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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you come to terms with the fact that the narciasist never really loved you

328 replies

JLBear12 · 31/01/2022 08:45

I am 3 months out of a relationship with someone who displayed a lot of narcissistic traits. He discarded me for another woman, how do you come to terms, in your mind, that the entire relationship with just a lie its driving me mad.

OP posts:
JLBear12 · 31/01/2022 19:29

@starylight oh bless you honey how are you coping, mine told me he loved me all the time, shame it was utter bullshit!!!

OP posts:
JLBear12 · 31/01/2022 19:32

@Nouveaunew I think the problem lies with the fact that these people dont see themselves as having anything wrong with them so therefore never go into therapy and hence never get diagnosed. Also someone having a lot of narcasstic traits wouldnt necessarily have enough to warrant the full diagnosis but still enough to cause damage to people around them x

OP posts:
babbi · 31/01/2022 19:35

@sassbott
Thank you for such an inspiring post .
You totally nailed it .
I couldn’t agree more with what you have said .
I would never change what happened in my case , it was so heartbreaking and devastating but I truly believe now that it was so character building for me and opened my eyes to life in so many ways .

OP - it’s early days for you and so tough but hang in there … it will get better .
It doesn’t feel like it now but trust me you’ve dodged a bullet and had a lucky escape

starylight · 31/01/2022 20:11

@JLBear12 Think I'm still in shock to be honest! How is your daughter coping with him leaving?

Nouveaunew · 31/01/2022 20:15

My ex used to go in and on about "love". How it "wasn't enough", there was no pleasing him. He wanted and expected the honeymoon phase to last forever. The truth is, these people have absolutely zero clue as to what love is because they are incapable of it. I am sure we all experienced the "love bombing" at the start but that's all they have. They are utterly incapable of maintaining normal relationships. It's sad really, it must be awful being them confused

I experienced this also … all of it … so so so strange Confused

toppkatz · 31/01/2022 20:17

It's not personal. They are utterly incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

ReadySteadyTwins · 31/01/2022 20:19

A much needed thread for me to follow Flowers

toppkatz · 31/01/2022 20:26

I didn't think personality disorders were as common as they appear to be on Mumsnet

Perhaps that's because the overwhelming majority of people who are in happy relationships have no need to post about them, so we don't read about those. The ones we hear about are the bad ones.

JLBear12 · 31/01/2022 20:28

@starylight sm lucky really because she has disabilities and because he was out a lot sometimes she adjusted well x

OP posts:
beesfeet · 31/01/2022 20:29

@sassbott

3 months. I know it doesn’t feel it but you’ve had a really lucky escape. People (myself included) have given years to narcissists. I know it doesn’t make it easier tho. So sorry. Flowers

How did I come to terms with it?

Well, for me it wasn’t all a lie. My emotions/ feelings/ love were real. I had some very happy memories (of course I did, that was how he kept me hooked). My point is I think a lot of people completely rewrite a relationship when they realise they were involved with a narc. It helped me not to. I absolutely identify the low points but I also embrace the happy times and it does make me happy to think of the times I was happy. Those times were real.

I think there is also something in there about forgiveness (eventually). I don’t envy narcs and I would never want to be one. They’re completely empty and very damaged individuals.

Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. A narc will leave a trail of devastation in their wake. The next person will eventually be discarded too. They won’t change.

Be really kind to yourself. Narcs are master manipulators. People can often get caught up on ‘I can’t believe I let this happen’ and it’s simply not helpful. Build yourself back up, self criticism doesn’t help with that.

Finally, I wouldn’t wish a narc upon my worst enemy. But now I’ve met one and gotten unentangled from them, it’s been a brutal but valuable life lesson. I didn’t realise people like this walked amongst us, now I know - this knowledge and awareness will help me. Not only in dating, but in my career and personal life.

It’s a process. Counselling helps and there are some great podcasts/ YouTube channels out there.

The main thing, is to not get hoovered back in when the narc circles back. And IME they always do.

Wow thank you for this. Just reading this post as I am 3 months down after leaving my narc ExH. He's tried every trick in the book to get me back whilst having a new woman waiting in the wings for when he finally accepted I wasn't coming back. He is now apparently displaying his love for her all over social media (he is blocked on everything and we are now no contact) when a week ago he told me he didn't care about her or love her at all. It was me he wanted.

I don't know when the pain will end but your response to the OP's post shows me there is light at the end of the tunnel thankfully

beesfeet · 31/01/2022 20:33

@JLBear12

Thanks everyone, i did so much for him over the 5 and a half years, helped him stop drinking, helped him clear debts and probably made him a more stable person. My self esteem completely went and I only realised when talking to a counsellor that I had been a victim of abuse. The consistently never apologising, sarcastic remarks, the silent treatments and sulks etc I thought were just the way he was. He did once tell me he felt horrible inside and was very insecure (that should have been a red flag) x
Wow op so similar. We were together the same amount of time - I unfortunately married him. I helped him with a gambling addiction and got a loan out for some of his debt. Again got him to a stable place. All his family and friends would tell me how good I was for him. But I never stopped and thought for a second....how good was he for me? It was like I took on him and his kids! All his dcs are from separate relationships.

The red flags were all there but I just didn't see them. So sorry op. Just know you're not alone.
I'm in the exact same place you are. Would never take him back but the hurt I feel is unreal x

Nouveaunew · 31/01/2022 20:37

@beesfeet and @JLBear12

I relate to doing so much for him and helping. They say narcs attract codependents. I am codependent and it’s not a way of being that has been easy to heal from to be honest—or change! At least we know we’re not alone I guess. Flowers

beesfeet · 31/01/2022 20:39

Just to add - my eldest DS has special needs. ExH was not that supportive and now I'm out....I realise he was a bully towards my son. He fully admits he didn't show my dcs any love where I have a great relationship with his.

Why I thought all of what he did was acceptable, I have no idea!

I too am jealous of the new woman but I know it's all just to get his narc supply up. There is literally nothing else in it from his side. It hurts but I just keep reminding myself that it's not real.

beesfeet · 31/01/2022 20:42

[quote Nouveaunew]**@beesfeet* and @JLBear12*

I relate to doing so much for him and helping. They say narcs attract codependents. I am codependent and it’s not a way of being that has been easy to heal from to be honest—or change! At least we know we’re not alone I guess. Flowers[/quote]
I told my ExH before I left him that I was seriously low with my mental health. He shouted at me and told me I had annoyed him. I left the next day and haven't returned. But....I still continued to be there for him, made him drs appointments, put him in therapy, reached out to his family and friends for support for him. He fell apart when I left and I still carried on trying to help. He didn't once ask me how I was....and repaid me with getting into a new relationship straight away! Eurgh....they are vile creatures aren't they Confused

JLBear12 · 31/01/2022 20:43

@beesfeet mine was quite good with my daughter although not as good as my mind was telling he was. I was told today by a friend that he would belittle me in front of them and I wouidnt even realise it x

OP posts:
beesfeet · 31/01/2022 20:49

[quote JLBear12]@beesfeet mine was quite good with my daughter although not as good as my mind was telling he was. I was told today by a friend that he would belittle me in front of them and I wouidnt even realise it x[/quote]
Yes so would mine but in a clever way! I'm an organised person, very clean and tidy and it's just the way I am. He would tell anyone that came round that I have ocd and that they needed to check if the sofas were wet as I'm always cleaning them 🙄 he said it as joking but he would make me sound like I was some sort of cleaning weirdo at the same time. So hard to describe....and again, you don't realise until you leave!

Blue4YOU · 31/01/2022 21:02

I bloody detest narcissists. There’s nothing loveable about them. They understand romance ie lovebombing, that’s it.

beesfeet · 31/01/2022 21:06

This 100%

How do you come to terms with the fact that the narciasist never really loved you
Nouveaunew · 31/01/2022 21:18

It’s horrid looking back on it. I’m worried that I’ve lost all desire for men. I honestly worry about that.

Very early on, the narc ex sent a mushy text meant for me to his recent ex. In hindsight I wonder about that!

Nouveaunew · 31/01/2022 21:18

As in, he sent it by accident … now I wonder if it was an accident

starylight · 31/01/2022 21:20

Mine would undermine me in front of my DC. All the time. He'd make out he was the fun one and I was the boring one as I was making them do homework, or stop playing Xbox so they could shower etc. It was never thought obvious though and whenever I said something he would say I was too serious, or moody.

sassbott · 31/01/2022 21:34

@Nouveaunew listen I’m by far so not an expert on this whole topic. But based on the counselling I am having and the podcasts/ videos, what I understand is this.

NPD is something that has be diagnosed, which is tricky in itself as typically narcissists don’t queue up to offer themselves up for testing. It’s also trickier with covert narcissists who can be very charming and mask typical narcissistic traits. So I would never say my exp had NPD.

The other complication is that all us, from time to time, will display narcissistic behaviours. We all at times will put ourselves first/ are selfish. So that too is tricky, what are occasional narcissistic behaviours vs someone who is a narcissist?

From what I can tell, it’s a spectrum. And the difference between someone like me (who can absolutely display narcissistic behaviours from time to time) vs my exp (whom I believe is a narc), is a combination of two things.

The consistency of repeated harmful behaviours + the absence of core kindness/ empathy/ consideration/ giving.

I missed a lot of red flags with my exp through nothing other than a combination of sheer naivety/ rose coloured glasses/ physical chemistry (my exp was very good looking when I met him). He also mirrored me very well, so it felt like we were a ‘fit’ from the get go. I won’t miss those red flags ever again. I just won’t.

I also don’t think it is that common tbh. We have to remember that the happy peeps in fulfilling relationships with non narcs don’t need to post on the relationship board.

I think there is more awareness of it, which is a good thing. That increased awareness is leading to far more conversation. And far more people are leaving narcissists for precisely all of the above. I know that’s what enabled me to give My exp the heave ho.

JLBear12 · 31/01/2022 21:35

@starylight oh the moody comment, I got that loads but it was him that was being moody and then blamed me for that x

@Nouveaunew yes I am the same, lost all trust but I suppose at the moment my heart is breaking and my mind is reeling all the time so maybe in time, i will recover x

OP posts:
JLBear12 · 31/01/2022 21:39

@sassbott nicely put, I also think some people mistake emotionally immaturity for narcissim as they are so closely linked (both toxic however) The biggest part for me to label my ex as a narc was the sheer lack of emotional empathy, he just did not have it at all. Also the lack of genuine remorse for anything x

OP posts:
Nouveaunew · 31/01/2022 21:41

Thanks @sassbott