I cheated on my husband who has depression

[ABL3]

Hey, DH currently has depression; he has been medically diagnosed, is having therapy, is on anti-depressants and is trying to sort himself out. He was made redundant over a year ago and still hasn't found a new job. He has made only half hearted efforts and we're living fully off my income which isn't ideal. We have 3 kids 10, 8 and 5 and he is doing most of the childcare now and very much putting them first in that regard at least. But I feel like his depression is rubbing off at me and whenever I'm with him it just makes me feel so down.
There is this man at work who just has so much more energy, always makes me laugh and he is just seems so bright and I like the way he thinks about things. Being around him just feels like a relief almost. Tbh I've been having an emotional affair with him for some time. He's divorced.
But on Friday we kissed in the pub after work and I haven't really talked to him since. I feel so awful about this. I feel like I wouldn't be feeling like this if it wasn't for DH's depression and I feel awful that I can't manage to stand by him through his lowest point when we've had 14 great years together and he is trying really hard to sort himself out. I feel so guilty about being unfaithful to him and I do love him so much and am desparate for him to get better but I am just not happy atm in our marriage and idk what to do! I know if he cheated on me if I was feeling like that then I would be furious with him. I also don't want to tell him partly as I don't want him to know but also I am afraid this will just make him worse and I feel I need to support him still. I also feel like I do really like this other man. I don't know what to do at all

You are having an affair OP. It’s that simple.

How would you feel if your husband was cheating on you?

Honestly I'd give it about 6 months. I'd be as supportive as poss in that time, go to couples therapy, throw money at the problem, get a cleaner, support him as much as possible and literally do everything in your power to support him. Ask him what you can do to help.

If he gets better, great!

After 6 months of significant and consistent effort in your part if there is no improvement I'd have a conversation with him about the way forward. Realistically if it isn't improving within that time frame it is likely to be a long term problem for him. Be honest about how his illness is affecting you. You understand he can't help it but you also can't live like this. Tell him you have really tried and it isn't working. Try and speak to him sensibly about separating households and sharing the kids. This could be temporary whilst he gets better or it could be permanent.

I would want to see improvement or separate in a years time (so by next Jan at the latest).

You need to support him for now as you've made a promise to him as his spouse. But you can't be expected to live like this permanently.

Oh and the affair is a total red herring. It's a manifestation of your unhappiness. I doubt if you're even well suited with this man. He is just a "relief" as you said.

I'd leave the emotional affair. Speak to female friends or family for support you clearly crave.

I wouldn't tell your husband about it TBH. I'd just kill the thing dead and focus on the way forward.

If you split up with your husband of course you can explore a proper relationship with this other guy.