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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sexual assault - reported 'DH'

309 replies

Flamingjunior · 05/02/2022 00:36

Need a handhold please - where do I go from here. Have posted before about DH sexually assaulting me whilst asleep - I've woken to it several times and once again tonight. I cannot take it anymore.... I am devastated that he's do this continually. I asked him to get out of the bed, he refused. I have moved to a spare room and reported online (called 101 but was on hold). I feel sick. Sick that he's done this again... sick that this will ruin his reaction ship with his DC but I cannot keep letting it happen. My DD thinks the world of him..... what do I do? How can I tear her world apart by taking her and moving out?

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 05/02/2022 09:09

OP you have done the right thing.
He is in he wrong.
You have set an example to your daughter that we just should not accept this behaviour.
Flowers

ElectraBlue · 05/02/2022 09:12

You need to kick him out and report him to the police if you have not done so already. Change the locks while he is at the station and throw his stuff out.

You don't want your daughter to grow up with an abuser who thinks it is OK to treat women this way.

You told him to stop and leave you alone, he did not.

If you stay with him his behaviour will only get worse.

Reporting him will also mean you will be in a stronger position when you divorce the sad creature and if he tries to intimidate you further.

I would also speak to an organisation that support people who have been through sexual assault they can help support you and they have experience of helping with reporting the events to the police.

SugarBlossomFairy · 05/02/2022 09:12

Well done OP you are amazing! He can't keep getting away with this and I hope he finally will realise once the police get involved!
Clearly he believes this is normal behaviour? It most definitely IS NOT!

Keep going and stay strong Thanks

GeneLovesJezebel · 05/02/2022 09:13

Although your DD has Covid you would be permitted within the rules to take her out if you were fleeing domestic violence.
As a woman and a mother of daughters I thank you for your bravery 💐

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/02/2022 09:14

What happened to you is not your fault in any way; this is all on him. He has blown his family man image and world apart here, not you.

Abuse thrives on secrecy; time to bust this wide open with the Police now. Make a statement, let them deal with him because this man should face the consequences of his actions and choices.

I would also look into seeking legal advice re divorce.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/02/2022 09:15

Womens Aid are also worth contacting here.

BuickMcKane · 05/02/2022 09:22

Firstly well done for reporting it. Now be prepared for him to downplay it when he speaks to the police. That's what my ex did. I ended up with a few leaflets and a number to call if I felt unsafe. I felt defeated and let down. In the end I was the one who had to leave with my DC.

Fairycake2 · 05/02/2022 09:22

You are being so brave OP. So glad you've reported him and contacted your BF. Stay strong 💐

BluebellsGreenbells · 05/02/2022 09:22

Are you safe this morning?

TopCatsTopHat · 05/02/2022 09:23

What did he say when you asked how he would feel if his dd's were treated this way?

2022IamHavingYa · 05/02/2022 09:36

You are amazing OP!

Thatnameistaken · 05/02/2022 09:44

This is marital rape, you need to get him out. Take the advice of the police, be straight with them.
He will never stop doing this to you, unfortunately it is you who will have to take action to stop him raping you.
Good luck

BitcherOfBlakiven · 05/02/2022 10:03

Call Women’s Aid. They can help keep you and DD safe.

Call the police immediately and hopefully they will remove “D”H from the home.

@Crazykatie I have no words for you, rape apologists make me sick. And that’s what you are.

WeeOrcadian · 05/02/2022 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

Original poster
Flamingjunior · 05/02/2022 10:47

The police arrived and have taken him into custody. I feel sick and so awful this has all happened. This is a horrible nightmare - why did he have to do it? There are horrible repercussions from this - I feel terrible.

OP posts:
BuickMcKane · 05/02/2022 10:50

It IS a nightmare OP but it's of his making, not yours.

grapewine · 05/02/2022 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

GeneLovesJezebel · 05/02/2022 10:56

@Flamingjunior

The police arrived and have taken him into custody. I feel sick and so awful this has all happened. This is a horrible nightmare - why did he have to do it? There are horrible repercussions from this - I feel terrible.
You did the right thing. It’s hard now but it will get better, and when it blows over you will be glad you did it. Have you a friend or relative who can be with you ?
Devilmakes3 · 05/02/2022 10:57

Flaming I am so so sorry but you are absolutely doing the right thing though. He has done this not you. It is very unlikely given his lack of self awareness to date that he will fully step up and accept the wrongness of his behaviour. (I have a sex offender brother so I have experienced something similar) and don’t be surprised if some others (his family members predominantly) try to make you out to be the problem but you must hang firm onto the notion that you have a primary responsibility to protect yourself and to protect your daughter. That is your responsibility in this. How your husband chooses to respond is entirely his responsibility. I am so sorry you are going through this it is very traumatic. Get some real life support as soon as you can and make sure the people you get support from actually support you with both their words and they’re actions.

IncompleteSenten · 05/02/2022 11:02

The repercussions for you of continuing to suffer sexual abuse are worse

Everything that happens now is because he is a rapist.

None of this is your fault. Flowers

Houseofvelour · 05/02/2022 11:15

You're doing the right thing. No matter how hard it is, please don't take him back.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 11:15

Op I just wanted to say you absolutely are doing great. My exh raped me 2 weeks pp. I WISH I had reported him. You are showing your dd how you are entitled to feel safe in your own home and in a marriage.. It isn't you that has done anything wrong at all.
He needs to face the consequences of his actions... You and your dd will be so much more than fine.

littlecottonbud · 05/02/2022 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlecottonbud · 05/02/2022 11:17

sorry - wrong thread - so sorry

northernlady2904 · 05/02/2022 11:18

I just wanted to say what you have done is very very brave OP. I wish you all the best

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