where he can go you could potentially message them and let them know there has been police intervention and he will need somewhere to stay. You can give them as much or as little details as you wish, you could ask they come collect his things. Then let the police station know where he should go. I know it’s his mess to sort but it might make you feel better knowing he isn’t returning at all.

Comtesse · 05/02/2022 11:47

He messed this up not you - big handhold for you Flowers

Peridot1 · 05/02/2022 11:49

You poor thing. You have done the right thing. It’s horrible you had to but you have.

Look after yourself. You will be very up and down I’m sure.

Just keep remembering you did the right thing. You did the right thing.

He is a man with two daughters who thinks it’s acceptable to rape his wife. You did the right thing.

Hugasauras · 05/02/2022 11:50

Oh OP, you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Think about your daughter and the world you want her growing up in. This isn't just for you; it's for her and for every woman and girl who has suffered violence at the hands of a man. Your bravery is part of changing our world so that women and girls are safe. You are a marvellous human being and don't forget it Thanks

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 05/02/2022 11:53

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Op I just wanted to say you absolutely are doing great. My exh raped me 2 weeks pp. I WISH I had reported him.

I'm sorry this has happened to you too. Did you know you can report him now? It doesn't matter that it happened two weeks ago Flowers

eatyourcrustspls · 05/02/2022 11:53

You are teaching your daughter that nobody has an automatic right over another's body. You have done the right thing. Keep strong.

Scautish · 05/02/2022 11:56

You have the right thing.
You have been extremely strong
Your are doing this for yourself, your daughter and for all other women - we are all at risk from these horrible predatory men who think they can do whatever they want.

Thank you

RandomMess · 05/02/2022 12:02
Thanks
Genegenieee · 05/02/2022 12:04
Thanks
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 12:04

Sadly it was 16 years ago. 2 weeks pp.
He is an old man now. He has his punishment in ways I can imagine..

Hdhr8jsj · 05/02/2022 12:06

You are doing the right thing OP. Hold strong, and whatever happens with the police - get him out of your lives.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/02/2022 12:09

You did the right thing. He needs to know this is not ok.

GracieLouFreeebush · 05/02/2022 12:14

999 is for emergencies.

She woke up to him sexually assaulting her and he was still in the house with her, that is an emergency. Please don’t try make it seem like it isn’t because rape and sexual assault is massively underreported, a vulnerable person in the same position might read your comment and believe what is happening to them is ok.

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2022 12:15

I am so sorry OP

All I can say is you are going the right think for you and DD. She does not need to live in a house being raised by a who thinks it’s OK to rape a woman while she sleeps.

You will both come out of this fine, and move onto great lives.

It’s also the only hope for your husband - he wasn’t going to learn this isn’t OK any other way.

VioletOcean · 05/02/2022 12:22

You do what you have to do. If it means you are safe. Your DD will be fine. I had an ex bf who did this to me. It’s bloody sickening. He was my first bf and we were teens. Still makes me sick

evrey · 05/02/2022 12:23

You are very brave. I know from experience the panic you will be feeling right now but I promise you that feeling won't last forever.
Please get in touch with womens aid ,they arnt all about moving women and children into refuges .
They give excellent advice ,counseling and the opportunity to enroll in courses like the freedom project (an amazing course where you can meet other women who have been abused , learn to recognize abusive men etc and most of all to realise that none of this is your fault) .

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 05/02/2022 12:26

You’re amazing, we’ll done for being so strong. He made his own choices the consequences will be entirely of his own making

Mulhollandmagoo · 05/02/2022 12:27

You are so so brave Flowers you deserve better than to be treated that way, well done for recognising that and making steps to make yours and your daughters life happier and safer.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2022 12:29

@Crazykatie are you high??

If you report him to the police the relationship is effectively over why would she want to be in a relationship with a rapist / sexual abuser?

so why get them involved at all because he's a rapist and sexual abuser

it will cause you far more stress than just divorcing him Except this way hell get the message what he did was ILLEGAL and it might stop him raping someone else in the future.
unless you want to get revenge and humiliate him do you think everyone who reports rape and sexual assault is just some petty woman after sully revenge?

It’s not likely to result in a prosecution, probably a formal caution, if he accepts that it will be recorded. that's a flaw in our legal system, not in ops actions.

With a sex offence recorded that affects his relationship with your DD, it may mean supervised visits after you separate. well then he should rape and sexually assault women should he??