@Nouveaunew listen I’m by far so not an expert on this whole topic. But based on the counselling I am having and the podcasts/ videos, what I understand is this.
NPD is something that has be diagnosed, which is tricky in itself as typically narcissists don’t queue up to offer themselves up for testing. It’s also trickier with covert narcissists who can be very charming and mask typical narcissistic traits. So I would never say my exp had NPD.
The other complication is that all us, from time to time, will display narcissistic behaviours. We all at times will put ourselves first/ are selfish. So that too is tricky, what are occasional narcissistic behaviours vs someone who is a narcissist?
From what I can tell, it’s a spectrum. And the difference between someone like me (who can absolutely display narcissistic behaviours from time to time) vs my exp (whom I believe is a narc), is a combination of two things.
The consistency of repeated harmful behaviours + the absence of core kindness/ empathy/ consideration/ giving.
I missed a lot of red flags with my exp through nothing other than a combination of sheer naivety/ rose coloured glasses/ physical chemistry (my exp was very good looking when I met him). He also mirrored me very well, so it felt like we were a ‘fit’ from the get go. I won’t miss those red flags ever again. I just won’t.
I also don’t think it is that common tbh. We have to remember that the happy peeps in fulfilling relationships with non narcs don’t need to post on the relationship board.
I think there is more awareness of it, which is a good thing. That increased awareness is leading to far more conversation. And far more people are leaving narcissists for precisely all of the above. I know that’s what enabled me to give My exp the heave ho.