Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

@Fitzroygurl10087 as you say, his loss. I had one like that who finally got in touch again after about 10 days, just angling for a rerun. I strung him along for 18 months in the end, pretending to be keen but with no intention of seeing him again, when he finally got quite whiny I just ignored him. Manners cost nothing so if they’re rude to me I’m mean right back.

Still no sign of a date for me but I've been messaging a nice guy for a week, in the friend zone I think, nothing flirty at all, no compliments but have plenty in common and discovered he has the same surname as my first name which has put me off further. I don't want to just ghost him as he's nice but it's not going anywhere.

@dopple @Badbaddog personally I'd rather spare myself the mental load of 'stringing someone along' for whatever reason, and just shoot them a quick message along the lines of 'hey I don't see us as anything more than friends, been lovely chatting though'

Unless they're a dick in which case unmatch block delete repeat

Thanks @Badbaddog @Eesha @ButterflyOfShay . I despair at these guys. The sex wasn't even all that but is the first one not with ex hubby in 15 years.

[quote BelladiMamma]@Onemorego2021 welcome 🤗

Sadly you probably came across one of the fantasy pen pals / quite possibly already in a relationship guys.

Block, delete, unmatch, repeat. [/quote]
Sadly I think you're right. Had a feeling something was off wish I'd followed my gut! A lesson learned

@ButterflyOfShay

Hey *@BelladiMamma* 💛 hope you’re feeling much better now after the crappy feelings last week. Yeah I think the trick is to remove it all from the house and not have anything in, I had fridge and cupboards full of booze before so just removing it all works well for me. Hope you have a lovely time with your dad, is MrD going with you? x

Yeah it's brutal but get it out the house!

I'm fine thanks. I can't really speak or write about it whilst it's happening but once it's over I'm back to Bella so it's all good. Was a bit triggered by some conversations around that ManU footballer but decided to try to focus on Marcus Rashford instead. Who is just a worth his weight in gold don't care who he plays for kind of guy

@Onemorego2021 takes a while to tune into the gut but it's generally right

@Fitzroygurl10087

Thanks *@Badbaddog* *@Eesha* *@ButterflyOfShay* . I despair at these guys. The sex wasn't even all that but is the first one not with ex hubby in 15 years.

If it’s any consolation @Fitzroygurl10087 I had a similar experience after sleeping with my first iron after a toxic marriage a(followed by five years having zero interest in relationships I was that scarred). It’s so common to fall for the schtick of men like this when you’re “wet behind the ears” and they know just what to say.

@Onemorego2021

Hi everyone Long time lurker - due to the fact I don't really have any old tales to share. I had some great advice last year when I was talking to very first iron. Sadly we weren't really compatible after meeting a couple of times and I messaged him to let him know. Fast forward to 2022 not really been on apps over festive season and then had a message out of the blue - seemed lovely but far away, anyway after 3 weeks of lovely conversation including talking about meeting up. And I've been ghosted ( is 5 days ghosting?) he's active on apps so I'm guessing moved on. But I'm just venting really- completely flummoxed as to why someone would spend all that time messaging and calling and then disappear. I feel more like your loss mate 🤷‍♀️ oh well onwards and upwards. *@ibelieveinmirrorballs* Couldn't believe that okc message! But made me realise there are some real twats out there. Have learnt so much from you all so thank you 🙏

Thanks… I’ve blocked him on my phone too now. I know a couple of people have suggested he maybe wasn’t being snidey but having known him before and the way he was after we met, I just don’t think it was a benign message. Who messages someone after 4 months and opens by calling with an insult!?

Ref your ghosting, you do end up just being a lot more meh about these things as you go on - it’s ye olde sweete shoppe mentality I’m afraid. They’re like goldfish - something a bit more shiny comes along and they’re off.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs @Fitzroygurl10087 well I definitely fell for it! And as you say something else catches their eye and off they go 🙄

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Thanks *@teesguy* - I’ve just been for a run actually…. I would have said things are going okay but for the first time today I wasn’t able to complete the run duration on the training plan. This Saturday I need to do 50 minutes which is the longest yet 😵‍💫

No injuries yet though….! 🤞🏼

@ibelieveinmirrorballs keep plugging away at the training and you'll do great in the HM.

[quote ButterflyOfShay]@ibelieveinmirrorballs for feeling flat today. It won’t last forever… I don’t feel very bright either today. I’m going to go against the grain here and say that I don’t think the guy’s message dounded snidey.. more hopeful and friendly?? trying to be cheeky and start convo? But obviously you’re not interested so it’s a moot point 🤗

Nah @Badbaddog not drinking, don’t fancy it at all and I’m do glad.[/quote]
Thanks ☺️ 💐💐💐

Sorry you’re also feeling flat and well done for not going straight back to the booze. ❤️ Fantastic achievement breaking your daily habit x

Thanks @teesguy - it’ll be a major achievement for me as I’ve never been a runner. Week 4 of a 12 week training plan… race day is on the last day of W12 so no room at all for injury!

Fitzroygurl10087
Yeah it’s a shame it wasn’t good sex either
Meh !

But you got to get back on the horse i suppose

I really like the guy I’m meeting Friday but I’m
Holding some back ups just in case…, I’ve learnt the hard way

I do think the first fling after divorce is very bruising
Then , you toughen up 💪 ish !

@Thisisworsethananticpated That's smart to keep something back, I will definitely be doing the same. Think it was still good just to dtd and like you say hey it out of my system. Good luck with the date! Xx

@ButterflyOfShay couldn't run without posting but anazingly well done to you and anyone else with achieving their goals with drink, its not easy in January at all.

@Thisisworsethananticpated who is the new Friday date?

@BelladiMamma hope you are back to normal Bella soon

@Onemorego2021 - I had exactly the same thing happen after chatting for 3 weeks. Not so much ghosting as cancelling the meet up.

Thanks @Eesha bet you’re excited for the weekend seeing MrM. Are you coming to the MNMU too?? Hope so!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs thank you lovely 💗 when is your half marathon?? I might ‘train’ with you. Now the evenings are getting longer and lighter it’s more the weather for it. I can’t run in cold/rain at all 😆 legs are STILL aching from sunday can’t believe it. Think ive been a bit under the weather this week and overdid it 😆

@ibelieveinmirrorballs ah is it in June?? That gives us some time 😄
Hope anyone that’s been feeling flat feels brighter today! 🧡 Day in the office for me, which will be a nice change of scenery.

Ahh enjoy the day in the office @ButterflyOfShay - I’m in tomorrow.

The HM is in London in early April. I wish it was June! 😆

[quote Daydreamscometrue]@Onemorego2021 - I had exactly the same thing happen after chatting for 3 weeks. Not so much ghosting as cancelling the meet up.[/quote]
The one thing about this is that you know for sure that you've dodged a bullet. This sort of guy isn't worth your time or energy

[quote Eesha]@ButterflyOfShay couldn't run without posting but anazingly well done to you and anyone else with achieving their goals with drink, its not easy in January at all.

@Thisisworsethananticpated who is the new Friday date?

@BelladiMamma hope you are back to normal Bella soon[/quote]
Thanks ☺️ I'm good now EXCEPT that two of my close contacts tested +ve for Covid yesterday (saw them both Monday) and now that means I'm contravening restrictions for entry to France 🇫🇷 so can't see my Dad, who's in remission from cancer so also wouldn't want to see me in those circumstances either. 😞

I'll give him a ring later today and let him know. Drat and double drat

However I don't think my DD wanted me to go anyway so she gets me at home for the next few days which is good for her

Eesha
It’s a second date ! Mr Balkan
All I can say is left the first day smiling ( coffee and walk) and his texts between the dates have not annoyed me once
I didn’t immediately fancy him, but he’s growing on me
My age

@BelladiMamma oh drat indeed to that - what terrible timing for you! (Great for DD tho )

@Thisisworsethananticpated MrBalkan sounds good..! Had a session with my therapist yesterday who tried ramming home the need to not have massively intense beginnings in relationships (is this even possible? Something I find so hard!) so slow and steady is no doubt a much better thing than the way I go about things.

Oh no @BelladiMamma , I'm so sorry!

@Thisisworsethananticpated that sounds lovely ☺️ (Although it does highlight how much crap we have to put up with in dating, when the benchmark of a good catch is "his texts haven't annoyed me once" 😬)