Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

@Badbaddog you're right, I would never say that, I bloody admire runners as I'm so crap at any type of running. I was called frigid because I was still looking.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs ugh, you were so right to block in the first place. What a dick.

@BelladiMamma do you have an Italian connection? Have you dated Italian men???

Your story above sounds both stressful and like a positive time of self reflection. Dating brings up so many complicated emotions!

@gelatodipistacchio mio padre ha vissuto qualche anno a Roma e ho studiato l'italiano, avevo clienti italiani ecc. purtroppo la violenza sessuale che ho subito era anche in Italia ma conosco degli italiani buoni e simpatici ...

[quote Badbaddog]@eesha calling her running bore just makes him a dick in my book[/quote]
Yes there was a snidiness in tone throughout that message. He definitely was not trying to suggest we get together!

@BelladiMamma yes I’m in Ireland - he lives an hour and half away in a beautiful place near the coast and mountains and green fields and I live in the land locked middle .

@Eesha my marriage ended 2 years before we met - I’ve had a few irons which I moaned about on here who all ended up ghosting/ flaking in some way and now that I’m with someone wonderful, I can’t believe what breadcrumbs I accepted from the flakes

@Thisisworsethananticpated maybe you have the right idea - his family will never forget me if I wear that 😂😂

@ibelieveinmirrorballs What. A. Knob.

@MayEye that's really lovely, he sounds like a really decent guy indeed.

[quote MayEye]@BelladiMamma yes I’m in Ireland - he lives an hour and half away in a beautiful place near the coast and mountains and green fields and I live in the land locked middle .

@Eesha my marriage ended 2 years before we met - I’ve had a few irons which I moaned about on here who all ended up ghosting/ flaking in some way and now that I’m with someone wonderful, I can’t believe what breadcrumbs I accepted from the flakes

@Thisisworsethananticpated maybe you have the right idea - his family will never forget me if I wear that 😂😂

@ibelieveinmirrorballs What. A. Knob.[/quote]
Happy St. Brigid’s Day / Lá Fhéile Bríde.
Look for the first signs of spring and celebrate. Or the light at the 6 o'clock Angelus
🇮🇪 ☘️
I'll be in Dublin over half term with famalam, can't wait 💖

[quote Eesha]@ibelieveinmirrorballs it does quite condescending! But perhaps he was like 'we are still in the same boat, let's get together!'

@BelladiMamma 24hrs

@MayEye lovely update, I always think meeting friends is a biggie. Were you single for long before meeting him?[/quote]
I may have slightly exaggerated for the purposes of the anecdote but everyone enjoyed the bantz 🤪

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

This is the actual message - what a total cock.

And by running bore - he means that I’d signed up to a half marathon having never run for more than 5k previously and told him once I’d bought loads of the gear like a twat and been for about three runs in total 🙄

Errr....isn't the irony that he was also still on OKC?

And running is awesome! How is your training for the HM going?

Talk about triggering… I massively triggered Mr B during a seemingly innocuous conversation about work yesterday. He got very stressed and sad and I feel awful about it. He’s retreated into a wounded silence. I’ve seen this a couple of times before with him (we’ve been seeing each other nearly three years, but I’ve never been all in tbh) and it lasts about a week. It’s not an angry, PA silence like my XH specialised in, more a sad and droopy one. Lots of sighing. Either way, it’s stuff like this that reminds me why I’m not at all convinced I can be bothered with relationships…

At least I can have a drink to blot it out 😂

Thanks @teesguy - I’ve just been for a run actually…. I would have said things are going okay but for the first time today I wasn’t able to complete the run duration on the training plan. This Saturday I need to do 50 minutes which is the longest yet 😵‍💫

No injuries yet though….! 🤞🏼

@Badbaddog

Talk about triggering… I massively triggered Mr B during a seemingly innocuous conversation about work yesterday. He got very stressed and sad and I feel awful about it. He’s retreated into a wounded silence. I’ve seen this a couple of times before with him (we’ve been seeing each other nearly three years, but I’ve never been all in tbh) and it lasts about a week. It’s not an angry, PA silence like my XH specialised in, more a sad and droopy one. Lots of sighing. Either way, it’s stuff like this that reminds me why I’m not at all convinced I can be bothered with relationships…

At least I can have a drink to blot it out 😂

A week is a long time! What is the issue - is he self-conscious about being less successful or similar?

A week is a long time to be tiptoeing around, even if it’s not a big PA show. Enjoy your drinks later 🤪

Well I only see him Monday to Friday morning, while he works nearby, so it’s three days. The silence - which is not total by the way, he responds politely but doesn’t initiate - is a bit triggering for me frankly, given XH. I’m not going to let it get to me, but it is an irritation.

It’s partly he’s a bit self-conscious about our comparative career success but much more that he’s a very gentle, simple soul caught in a big corporate environment where he doesn’t really thrive. My approach to that sort of setup is to go ‘balls out’ to be better than everyone else. His is to keep his head right down. We are very different people! 😂

There are certain things that trigger me and the silent treatment is one of them (again due to XH). As you say his is of a different nature but I sympathise that even being ‘adjacent’ is triggering.

He sounds lovely and you sound wise enough to recognise this is more of a slightly-jarring-aspect-to-an-otherwise-healthy-dynamic. I’d say that’s a win - and relationship progress!

@Badbaddog my trigger seems to be swearing. So Mr Music saying 'I'm getting a little fucking pissed off at X, y" made me completely retreat and consider splitting up. It was actually a minor disagreement.
Regardless of the fact that he does swear liberally, it just reminded me of my ex when that just meant i would then be screamed at etc. I think it's important to understand why your iron is being like this, perhaps he needs reminding of how annoying it is! Mt Music was mortified that this had compared him to my ex and reminded me that he wasn't a ticking time bomb!

@Eesha I’m not surprised you feel that way about swearing 💐. It’s all a minefield isn’t it? I’ll remind Mr B but equally I should respect his boundaries, as he does mine. Give and take etc. Meh, this is why I prefer my non-sweary, non-drinky, non-sulky, utterly devoted and life-affirming dog to anything and anyone else!

Hi everyone
Long time lurker - due to the fact I don't really have any old tales to share. I had some great advice last year when I was talking to very first iron. Sadly we weren't really compatible after meeting a couple of times and I messaged him to let him know.
Fast forward to 2022 not really been on apps over festive season and then had a message out of the blue - seemed lovely but far away, anyway after 3 weeks of lovely conversation including talking about meeting up. And I've been ghosted ( is 5 days ghosting?) he's active on apps so I'm guessing moved on. But I'm just venting really- completely flummoxed as to why someone would spend all that time messaging and calling and then disappear. I feel more like your loss mate 🤷‍♀️ oh well onwards and upwards. @ibelieveinmirrorballs Couldn't believe that okc message! But made me realise there are some real twats out there. Have learnt so much from you all so thank you 🙏

@Onemorego2021 welcome 🤗

Sadly you probably came across one of the fantasy pen pals / quite possibly already in a relationship guys.

Block, delete, unmatch, repeat.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs for feeling flat today. It won’t last forever… I don’t feel very bright either today. I’m going to go against the grain here and say that I don’t think the guy’s message dounded snidey.. more hopeful and friendly?? trying to be cheeky and start convo? But obviously you’re not interested so it’s a moot point 🤗

Nah @Badbaddog not drinking, don’t fancy it at all and I’m do glad.

[quote ButterflyOfShay]@ibelieveinmirrorballs for feeling flat today. It won’t last forever… I don’t feel very bright either today. I’m going to go against the grain here and say that I don’t think the guy’s message dounded snidey.. more hopeful and friendly?? trying to be cheeky and start convo? But obviously you’re not interested so it’s a moot point 🤗

Nah @Badbaddog not drinking, don’t fancy it at all and I’m do glad.[/quote]
That's great re alcohol- you've broken the habit of wanting it / needing it. I'm taking another small break from it, but I'm off to see my Dad next week and I find it hard not to drink when I'm with him. He makes it too attractive - Campari sodas, champagne cocktails etc 🙄

One thing I really don't miss is meat. I think I'm down to eating it once a month, and my dairy intake has gone down dramatically as well.

Shame I haven't lost loads of weight and look like some insta influencer 🤪

Checking in! Been seeing MrIT after stupidity giving him a second chance when he went awol for a week. Dtd on Saturday night and now surprise surprise he's saying that he may not be ready for a relationship after all. I ignored the warning signs and now am paying the price!

@Onemorego2021 I feel your pain. MrIT put in loads of effort to get his end away. 5 weeks of dating then paid for everything, I guess some of them just like the chase

Hey @BelladiMamma 💛 hope you’re feeling much better now after the crappy feelings last week. Yeah I think the trick is to remove it all from the house and not have anything in, I had fridge and cupboards full of booze before so just removing it all works well for me. Hope you have a lovely time with your dad, is MrD going with you? x

Sorry to hear that @Fitzroygurl10087 😔 that’s not nice.

@Fitzroygurl10087 very crap situation. Sometimes I wonder how people can look at themselves in the mirror after these things. Onwards and upwards!