You have done so well under such dreadful circumstances. A marriage can survive many things, but it takes two to tango and make that happen. I would like to remind you of a few things you should be grateful for:
- you have dipped some 10 years into his pension pot, which he'll have to halve
- he will have to pya you maintenance till your son is 18
3)he's bullshitting about 50/50, as he is the one in a full time job
4)keep evidence. When the time comes and your DS asks you why you could not stay with his dad and be a family, your man is likely to twist this. With the evidence, you can tell your son that you tried your best to stay with his dad after he cheated, but sadly, the dad would not change his ways as the affair seemed to matter more to him than being with the family. Trust me you will need this knife twist, as the arsehole will try and twist things and manipulate your child too against you.
- setting up home with a woman that's married and has got two young kids is ahem, a joke. They've got 3 kids between them. This is likely to play out like hell. During the week he'll have to put up with two annoying charges and on the weekends he'll have his own on to visit. Their sex life will go down. They will bicker. They will get bitter.
As a cherry on top, 50% of 1st marriages end in divorce. 75% of second marriages end in divorce. If a marriage is a product of an affair, that number goes right up to 90%.
If I can help with any advice, it would be to try not to let his actions influence your thoughts or actions. This is so difficult. Don't let him live rent free in your head. Get the money, look after your son, build connections with your family and friends. There is no going back to this abuse. Thankfully, he has made it that much easier.
Now, get a coffee, sit back and enjoy his life fall apart. His lover lady that shares her germs so freely with her lover boy and hubby will be struggling trying to keep her marriage together or not. In any case it's guaranteed to be bullshit and hell. Not love. But lust and that brings to the next phase: the 'cherry on top of the cherry' phase...
All dopamine reduces after 18 months in any relationship. The discovery could not have happened at a better time when their desire and sexual chemistry is on the down. That, accompanied by all the kids will kill it to the core.
Meanwhile, once dust settles and you raise your child, you will be in a much better space to find something worthwhile and find it you will. Because, for starters you have morals and clarity of wrong and right and what you don't want, which is the wankery lover boy putting the blame on you whilst he continues his little sordid affair. Nope. You now have a chance of meeting a real man. That's if you want to. You probably don't need anyone to complete you either, especially since you have your beloved DS.
Well done to you for escaping this chaos.