Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

I don't regularly post actually, @Burnttoastagain2. I've been off this thread for a while, so you've got that completely wrong.

And secondly, targets? No one is my target. We're not in school.

You write like these things are a competition.

You respond like everyone is out to get you. Really, they are not. So try reading posts in the opposite way to how you instinctively feel they are meant. It'll probably make you happier if you work from a starting assumption that most people have good intentions. Because they do.

I read that post as simply being encouraging.

And as @Badbaddog said i've struggled massively in the past, and i've found this thread has helped massively.

Sorry, repeated myself there. It's been a long night.

Has someone name changed to make those comments to Onward? Just another brand new poster (Toast) criticising her, as has happened in the past.

Probably worth reporting, just in case. I'm an occasional lurker, poster from one of the old threads, just to clarify.

@VanGoghsDog

You write like these things are a competition.

You respond like everyone is out to get you. Really, they are not. So try reading posts in the opposite way to how you instinctively feel they are meant. It'll probably make you happier if you work from a starting assumption that most people have good intentions. Because they do.

I read that post as simply being encouraging.

I read it as saying 'I have fibro and RA and I go on lots of dates.'

So? If I or if someone in my position doesn't feel able to date yet, that's okay.

What I'm confused about onwards is how you say you find the thread supportive, but don't accept any support from posters, in that you don't change your thinking at all and pretty much insist we're all wrong.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

What I'm confused about onwards is how you say you find the thread supportive, but don't accept any support from posters, in that you don't change your thinking at all and pretty much insist we're all wrong.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I don't. I know that people have good intentions, otherwise I wouldn't bother to join the thread.

But when people say 'I've got this or that but that's what I do.' Etc. that's irrelevant to me. I struggle to see why those sorts of comments are helpful.

I read it as saying 'I have fibro and RA and I go on lots of dates.'

So? If I or if someone in my position doesn't feel able to date yet, that's okay.

As always, ignore any suggestions people make and just go to the worst possible interpretation.

@VanGoghsDog

I read it as saying 'I have fibro and RA and I go on lots of dates.'

So? If I or if someone in my position doesn't feel able to date yet, that's okay.

As always, ignore any suggestions people make and just go to the worst possible interpretation.

@VanGoghsDog but that's what she was saying? That's not being supportive.

I'm being told that things like dating are a competition, which I know and I agree with.

Then I'm being told that someone suffers from This and that disability, but they still go on dates?

I'm sorry. But I don't find that helpful. It makes it worse if anything.

I have had some fantastic support from here ❤️

You struggle to see how someone who also has a chronic, painful, condition has been able to deal with their life, and with dating? Surely that must be more relevant to you than experiences from those of us who are lucky enough not to live with a chronic condition and therefore cannot imagine what your life is like?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

You struggle to see how someone who also has a chronic, painful, condition has been able to deal with their life, and with dating? Surely that must be more relevant to you than experiences from those of us who are lucky enough not to live with a chronic condition and therefore cannot imagine what your life is like?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Her posts don't read like that though. She's posted to me previously to say the same thing.

Surely you can see that?

Caramelblonde

I don’t think illness is a competition
RA is shit
So is fibro
So is a lot of what people live with
I was a bit taken aback by your comments saying that one is worse than the other
We don’t know that actually so go easy

I don't want to date at the moment, and that's fine, I'll get there.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Caramelblonde

I don’t think illness is a competition
RA is shit
So is fibro
So is a lot of what people live with
I was a bit taken aback by your comments saying that one is worse than the other
We don’t know that actually so go easy

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you so much. That is exactly what I was trying to say.

@WeWantTheFinestWines @VanGoghsDog please read this. She implied that RA is worse than fibromyalgia.

@Ursabears no I'm a long time lurker myself but tonight it just seemed like the same angry stuff coming up again so it got me rattled. @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good luck

[quote Burnttoastagain2]**@Ursabears* no I'm a long time lurker myself but tonight it just seemed like the same angry stuff coming up again so it got me rattled. @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* good luck[/quote]
@Burnttoastagain2 I've not heard of you. I know that you don't mean to wish me luck after criticising me like you have, but okay.

Sorry, but that gets my goat up massively. 'I've been horrible to you, but good luck.' Seriously?

You could go and throw up in front of everyone in a pub garden and say it’s a safe space to do it, doesn’t necessarily mean everyone wants to see it does it.

No, but other people haven't got many people to speak to.

I don't date speak to my mum about it. I feel unable to after the 'you're fucked.' Comment.

but that's what she was saying? That's not being supportive.

That's how you read it, not me.

please read this. She implied that RA is worse than fibromyalgia.

She did say that, I read it. I can actually read words. I have no idea if one is worse or how anyone experiences any pain or illness. I didn't suggest she didn't say that.

I just interpreted the whole post differently to you.

know that you don't mean to wish me luck

And there you go again. Not taking posts as they are written, looking for the worst interpretation.

You could go and throw up in front of everyone in a pub garden and say it’s a safe space to do it, doesn’t necessarily mean everyone wants to see it does it.

Well, quite.

Also, I'd just like to point out that it's pretty bad form to bring up things said in other places in a group onto the board.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

No, but other people haven't got many people to speak to.

So what?